This is not weird! I am not crazy!!

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I'm having a single mastectomy done next week. Everyone - surgeon, nurses, sister - all think I am crazy not to get reconstruction. What is crazy is going through ten hours of surgery and having a chunk of your abdomen removed and a week in the icu to create a fake boob. Crazy to put an implant under a muscle to push it up and make it look like a boob. Why would I go through all that risk and pain and expense to create a fake boob? I am feeling at the end of my rope after getting another call with the nurse reminding me if I don't reconstruct I will be completely flat. Yeah I pretty much have that figured out. Please stop saying it like it is the worst thing that will ever happen to me! I can live without my boob. I can live without a fake boob.

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Comments

  • Toscaxoxo
    Toscaxoxo Member Posts: 18
    edited July 2016

    I hear you! I chose to have a double mastectomy without reconstruction in August 2015 and have been very happy with myself since then. Flat is fine. If I want to wear a bra with stuffing, I do. Nobody really cares. But, oh my, before the surgery EVERYONE was pressuring me and telling me that I needed to do recon to feel feminine. Really? Telling me that I would regret it down the line. I don't. I found the pushiness very insulting. I like myself just fine. So glad you are doing what you want; it's your body.

  • cling
    cling Member Posts: 333
    edited July 2016

    I had my left MX in February 2011, after chemo treatment. I made up my mind not to have recon from the day I was declared with BC for the same reason you have, and had repeatedly said no to everyone who reminded me about recon. I never regret my decision, and the recovery from Left MX is swift, I could really go back to work the next day if not prohibited by my doctor, but I did go back a week later with drains still in for another week. Never order the silicon boob, just use the form with light weight in it. Most time after work I go braless and just wear a T-shirt, who cares it is lopsided. I am confident in myself, not depending on my boobs.

    Good luck on you surgery, and take care of the drains. Be sure to ask about recommended post surgery exercises. I was never told to do any exercise so had to make some hasty practices to meet the minimum standard (able to raise the arm) before radiation was to start.

  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited July 2016

    Do put your explicit wishes in writing, give it to your surgeon, and request that it be placed in your medical chart. This provides incentive for the surgeon to do as you ask. Specify: Flat, no extra skin, no extra tissue, will not be reconstructing.

  • dragonsnake
    dragonsnake Member Posts: 159
    edited July 2016

    I'm doing a BMX without reconstruction tomorrow. I was offered reconstruction, but it's hard for anyone (except for my daughter, and, occasionally, my DH) to make me to do what I don't want to. I asked to be flat, but my surgeon said that he will leave some skin in the back because it will help me to move my arms. So, dog ears for me.

  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited July 2016

    Dragonsnake, make him put it in writing that that's why he's doing it and that it's needed. Your body may differ from mine, but I am flat and without dog ears and have great range of motion. Message me if you want photos.

  • Lisey
    Lisey Member Posts: 1,053
    edited July 2016

    there's a facebook page called Flat and Fabulous I'm a member of. It's awesome to see how great these women look. Honestly, I succumbed to the pressure of reconstruction and had TE's put in with my Mastectomy. That lasted 3 weeks.. until the agony and realization of what I was doing hit me. I understand people suffering pain for prostetic legs and arms (they serve a purpose)... but to have a lump of skin with this foreign bag under my muscles that my body is going to naturally try to calcified around and treat it like a pearl... Why was I doing that?

    So at 3 weeks out I went back to the PS and told him I had to have them out ASAP. I'm 5 days out of removal surgery and flat, but not horrid looking. I still feel like me and frankly, 3 people have told me I look thinner without my boobs, so there's that. : ) I'm staying natural and maybe will tat up at some point.

  • Jennie93
    Jennie93 Member Posts: 1,018
    edited July 2016

    mydogspot, holy cow, where are you located? That is bordering on malpractice in my opinion. I had a UMX almost 4 years ago and had a totally different experience. Not one nurse or oncologist or my family doc ever uttered the word reconstruction. My surgeon asked, ONCE, if I was considering it, I said no, that was that. He gave me a nice flat scar with no dog ears. And I had no idea that one might not, or that you should make sure they respect your wishes. If I had been left with a bunch of extra skin or big dog ears I would've been livid!!!



  • Birdysmom
    Birdysmom Member Posts: 58
    edited July 2016

    Good for you, do what you want and not what society or doctors want to push on you. They'll make more money if they can get you to do more procedures. I'm flat on one side from a uni and I don't regret anything ! We're so much more than just our boobs. I don't even wear a padded bra and refuse to hide it.

