Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited May 2016

    You and your dd are the coolest in that ride! In my next life or wherever I am after death,I hope someone will spoil me.

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  • Rosieo
    Rosieo Member Posts: 262
    edited May 2016

    Kandy

    I think you are the coolest too!!!!!!!!!!Enjoy that beautiful car and I hope you put many many many miles on it.

    Rosieo

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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited May 2016

    DG, Yep I try and divert those moods before they get a good grip. This weekend we went to a music festival with some long time friends who make me laugh sooooo hard. It was really wonderful to just let loose. Shutter, Good for you girl! Drive that car like you are 16 again! Mine is 15 years old with 180,000 so I am rolling that around, but also want to get a small travel trailer as I don't get out of a tent as easily as I used to! Hahaha! Happy Memorial Day all!

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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited May 2016

    DG, Yep I try and divert those moods before they get a good grip. This weekend we went to a music festival with some long time friends who make me laugh sooooo hard. It was really wonderful to just let loose. Shutter, Good for you girl! Drive that car like you are 16 again! Mine is 15 years old with 180,000 so I am rolling that around, but also want to get a small travel trailer as I don't get out of a tent as easily as I used to! Hahaha! Happy Memorial Day all!

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited May 2016

    image

    Kandy - Look at you -- I'd call that Kandy Apple Red! Love it!

    Artist- before my dx it was our dream to find and rehab an old canned ham or airstream. Maybe one day...

    Here is my new ride


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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited May 2016

    That is VERY sweet! Looks pretty sporty there!

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited May 2016

    Oh Shutterbug, I am loving your new ride. So cute. Enjoy every mile.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited May 2016

    Now you all have me thinking about a new car. Mine is almost 10 years old, but it's never given me a minute of trouble, except for that short period of time when the alarm kept going off (but only in my garage, late at night). Still, I guess there's no harm in thinking..

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited May 2016

    Exbrxgirl, go for the new car. You only live once. Enjoy.

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  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 2,550
    edited May 2016

    caryn .... New car time! You've gotten your money's worth with 10 years! Shutter, love your new Subaru and love that red convertible, Kandy

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  • LvinAZ44
    LvinAZ44 Member Posts: 213
    edited May 2016

    you are all so optimistic. I can't seem to get there. I'm so sad and angry. I feel awful all the time and wonder if i should just end things myself. My eyes constant water, i can hardly work, my body feels like it's 100 years old. I just don't look forward to anything, it's the end, i wont grow old. Disability starts this month so that's good but my bf has been out of work for Almost 2 months so I'm sure he doesnt want me to quit but..i keep trying to tell him we should move back home to Ohio, there are jobs there not like in az. Plus it's flipping hot!!😭 It's going to be 118 this weekend!! Ahhhhhhh. I guess on one bright note I contacted a group stil that will pay for a wig up to 250 so I'm going this weekend to get a nice one instead of these cheapies i keep wearing. I needed to vent thanks for reading. Hope everyone is well.


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  • 50sgirl
    50sgirl Member Posts: 2,527
    edited May 2016

    LvinAZ,

    I am worried about you. Do you have a support system there? Someone you can talk to? Are you in pain? If you are, do you have pain medications, and are they working? Are you taking antidepressants? Many people who have who are stage IV need them to help them cope. Are you seeing a counselor? This disease can be scary and harsh. Don't try to face this alone. There is help for you. There are pain specialists, psychologists, palliative care doctors who can help you manage your way through this. You should contact your MO or PCP for references.

    Will your BF consider a move to Ohio? Maybe he could set up some job interviews in Ohio and travel up there for them What is holding him to AZ?

    Are you responding to treatments or is it too early to tell? Sometimes it takes a while. I know that you have been dealt a lousy hand, and it isn't fair. There is no explanation for what has happened to us. We all just try to adjust to what we have and take one day at a time.

    I hope you find the perfect wig! Sometimes new hair can perk you up for a little while. You are in my thoughts.

    Lynn

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited May 2016

    LVinAZ, do you take any type of antidepressant? Many of us dealing with stage iv use meds to help us cope. I take antianxiety meds, I was not depressed but fearful. And if you are taking something, you need to speak with your doctor and let them know how badly you feel. Please do this for yourself. You are worth it, and you do not have to do this all on your own. As the saying goes, better living thru chemistry.

    You are looking forward to the wig. You should also put on your calendar other things to look forward to. They do not have to be big. Do things that really speak to your soul. Find things that touch your spirit. If you feel 100, maybe you can just go relax at a pool and soak up some sun in the heat. It's okay to do that. You don't have to push yourself, but find a pace you can move at, and then keep moving forward a day at a time.

    .....saw I posted this the same time as 50sgirl......agree with her post.....

