Consumed with fear for the future

Well, I know some breast cancer patients DO worry about mets. Even though I was diagnosed at Stage III, I personally don't worry about mets. I'm too busy with work and my kids to stress too much about something I can't do much about. Do you have any hobbies or things to keep your mind off of cancer? If you do, and you're still stressing about cancer, you might want to look into counseling or anti-anxiety meds. Good luck!

I would guess that most people are consumed with worry when they find out they have BC, no matter what the stage and grade. It's especially bad when you have that information, but you don't have a plan. It's very easy for your mind to "go there". A couple of things helped me through--keeping my mind and hands busy. I did this by watching a LOT of HGTV and the Food Network, LOL. Not even kidding. HGTV always ends on a happy note and there is no plot to follow. I worked on some sewing in the evenings, while I was watching TV. I also talked with my doctor about getting a prescription for an anti-anxiety med--I am still working on the prescription she gave me last October, so obviously I don't need it all the time, just when the anxiety is at its worst. What I did NOT do was keep googling breast cancer because there is a lot of mis-information out there, some of it very scary and inaccurate.

I don't know if you have a plan in place just yet, but if you don't then you will probably feel better once you have that plan. Fortunately, you have a cancer that is pretty easily treated with hormone suppression and radiation; I doubt that chemo will be on the table. Which is a good thing, believe me! As for worrying about mets, well, I don't know. I don't really *worry* about mets, but it's kinda always in the back of my mind. If I were to pick at it and stir it up I'm sure I could really get it going. But I made a decision that I am not going to do that.

Kathy, I have the same diagnosis, and just had my first followup mammo....all clear. Funny thing is that I never did have an all-consuming fear once I was diagnosed, perhaps because the unknown was so much scarier than the eventual known (small, low oncotype, Luminal A). Though I know Luminal A can eventually come back (although 70% of the time it doesn’t), I quite frankly am far more afraid of the political situation (more than that I can’t say in this thread) and what the future holds for our adult son--like so many other college-educated millennials, in a field (performing arts) that is highly competitive but rarely lucrative, part of the first generation who will not do as well financially as the previous one.

I’m 65, and doing what is indicated to prevent recurrence. But it is what it is--and if you let the fear take over, you won’t be able to take full advantage of life’s pleasures or effectively deal with its non-cancer-related challenges.

were those reoccurrences in people you know even after taking chemo or were those people who had had reoccurrences with those who did radiation and chemo only? Thanks

My MIL found her nipple inverted, back in the early 1970s when there was no such thing as mammography, breast ultrasound, MRI, OncotypeDX, hormone-receptor or HER testing, core-needle biopsies, or the concept of sentinel-nodes. Back then, all cancer was considered so aggressive that it had to be removed as soon as it was discovered, along with the entire organ in which it was found. No time allowed for second opinions or what to do about it--no such thing as conscious decision-making by a patient. All breast cancer biopsies were surgical, done by general surgeons under general anesthesia. The biopsy was conducted by “frozen section,” with the surgical team waiting (patient still under) while the pathologists examined the section and declared either “malignant” or “benign.” No grades, stages, subtypes, etc. Before going under, the patient had to sign an acknowledgement that if malignancy was found, they would receive an immediate mastectomy--originally the Halsted radical (breast clear down to the sternum, all axillary lymph nodes--no biopsying any of them first--and pectoral muscles), but by the ‘70s, a modified radical (sparing the muscles). And they had to sign a consent to whatever degree of mastectomy the surgeon deemed necessary. No skin-sparing, nipple-sparing or reconstruction. Chemo was given based on tumor size and patient age (the older the patient, the less likely the chemo) and always resulted in nausea, vomiting, severe weight loss and immunosuppression. (No Neulasta, anti-nausea meds or steroids). No endocrine or targeted therapy. Everybody got radiation, including to the armpit even though all nodes were removed. The patient went to sleep not knowing whether or not she had cancer--finding out only upon awakening without her breast. My MIL was 63, and received a modified radical and full radiation. She lived to nearly 96, dying of complications of a massive stroke.

KathyL624 - thanks for posting this question. I have wondered too if the anxiety will decrease over time. I don't have the onco score back yet but all of the preliminary pathology reports seem good still I worry. I am early in the reconstruction process and have not yet returned to work after UMX but hope that once I am doing normal activities I can at least put the worries at the back of my mind. I appreciate the feedback from this group.

Once question has counseling helped the group deal with BC? I considered counseling when I was diagnosed but an such a private person but I realize that while I am doing fairly well physically dealing with my BC, I am still struggling with the emotional aspects.

Thanks,

Laurie

Laurie - talking to someone helped me I immensely. Initially I met twice with a psychologist who did not help at all. It was the Stephen Minister at my church who saved me. I met with her about an hour a week for several months. That hour was the one safe waking hour where I was free to pour out all my grief and fear without judgement and without the need to be "strong" for someone else. One of the healthiest things I've ever done.

After the chemo, and the surgery, and the radiation, my MO warned me: "It's when we stop torturing you that things [i.e. the psychological element] can catch up to you." She was right: I think a lot of people here have mentioned Post Traumatic Stress. I'd interpret that, for many of us, as the need to find a way to live with heightened uncertainty, well, forever. On the positive front, the numbers are on your side. And it does, definitely, leave one with more awareness of how to enjoy the splendor that is life!

Newbcny. Unfortunately you can have all the treatments and recur -I was so shocked when after going through my treatment plan w my team I was told there was still X % chance that it may come back. That's a reality check that those of us diagnosed with BC get. I really thought that everyone just did their treatment, were cured and moved on. I think there is still that belief amongst the general population which is why some family and friends don't understand why we are in this state of worry after we finish our treatments.

That said I agree with others that it does certainly does diminish over time. I'm 5 years out and it does not consume me like the early days. Yes I do still worry but I'm able to control my mind getting away from me.And I'm a major worry wart!!!

I never worry about recurring or developing mets. I already have them. There was a brief period of time when I was thought to be stage II, but that vanished in a heartbeat.

Some amount of worry is normal and can be beneficial as you verbalize those feelings and use them to gather strength to do what is in your power to live a healthy, happy life.

Being consumed by those feelings is not so good as overwhelming worry about tomorrow robs you of today. As others have said, seek support, counseling and meds as needed. Time will help too, but decide to flip cancer off by living, not by waiting for it to return (which it might never do!).

I just celebrated 5 years of living with stage IV. I work at a job I love, travel and adore my children, grandchildren, family and friends. I take ananti-depressant and sometimes Ativan. Cancer will take over my body eventually but I will not let it steal my heart and mind.

Wishing you the best.

Cancer is a journey none of us planned to take.

And it is totally natural to want to "get off that bus!" once the diagnosis/treatment has been completed.

Way I look at it.. have no idea if I might get pneumonia again, for example. Not going to sit around and worry about.

Good Luck and God Bless.