  • floaton
    floaton Member Posts: 181
    edited July 2016

    mydogspot- nope, not crazy!!! Surgery is no joke. I think that avoiding it as much as possible is completely reasonable decision making. I have a nice, flat scar with no dog ears. I'm almost 3 years in now and honestly worry less and less about hiding the fact I'm a uni with time. I figure if I can deal, so can other people! Best wishes for a great result and quick recovery.
  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited July 2016

    No, you're not crazy. I've always felt that if reconstruction could give me my nipple sensation back, well then I'd consider it. But of course it won't, so why would I put my body through all that for numb lumps? Stand firm and be true to what you want. I think that's the only way to have peace of mind after the surgery. When all is done, you will have the power to choose to wear or not wear foobs, and most people won't notice no matter what you do.

  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited July 2016

    And I second "Flat and Fabulous." It is a wonderful, diverse group of total flatties and unis, and we have a range of different ways of being who we are without both (or either) of our breasts. I love that group for that - not everybody is like me, but I feel such comaraderie with all these women who like me choose not to put themselves through more surgery.

  • JBeans
    JBeans Member Posts: 388
    edited July 2016

    You're not crazy.

    I had my left off just over a year ago and spent a year flat on one side. I stuffed one side on weekdays and went lopsided on weekends.

    Due to a bunch of things (but as I just found out in the pathology report not cancer -yay!) I had the other off a couple of weeks ago. This recovery has been a bit more difficult but I am enjoying being flat and may just choose to go flat all the time. I have no intention to do any reconstruction- just my personal feeling - I know of others who had it and love it but it's just not for me. My breasts have done their job and I'm glad to see the end of them. Woah, sorry that came out - harsh but true. Not that it matters but I do hate them and am glad they are gone - one turned against me just when it was doing what nature intended by nursing my second born.

    I love going braless now - it feels so free and pardon this but it feels truly like a great weight has been lifted from me.

    Good luck. I hope it goes well, you have a speedy recovery and feel well.

  • tsoebbin
    tsoebbin Member Posts: 474
    edited July 2016

    I'm 2 weeks post op what was going to be delayed construction... mind changed! I think I'll like being flat.

    Looking for ideas for clothes for plus sized flatties...but feeling good about my decision!

  • Denise-G
    Denise-G Member Posts: 1,777
    edited July 2016

    I asked my Nurse Practitioner at a huge university hospital, what are the percentages that she sees of women

    getting reconstructive surgery - she said it is about 50%.    I had a UMX almost 5 years ago.  No one has ever

    made any "remarks" about my decision.   I am sorry you have had to go through this!

  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited July 2016

    My surgeon also reported a 50% rate, and said about half the people who reconstruct ultimately undo it. Flat is not rare.

  • rockhopper77
    rockhopper77 Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2016

    I also opted for no reconstruction, though it was a bilateral. One round of drain tubes I figured would be enough. Ended up in again a month later for debridement and wearing a wound vac for a little over a month as my left side wouldn't heal right. Surgeon said I had thin skin (go figure!) and she was glad I did not opt to reconstruct.

    As I was given absolutely no instruction on nutrition as I left the hospital - nope, nothing in that big packet about how to help your body heal - I found out about Juven from a nurse on these boards as I was getting ready to go in for the second surgery and worrying about that would vac. She had used Juven along with protein shakes to help her body heal, and was weeks ahead of her doctor's timeline. Juven promotes tissue building. She said surgeons at the hospital she worked at in Kentucky had their patients use it.

    The sad thing is, I asked my surgeon about Juven after the SECOND surgery and she said yes I could take that. How about telling me that to begin with? Maybe I wouldn't have needed the second surgery. To add fuel to the fire, I mentioned it at the wound clinic and they had free samples! How backwards is this??

    I set up an appointment with a nutritionist after that. Protein, zinc, vitamin C... I didn't know about all that, and I am a pretty healthy eater. And I made it off the wound vac 1-2 weeks ahead of schedule. I don't know why the nutritionists are not called in more often, and the one I saw shook her head about it.

    At one of my last visits to the wound center I spoke with an older gentleman also wearing a wound vac. He and his wife were planning a trip but he was having troubles healing. I asked him what he thought about the Juven... uh, never heard of it. I immediately told him to get some samples at the desk. Of all people I thought he should be informed.

    Take charge of your own recovery. Do some research. I wish I had done more earlier on, but I counted on my healthcare professionals to guide me... they did... right back to the OR.

    Best wishes to you for a speedy recovery!!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Make sure your surgeon understands that you do NOT want extra skin left!!! I told my surgeon that he would just have to go back in and clean it up if he did. I had a general surgeon and have shown my scar line to other's who used plastic surgeons and they've said my scar is way cleaner and flatter than theirs! I've seen pics of masts that show a "pooch" of tissue just around the scar line but that is so unnecessary.

    As for dog ears....if you are even slightly over weight, the surgeon has to decided where to stop his incision line. Think of taking a slice out of a sponge ball and clamping it back together...you'll see a bulge in the corners. That's what dog ears are. Just the place were the surgeon had to stop taking away tissue. They do it under your arms as it's the easiest place to hide. It shouldn't be enough for reconstruction though, so don't let your surgeon fool you!

