My wife was diagnosed I feel helpless

Sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis Drakkenfyre. You will find amazing support and a wealth of information here. Stay away from Google.

Your feelings and fears are absolutely normal and valid. You are in the most difficult place right now. It does get easier once a treatment plan is in place.

Thinking of you both. Donna.

Suggest affirming words like "You can do this." And maybe planning a trip or something big she can look forward to... hang in there.

Drakkenfrye,

I am so sorry that y'all have to deal with this, but I am extremely encouraged that you have found this great community so soon. We are all here, not just for ourselves, but for each other.

My wife, KD, was diagnosed in Feb. this year. I know exactly how you feel right now.

My very first suggestion to you is to BREATHE!!! In fact, there is a wonderful song by Jonnie Diaz entitled "Breathe" that helped me get through those first couple of months.

Come back often and let us know what else y'all find out.

Y'all can do this, really, y'all can. Your wife is lucky to have you there for her. Remember, in all of this, you will be her best Advocate.

I can second Smurfette's post. Stay the hell AWAY from Google. I made the mistake, after my wife's diagnosis, of reading too much from too many sources and scaring the hell out of myself. Stick to your doctors and this site.

Drakken, I'm younger and flat... Women can rock the flat. Please ask her to join us on Flat and Fabulous on FB.. it's full of a wonderful group of women who chose NOT to do any reconstruction. We are back to a new normal very quickly and there's a lot of benefits to staying flat, so having a time to just heal is great.

You are such a good husband for coming to this site. Your wife is very lucky. It may take some time for your wife to wrap her head around her breast cancer diagnosis. The beginning when you don't know the extent of the cancer is the worst part. Once your wife has had surgery, and knows exactly what she is dealing with, it gets a little easier. Her emotions will probably be all over the place and that is okay. Feeling, mad, sad, whatever, is normal. I remember I only wanted to hear positive stories about breast cancer survivors when I was first diagnosed. I actually sought them out, and believe me, there are plenty of them. It was helpful for me to just take one step at a time, and not to get too a head of myself in my knowledge... to only research and go to the discussion topics that concerned my situation. The women here are extremely knowledgeable. You and your wife (if she decides to come here) will learn so much. I don't know what I would have done without this site when going through active treatment and beyond. Just remember, there are close to 3 million of us breast cancer survivors thriving in the US today. I am an 11 year survivor.

You're doing a good job, brother. Keep compiling the information. Soon enough you will have enough data to formulate a plan with the team of doctors that you assemble. This is all part of the process. You are on the right track...keep moving forward.

As someone posted above, don't look up survival rates by stage. Most of that info is old and sometimes they put out scary information to drum up donations. Your life is going to get crazy. You'll learn a new vocabulary (infusions, AC, taxol, pick line, markers, etc). You will also nervously hang by the phones waiting for the results of her latest PET or other scan.

Sad to say but "welcome to the club."

My wife's BC history. My wife refuses to use the internet, well except for Amazon and Ebay.

My wife, back in Dec of 2012 was diagnosed with Stage 4 ER+ PR+ HER2- breast cancer. One node and a small spot on the spine. After 3 infusions of AC she was clean except for the 6 cm tumor in her breast. The oncologist said since the cancer was responding well to estrogen blocker (aromasin) it was best to leave it be. Ops forgot to mention in the midst of all this cancer stuff she had to have removed a grapefruit sized and very painful non-cancerous ovarian cyst.

A little over a year later, Nov 2014, the cancer morphed and went crazy. She had a radical mastectomy and breast removal. A biopsy showed it to be ER+ and the oncologist prescribed tamoxifen. 19 lymph nodes were removed and 9 of the 19 had triple negative Metaplastic keratinized squamous carcinoma. A PET scan done after the surgery showed some cancer still in her armpit, probably spill over from the nodes. She has two cancers, one ER+ PR+ HER2- and another triple negative. She went back on A-C (lifetime amount), no Taxol as she almost died from it earlier. Almost died from NeuLasta too. Also 7 weeks of radiation.

After all that she had to have major surgery to remove a tumor from her kidney. Eighty five percent were cancerous but hers was benign. Happy dance, she's NED and back on tamoxifen.

Prayers and fingers crossed.

This stuff is very scary but it is very important to remember that the stories you read about breast cancer are NOT your wife's story. Once you are diagnosed with breast cancer, every little ache, pain, etc that you had before, now makes you think the cancer has spread. It's been 10 years for me, and I still think that. It is very normal but try to just take it one step at a time.

Drakkenfyre, 80% of breast cancers are “invasive” as opposed to “in situ.” And invasive ductal, hormone-receptor-positive/HER2-negative, is the most common breast cancer. Early-stage invasive cancer can still be slow-growing and have very long-term disease-free survival. So don’t panic.

Headaches can also be caused by stress, so please dont borrow sorrow from tomorrow, Enjoy each day, and keep that fighting spirit burning

xoxoMichelle

So glad her surgery went well. Great news on the clear nodes.