I'm new.

I am so sorry to hear your news but so glad you found this site. I am new too and have found great comfort in these boards. The first month was really hard for me, I cried every morning as I became conscience and had to relearn that I was stage 4 again. I don't think I will enjoy the movie Groundhog Day ever again having lived it. I asked for a mood stabilizer to stop the tearfulness and frantically got all my affairs in order and then I had to tell myself that I am not dying today so I need to live! It is really scary in the beginning but I hope you will have your ah ha moment soon. Reading these boards and posting will help! Ask anything and everyone will respond!

I am so sorry for the reason that you are here. You will find many supportive ladies. You are in shock and fear fear right now, but it will pass. I cried everyday for months, too. I started to feel better once I knew that the treatment was working. Then I had progressions, went thru the turmoil again. There are many options for treatment. When one fails, you will move to another. Many are doing well for a long time.Prayers and hugs to you.

Antionetta -. Anti-cancer A New Way of Life was one of the books that gave me hope and made me feel less out of control.

There is hope. It seems like we are turning the corner on treatment options. But it is not like everything is just fine. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. It takes a few months to get through the emotions to the point where you are really rolling up your sleeves and figuring out, for yourself, how you are going to move forward

>Z<

It is a shock, overwhelming sad, fear, tears, isolation, so many feelings.

1. Once you get your treatment plan it gets so much easier.

2. Take everything day by day.

3. Do you research, own everything, which means understand your dx, treatments, side effects, pain, control you scans, appointments, etc... What I mean is take notes, ask questions, if you don't like something you are told push back. This time in your life you need to take charge and not put 100% into those who do the scheduling, insurance, even your doctors.

4. Get on anxiety meds. Seriously, this is some heaving crap to deal with emotionally. It makes the world of difference. If you are sleeping, ask for something to sleep. You need all your energy.

I could go on.... but these are just some good baby steps.

I was diagnosed 12 years ago with cancer, 8 years with Mets in my lungs and bones. I am still here. I have had ups and down, but still considered stable.

Post questions here. Chances are many of us have been there.

hang in, onward and upward.

Janis

it's all so new and unreal I'm sure. It does get easier and wonderful advice from the ladies who have already posted. ....especially remembering it is your life! If you can't adhere to someone's schedule, let them know. Within reason schedule your scans etc. when it is most convenient for you. Hospitals want your business!

Sorry to see another Okie here!

Brenda E

Hello, I am new to this as well. I found out in January I am Stage 4, with mets to spine, liver, and mainly lungs. Lungs have been the worst, as I am tied to an oxygen line I can't escape. I luckily have lots of "family support," but am still at a total loss as to where to start thinking this thru. And actually feel completely alone, and like I would do my family the biggest favor by just getting "out of their way" quickly. I have been in chemo since January, with most of an idea about the "plan," but still feel completely out of control of EVERYTHING. I don't have much faith in counseling, am a pretty private soul, and have met before the one counselor I believe is provided by my insurance co, and really wasn't impressed. I am in such a fog, am completely energy-free and lethargic, and end up wondering why I am not "doing better" at this, for lack of a better term. Also, feeling awful for feeling so awful, as my conditions could be a million times worse than I feel like they actually are, when I take the true measure of it all. Such a back and forth, and up and down from day-to-day. Then figure that is to be expected, and the cycle starts anew. I really just can't seem to get much of a grip on any of it, or how I feel about any of it, or how I should feel, or anything else... Recent chemo (Gemzar) seems to be doing it's job, and I think it's driving me nuts just sitting around from week to week waiting, or whatever it is I am doing.

Thanks for listening, I don't really have anyone who just wants to listen to me cry. Reading back, all I think is geez what a whiner, and try to tell myself that's o.k. I have a great cat who's totally freaked out by it all...

I am so glad you have found this forum although I'm terribly sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

The initial weeks and months after a mets diagnosis are the hardest. Dealing with the shock and fear can be very difficult. But as others have said, over time it gets a bit easier, and you'll find many people who are doing well with a good quality of life!

If it's possible, have the met(s) biopsied to see what their estrogen (ER), Progesterone (PR) and HER2 status are, since they may differ from the original cancer (if you were previously diagnosed). If the cancer is ER+ and/or PR+, then the oncologist should be considering hormonal treatment, and if it's HER2+ then Herceptin and Perjeta may be considered along with a Taxane. Additionally, you may want to request testing to see whether the tumor has Androgen Receptors (AR), since there are some promising clinical trials that target Androgen Receptors in a similar manner as current hormonal therapy targets Estrogen Receptors (ER).

Even if you are hormone receptor negative (ER- and PR-) you may still consider hormonal therapy according to the latest (2014) National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCCN) Guidelines, "Patients may be candidates for hormonal therapy irrespective of their hormone receptivity status, provided that their cancer is in the bones, soft tissue (muscle, fat or nerves), or internal organs and is not causing symptoms. The reason for suggesting hormonal therapy is because sometimes the metastasis is indeed hormone receptor positive and the actual test results are incorrect. (This represents a major shift in thinking regarding potential therapies for TNBC and hormone receptor negative patients). From: http://www.nccn.org/patients/guidelines/stage_iv_breast/index.html#33/z

This is very important: Please remember to keep copies of all tests results and scans in case there eventually is a need or desire to have a second opinion from a specialist outside your medical network.

You may also want to seek a second opinion at any point about treatment.

I've compiled a 120 page booklet about Metastatic Breast Cancer treatments, side effect mitigation, and cutting edge research regarding the disease.You are welcome to request a complimentary copy by visiting the top of this page: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/831507?page=2#idx_32

Two published books which you may want to read are:

"Anti Cancer: A New Way of Life" by Dr. David Servain-Schreiber (the book zarovka recommended). The author, an MD, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor which he survived for nearly 20 years by following the science-based principles described in his book.It contains excellent information about diet and supplements, as well as emotional well-being.

"Life Over Cancer" by Dr. Keith Block, an expert in integrative oncology who combines cutting-edge conventional treatment with individualized and scientifically-based complementary therapies.This book is an excellent resource for those who are interested in combining conventional and complementary therapies.

Please post if you have questions, and wishing you a great outcome!

Pajim, I like the sound of your Onc! Mine in the beginning was so grim I DID get rid of a bunch of my stuff! Not too much I regret yet but still.....Even now she is not terribly great at instilling hope.

VAMom, Welcome and so very sorry to hear of all the emotional trauma you are going through. I can honestly say we have all been there and it does settle down and get easier as time goes on. A lot of us have felt like we are "in the way", not doing a better job of dealing. It is totally OK to be a whiner. We all need to and have certainly vented here about the fear, anger, confusion.... you name it. The only things I can suggest are to come here and read about other women's experiences and most importantly, try and get up and out every single day whether it is for a short walk, a cup of coffee or walking the mall. Distraction and exercise helps tremendously. Let us know how you are doing.

Hi Antionetta. Boy do I remember that feeling. I was diagnosed with MBC at 32 in 2014 and have been what we call NED (no evidence of disease) ever since. It will take time to process your feelings, so don't rush yourself. You'll settle into a treatment plan which will put your mind at ease. We're here when you need us. I'm in Arkansas so perhaps were close enough for a visit someday.

Kelli