    I've gone flat for 7.5 years now and just love it!! I look thinner, the arthritis in my neck is better and I didn't have to risk my life for fake breasts. I go totally flat, wearing all the same clothes I used to and no one really notices. I've worked with people who after six months when I told them are stunned! I am proud of my flat chest. I won THAT battle.

    And as I'm famous here for saying, "Why should I wear fake boobs to make YOU feel better?"

  • Metta
    Metta Member Posts: 84
    edited July 2016

    Yes! I love this thread. You ladies are awesome. I had a BMX without reconstruction about a year ago. I knew right away that I didn't want reconstruction. Although I don't love the way my bare chest looks (much lumpier than I expected), I am very happy with my decision. There's a psychological side to it that I didn't expect: I actually feel calmer with no boobs. When I see women with huge boobs, I feel sorry for them. And anyway, when I go out, I have breast forms that make me look just like I did before surgery. I just didn't want to spend time away from my family stuck in bed recovering from multiple surgeries or complications.

    So you rock! Just tell your friends and family that everyone has to make her own decision. I know how you feel--everyone from nurses to close friends encouraged me to get reconstruction. I really appreciated the friends who told me they'd probably skip it, too. Why put your body through all that? Anyway, you are in good company. We are here for you. Let us know how it goes.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    I've actually gotten a lot of respect from various specialists I see for not get recon. My cardiologist was the most impressed! I feel very sexy feeling fabric brush against my bare skin. When I see large-breasted women, my brain goes "Mooooo"

  • crystalphm
    crystalphm Member Posts: 1,138
    edited July 2016

    No reconstruction for me, I am a wimp about surgeries and would not have an elective one, and I have seen that horrible scar on the belly, who needs that? It all seems way too painful...and I am a wimp about pain. Now I can wear forms if I want, or go flat (and fab :-) around anytime I want also.

    I just had to have the medical invasiveness behind me, I have my self esteem "down times" but I know myself well enough to know silicon in my chest would not make me happy or feel good about my body.

    Posting here, as well as Flat and Fabulous on facebook (a closed group, ask to join) helps me every step of this journey.

  • tsoebbin
    tsoebbin Member Posts: 474
    edited July 2016

    Well said, crystalphm.

  • BlueKoala
    BlueKoala Member Posts: 190
    edited July 2016

    I just had the opposite yesterday meeting with my breast surgeon!


    I said I was hesitant about reconstruction because I don't want unnecessary surgeries and I'm concerned about whether a recurrence would be harder to spot, she said both of those are valid. She said reconstruction was major surgery, and you have to really consider seriously whether it is something you want. Plus, she can't do it, and I would have to travel to Brisbane (1300km away) to get it done because there are no plastic surgeons where I live.


  • SuC
    SuC Member Posts: 55
    edited July 2016

    My surgeon was lovely - offered me recon and when I said no he has never questioned my decision. In fact he says he thinks he would do the same if he was in that situation.


    There is no need for extra skin to be left for arm movement - your range of movement will depend on your exercises/physio post op. I am flat, did not even bother to buy prostheses and like one of the ladies mentioned before - love the feeling on the fabrics on my naked skin. I can exercise without bounce. On a hot day it is wonderful to wear no bra. I do not think I could psychologically accept implants in my body and I am not undergoing the duration of a TRAM/DIEP procedure for anything less than a life saving operation.

  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2016

    mydogspot, you are not crazy!! you have many flat sisters here! it is your body, you make the decisions.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Jo, why did they make you do a lat flap if you weren't getting recon? That's a painful surgery from what I understand.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited July 2016

    Wow! I can't imagine how stressful that was for you, Jo!! Glad, you're here to tell us...

  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 936
    edited July 2016

    Mydogspot-

    I am just seeing this now but I had a single mast. 10 years ago.  I was diagnosed stage III when I was 40 years old.  EVERYONE thought I would "just reconstruct".  I did not want more surgery after going through chemo and rads.  I would never make a decision like that based on my husband but he supported me 100%.  I have never, ever regretted it, despite people still (yes, 10 years later) saying that I could still reconstruct.  My docs have always been supportive and the don't ask me but people who think reconstruction is a walk in the park will look at me like I'm crazy.  There are many of us who understand what you are feeling.  I hope your surgery goes well and you heal quickly.

  • boricua_63
    boricua_63 Member Posts: 92
    edited July 2016

    Hello, I am having reconstruction, however from the beginning when I found out about this, I said I didn't want a reconstruction, I really don't know what made me change my mind, maybe it was bc everything happened so quick. ( diagnosed 5/2 and mastectomy on 5/23)

    Now I developed an infection (after 4 wks) so plastic surgeon will be removing the tissue expander and I am not having the reconstruction. It is painful and uncomfortable. And the way I see it is if "the girls bring me trouble" then I don't want them.

    Thank you for listening. 💕

  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2016

    Boricua: best of luck on your upcoming surgery. Hoping everything goes well.

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