Good news was the express clinic saw me and said lungs were clear... Got a script for hydomet and told to stay in Tylenol next two days. Probably a virus. Now more crap...the software for the radiation machine is acting frizzy so I will be sitting here another hour, will have to come back later or maybe just go for it and see if it gives me spiderman super powers

Sassy girl, you! " May all there crotches be infested with thousands fleas and ticks." Hahahahahahahaha! Love it! xo

love it! Add in resistant head lice too!

My mother has eaten like crap, never exercised and is about 100 pounds overweight. Breast cancer? Nope, nada. Me, exercise, try to eat mostly organic? Yep, I'm on the cancer express. Correlation does not equal causation, everybody who says being overweight, etc. causes cancer can go screw themselves.

Either our cells grow bad and cause stuff, or they don't. I don't really buy into the blame game.

Now running behind the mosquito spray trucks when I was a kid, there's a bad thought!

Meow13, good to know, I can let go of that blame game thought too. I wonder how many of us did the running behind the mosquito truck lol

Sasschatzi... Holy crap. So much for healthy country living! We here in northern Ohio get a similar schtick with all the runoff and Steele mill crap pollution in Lake Erie (our drinking water). Corporate irresponsibility even when finally regulated is a killer as those chemicals don't just float out to sea, they stay stuck in the muck at the bottom of the lakes.

For the record it took 3 trips to the hospital for me this week. I'm still not sure the lab got what they wanted. The nurses would call and ask for the correct tube, the lab would send it to the nurse, the nurse would draw, the tube made it to the lab where they threw it away because it was in the "inapprorpriate" tube. Not sure what else I should have done!

But today I'm steaming because my girl participates in a rec league with volunteer coaches. NO ONE stepped in. She didn't play last year because I was so sick, so I couldn't let that happen again. So I stepped up. Then, a mom sends me a nasty email about how the girls weren't consulted about the type of socks I ordered and that $$ was too high. I shouldn't be telling her daughter what to wear. Seriously! Well, if you feel that strongly about things maybe you should be the manager! Yesterday at practice I did something that winded me so bad I was worried about passing out. Took me by surprise. Still hurting today. Where was that mom? Oh yah-awol.

Rant 1: to h$ll with all the people who thought I had to stay positive throughout chemo, surgery and now. I don't. If I get worried about recurrence, I'm Allowed that. You step in my shoes and she how positive you stay

I came out of a really messed up childhood relatively sane. I dealt with the reality of having mentally ill family members who are just sane enough to be allowed to function in society but sick enough to inflict pain and trauma on everyone around them and I accepted their illnesses as out of their control and forgave.

I suffered through a very hard infertility syndrome where I was basically classified a "spontaneous aborter." I endured 9 pregnancy losses over 4 years and countless grueling tests and treatments to get to carry to term my two beautiful children.

I end up with effing cancer. It took my long beautiful hair, aged me years in appearance and stamina, took my breasts, and damaged my soul. And still I went through it with my head held high. There's a chance node removal can cause cording. I got cording. There's a chance radiation can interfere with tissue expanders. It did. Tamoxifen can cause joint pain. I hurt every day.

So when's my break? When can I feel at least somewhat optimistic and happy again? Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and play with my kids and put on a happy face all the while I want to pull the covers back over my face and hide from life. But that's what my mom did. And my biggest fear now is that my kids will think of me how I thought of my mom when she suffered through her mental illness. That she was weak, didn't love us enough, and has a cold heart.

So I do it. I endure the long days of all consuming fear and anxiety and anger. I shove it all back down to the pit of my stomach. So in this thread on this day I dump it all here. With the hopes that finally saying all this out loud I can let some of it go. And maybe breathe again.

flipflop-

I hear you sister....I can identify with you on much of your post. ((Hugs))

Venting can help alot and Lord knows I've done my share on this board. Come back and vent away!

PM if you ever want/need to talk.

Flipflop, your post brings tears of admiration to my eyes. You have a beautiful soul and are doing your very best.

