Depressed

keeping on, do you take an antidepressant? If not, it is worth considering. Something very mild may help.

My situation is somewhat different from yours as I don't have children at home. But my husband has also lost weight (45 lbs). and likes to get out and do things. And I've gained weight on Arimidex which also gives me daily joint pain and very sore feet.

What I've done is try to be smarter about things and not necessarily work harder. I still like to look nice and fix my hair. I still like doing things but I have to pace myself. We try to get out once a week. Now that it's hot outside, we sometimes go to the lake, nothing strenuous, get some sun, get wet, take a picnic lunch. We've gone to a county fair to see a hot air balloon launch, a local amphitheater to see local singing talent (easy enough to sit in a lawn chair on a nice evening) and gone to the fireworks. I don't feel like I have to keep up with everything my husband does but try to make a once weekly effort

And please, concentrate on what you really want and like to do, not just what the hubby wants. Sometimes dh will suggest an outing that doesn't appeal to me, so I say no. It's give and take, certainly, but we are still allowed to tap into what we as women need to be happy.

Also, know that men need to be needed. Yes, they want to do their own thing sometimes, but most have a chivalrous side to them and still want to protect and take care of their woman. So enlist his help with easy things you need him for, it's a good ego booster. Stuff like asking dh to buy the big heavy box of cat litter and carry it downstairs, or carry my full laundry basket upstairs and always verbally thank him for his efforts.

Artist, I hear you about the disconnect and distancing and how men cope. I've felt that with my husband. I try to see things from his point of view best I can and accept that I don't really know what it's like to be in his shoes. Part of me is thankful to know that he needs to know for himself he can somewhat stand on his own. I don't doubt his love for me. It's one of those things I think comes along with dealing with mbc.

You have some good relationship advice here. As for the depression, depressionsucks! So does expanding waistline from all these treatments. The fun never ends . . .

You may want to consider Wellbutrin for the symptoms you have. Unlike many other anti-depressants, it helps with energy and fatigue immensely (usually you will start to feel better with this aspect immediately) and is also known to cause some weight loss. A lot of the other anti-depressants can cause weight gain.

I was thinking about all of this last night when my husband began to complain about his bad back and his sore knee. And then I looked at him and realized "Hey, he is balding, he has a beer paunch and a LOT of old sports injuries" but I still love him to the moon and back! To me he is the handsomest, funniest, most caring guy on earth. Maybe it's just ME projecting my insecurities. I know he loves me and he still likes the way I look. He doesn't see all the little imperfections I do. I know slowly but surely my looks will slide and fade and I will get sicker. But for now I need to appreciate him every single day, the fact that he is my rock and shows me so much love in so many ways. I have to put that fear aside and accept things the way they are and be grateful. Yes, I am more tired, less motivated. But I do try and muster it up to do some of the things he wants. He is also very open to things I want to do. I don't want to be become a hermit and lose all social connections because of this stupid disease. I don't want to hamper his life either when I can help it.

Divine, you are so right that men need to DO something even if it is just carrying that basket. Any kind of thing they can do to actively help makes them feel less helpless. So as long as he is not going overboard on helping me I let him. (Sometimes he insists on doing things I can easily do which makes me feel like an invalid so I have to occasionally intervene!)

keepinon, I would feel a bit resentful and hurt too, if my husband were acting too self involved and very obviously staring at other women. I would definitely have a talk with him. At least you will know that you did your best to let him know how it makes you feel. You may find out that he does not even realize how he is acting.

Lynnwood, I definitely feel like I have some mild depression going on. It only strikes at moments but I think I may use JFL's recommendation and try some Wellbutrin. Even if for more energy. I'll have to ask my Onc about liver issues first.