Going down the rabbit hole again...

I understand your concerns. In the last two months I went from a positive mammo to core biopsy to excision of a DCIS, 7 mm, grade intermediate to high, smallest margin 1.8 mm, comedo positive, no microinvasion, ER/PR still pending, Oncotype DX DCIS still pending. At present, at my age of 73, my Memorial Sloan Kettering recurrence prediction before any further treatment is 20% in 10 years, with the usual recurrences being 50-50 invasive/non-invasive.

As a health professional I fear radiation and tamoxifen. Might consider raloxifene, as it does seem to ward off invasive cancer if not DCIS, but am a worrier. You, though, have had good treatment and I truly think you can relax. DCIS at a high grade grows 7 mm per year (the low and mid are about 2 and 4) and this would be found, hopefully before any invasion took place, and it is very unlikely as you have completed good treatment.

I rather wish I'd already had radiation without it killing me or giving me a bad second condition so I could relax, but can't currently face it unless my Oncotype DX score turns out high. I do think you have every reason to let time ease your fears, and I hope it happens quickly for you.

All the Best.

I think this is near-universal.

Kkubsky - it is common to have second thoughts after we finish treatment. I'm 9 days post-treatment and wonder, from time to time, if I've done enough. I've caught myself reading the DX lines of people on this board with similar tumor size/histology/grade as mine and comparing my TX decision with theirs, which is absolute madness since we all know every case is different and every decision an individual one.

But if you're uncertainty is starting to affect those around you, as you said, I think it's time to consider counseling. Your MO or BS will certainly have a referral for you because you're not the first person they've treated who feels this way. But your focus on this is robbing of you of precious happiness moments. Each heartbeat you waste obsessing on your treatment at this point is a heartbeat you'll never get back. Please think about it.

(((((Hugs)))))

Kkupsky--I am new to these boards but I can't help but think an anti-depressant might be of benefit to you. It's certainly worth talking to your doctor about. I just hate to think of you making yourself more miserable than you have to be with the worry--it is so debilitating. Help is out there--take advantage of it.

I too had DCIS, high grade, camedo necrosis, ... I would give ANYTHING to be able to have had a lumpectomy and radiation. It was not an option for me. I had a unilateral mastectomy. Every day I am thankful for the remaining healthy breast but I miss my other breast soooo much! In my case that particular one was amazingly sexually sensitive. So sex for me is COMPLETEY different, even though the healthy one, luckily, is still sensitive. I am also in negative thoughts on how I look now. How even if our significant others are 'fine' with the way we look now, it is not what they would 'prefer' and I let that bother me. My husband doesn't get it... Why can't I just move on? And should I have had a bilateral mastectomy? Now I worry about the remaining breast.....

Long story short (Ha!) we all can have negative thoughts. We all worry about things. The reality is ALL the options sûck. We now have to live with our choices and have to deal with their particular suckiness. But, to be clear, a mastectomy is permanent, there is no going back. I think your choice was a good one, and you still have options, but don't second guess yourself. Yes, you will probably always have a worry in the back of your head. That is normal. I am going to live with that awful worry if it means I can keep one of my breasts.