Brenda E

Ok so on the 3rd of February I went to the ER for kidney pain, following the herniated muscle repair I had on January 6. I told those people my kidney hurt, I told them that was the area in which I had the surgery, I told them my left kidney had been "manipulated" during the surgery. I was in the ER for 6 hours time in which they did a... chest XRay; a.... chest CT scan; a.... lung function to detect any PE?!? and a whole bunch of blood tests. At the end of the 6 hours I was told by a bright eyed and bushy tailed resident "good news you don't have a pulmonary embolism!". I looked at him like he had just sprouted three cabbage heads from his neck and told him "interesting. I thought I was here because my left kidney hurt, at least that is what I remember telling the doctor who saw me and everybody else and their mother". The resident got red in the face, stammered then left, and a nurse (well a murse) brought my discharge papers. I went today to get my medical records from that ER visit - because of course even if my dr had asked for them repeatedly they never faxed them - and guess what? My D-Dimer (indicator of possible PE) value was... normal. What was NOT normal was a low CO2 value and a high serum Magnesium value - both indicators of some kidney malfunction.

Of course once I got home that day I went online and filed a complaint - for all that good it might do. But I can tell you that today, I got in the car in the hospital parking lot, read the freaking records, then stripped the tires leaving the parking lot screaming (yes, screaming because I was so furious that I screamed) - I saw a few people looking after me but I didn't care.

I see my pain mgmt dr tomorrow. Knowing him, I foresee the whomever is the supervisor of their ER getting a very angry phone call soon.

(((flipflop))) Because I get it....

seachain, Don't let it go. Complain until they hear you! I swear, the ER is one of the most dangerous places a sick person can go. I hope that another doctor checked your kidneys after seeing that elevated magnesium level! That could be very dangerous. Hugs and see below for another ER disaster waiting to happen.

A local ER released my husband with a red blood count of 6.9 and a hematocrit of 13! His doctor had called ahead and told them to expect him and to prepare of possible transfusion. It was the closest hospital and it was 10PM at night so we went there and his doctor thought it best as hubby was so sick and a long ride would not be good for him!

Hubby's doctor has privileges in a different hospital so they basically said "Unless you want us to run all the same tests you just had with your own doctor, we suggest you go to the other hospital ER (which is an hour away) or wait until the morning and call your doctor for instructions! His doctor already gave instructions. He told them to treat him and then in the morning an ambulance would transfer him to Yale where he has privileges!

My husband could have died for pete's sake. His heart could have stopped with those readings I was told. It is all about the money and they don't listen anymore. I begged my insurance company NOT to pay the bill for that hospital (they still ran a bunch of unnecessary tests even after they told him he was being released!!) but alas, they told me they had no choice since services were rendered. The person who told us he is better off leaving was a "Hospitalist" which is a designation that many hospitals are using now to make sure people are insured and treated only to the level they could afford is my guess.

Two months before my initial diagnosis, I was laid off. My job was super stressful anyhow but I was making great money and it completely up ended our budget. Since then my husband has had a few nice raises (that almost keep up with the cost of living) and I found work part time that has kid friendly hours to boot. I started dealing with a recurrence two f###ing days before Christmas. This week I found out the owners are having the company evaluated to sell it. I have been in the workforce over 20 years.... And both times I had cancer I have to deal with a job change. What a bunch of BULLSHIT. And my crappy paying little part time job has awesome benefits. Thanks for the additional stress A$$holes.

JJOntario, my boss called me to ask how I was doing and to inform me that he would be away for vacation. Good that the kids didn't answer the phone, I was already on vacation. Without the blessing of my Dr, but it was great nonetheless.

Every time I start something new at work, I get cancer. I really think I've to stop working there and find something else, if I survive.

MoreShoes...LOL!! You made me laugh! I felt like a criminal...even though I actually did relax a bit. I really hate the constant contact with work. I have a total hysterectomy booked in a month ...I'm not rushing back to work for the sake of a few weeks only to be off again for 2 months. This past year has literally wiped me out and if I don't relax this next surgery is going to kick my butt. I feel like I am no mans land...not part of the working..but not part of the being home crowd either..