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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited May 2016

    Yes, great advice from Lynn and Divine. I have some pretty awful days when the fear rears it's ugly head. But I realize some of the fear is from thinking I won't get some things done that I would like to accomplish before my time is up. So I get very busy doing some of those things and it does distract me from ruminating on the dark thoughts for a least a stretch of time.... spending time with family and friends is a big one.

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  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 2,550
    edited May 2016

    livinaz,

    What we are going through is no walk in the park .... I totally agree with Divine and 50s girl .... Antidepressants are a great help to many of us. We may seem optimistic at times but believe me, there are times when we are all down in the dumps. Bco has lots of threads that help with dealing with the negatives that we all face. Glad you expressed your feelings. That is an important first step! This is a great place to vent and you can always find someone who is right where you are or has been there and will reach out to help. You are not alone

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  • Rosieo
    Rosieo Member Posts: 262
    edited June 2016

    LVinAZ

    Yes I too feel like crap more times than not But then I read all the positive's on these threads. There is lots of encouragement coming from many many women in the same boat, and they have so many positive stories that it just lifts me up and tells me that I have more positives than negatives at this time.

    I too was diagnosed around June 2015. I read the positives and tell myself "if they can do it, I can do it" join me and the other positives and Let's just do it.

    Rosieo

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  • singlemom1
    singlemom1 Member Posts: 434
    edited June 2016

    LVinAZ,

    I have very hard days also. I am on a antidepressant and I believe this helps. Please know you are not alone in your feelings of fear. I find that some days I feel positive and have hope. Other days the fear can get the best of me and I can spiral into a dark and isolated plac

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  • Andi67
    Andi67 Member Posts: 423
    edited June 2016

    Hi LVinAZ...I agree with everyone else; I have been on anti-anxiety medication (Ativan) since the second I heard the words "Stage 4". I don't know what I would do without it and I will definitely ask for something stronger if/when I need to. Like others, I still completely freak out sometimes....I think it's impossible not to, but you should definitely find other things to look forward to. I was just in Scottsdale for 5 days....we could have met for coffee or something. I know it's hot.... but on the other hand, the heat actually made my bones feel way better than the cold Denver springtime weather we have been having.... so there is something to be said for the temperatures. Please hang in there!

    XO

    Andi

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited June 2016

    LVinAZ - I want to echo what everyone else has said about antidepressants and Ativan. I too have relied on Ativan. I took it more often in the beginning, but I still take it around scan time or when I feel particularly anxious. I love Divine's idea of finding something to look forward to each day, no matter how small. Try to focus on the things you love...a good book, sunshine, a favorite movie or tv show. Make a list of those things so you can remind yourself when you feel down that there are things that you enjoy and want to continue to do. And please talk to your doctor about how you have been feeling.

    We are all here for you, so don't hesitate to reach out.

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  • Texasrose53
    Texasrose53 Member Posts: 354
    edited June 2016

    Hey Shutterbug!! I did the same thing yesterday. I woke up last night at midnight asking myself....did you really just buy a car diagnosed as Stage IV? Well.....we deserve to enjoy our life just as much as anyone else! So way to go!!!! Enjoy your new ride! I know I will!!!

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited June 2016

    Congrats Texasrose on your new ride. I so agree, my motto, enjoy every moment. So what are you sporting around in now?

    Caryn, I think you might as well join in, get that new car.

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited June 2016

    Congrats Texasrose! Send us a pic! :)


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  • DGHoff
    DGHoff Member Posts: 624
    edited June 2016

    I second everyone's opinion of Ativan! Although I haven't needed it much for anxiety as I really work on meditation to try to resolve it, there are some nights here and there that I have trouble getting to sleep, and it has really helped when I just can't quiet my brain down with breath work.


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  • DGHoff
    DGHoff Member Posts: 624
    edited June 2016

    Oh, and congrats to everyone with your new cars! Vroom!

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  • Wendy3
    Wendy3 Member Posts: 1,012
    edited June 2016

    Congrats on all the new wheels ladies that's great. I don't use any anti depressants I have MJ it's a lot healthier and has zero side effects along with the fact it may be helping my body fight this disease just a little.


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  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited June 2016

    Yes Texas, pictures! I may make the leap soon myself, as well as sell my house and get a small travel trailer. A lot of changes we have been talking about for so long make more sense than ever now....

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  • Texasrose53
    Texasrose53 Member Posts: 354
    edited June 2016

    So here is the pic! I didn't get to pick it up until yesterday.....I didn't like the wheels they had on it so I had them change those out.

    image

    Kandy...congratulations on that convertible. Looks like a lot of fun!!!

    Artist....you should take the plunge!!

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited June 2016

    Nice car TexasRose! (and nice to see you too!) I love it! :)

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  • Kandy
    Kandy Member Posts: 1,461
    edited June 2016

    Awesome car TexasRose. You will definitely enjoy that. Wishing all of you a wonderful day.

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  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 2,550
    edited June 2016

    nice ride, texasrose!

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