I am ferociously angry with my husband.

I am so angry with my husband. I will explain the background.

Last Tuesday my husband broke his leg at work. Coincidentally that same day, several hours later, we were supposed to go to court because our dog got in a fight with an off leash dog. He called me and told me he broke his leg, said he was fine , but said that his leg went sideways . I said I wanted to come down to the hospital and be with him. He told me not to, said he would prefer to handle this himself. I told him I really wanted to see him, that he was going to have to have surgery. He knows how afraid I get at the idea of surgery for anyone. I was crying and he said no, go to court and win the dogs case. I am no lawyer. I never, never wanted to go to court. He knew I got really nervous at the thought of doing the court thing, and that was even before he got hurt. I was very hurt that he told me not to come and be with him. I went to court, did miserably, lost the case. Court took like 4 hours. I was worrying the whole time I was in court that if he died in surgery, the last time I wanted to see him he told me not to come.

I went up and saw him after court, had to wait for him to come out of anesthesia. When I saw him I completely went off on him for turning me away, ignoring how I felt, worrying he was going to die. I have been arguing and fighting with him since last Tuesday. Now, I am not proud of yelling at him the day he got injured. But, big but is that he has always been pushing me away and that he doesn't trust me. He told me that he thought I might question the doctor before the surgery. Or that I might say things that would make him nervous, or that I might have stayed with him and not go to the stupid court. Those are his justifications for telling me notto come down to him. Heis never willing to take my suggestions about anything. The week before Thanksgiving he had a spot of Melanoma removed. He got an infection. He was put on the wrong antibiotic. I work in healthcare. I told him it was the wrong antibiotic right away. It had purulent drainage for three weeks, and that was WITH the antibiotics. I told him I asked 2 other doctors and 2 other ARNP 's about the antibiotics he was on. They all said his PS was wrong, that it was the wrong antibiotic and that is why it wouldn't heal. He ignored what I said, wouldn't believe me. I feel like God could come down from on high and tell him I was right, and he still wouldn't trust me.

This bc just showed up the cracks in our marriage and I can't forget all the ways he has been unsupportive to me over the years. It has just gotten especially bad since bc hit 3.5 years ago. He feels like he can say anything he wants without saying he's sorry. Doesn't seem to matter how I feel, how upset I get. He once compared me to our 74 year old neighbor across the street who got chemo for bc, saying, why wasn't I getting as much done as her. She had a tiny little incision, and hadn't yet at that time had more than a couple of weeks of chemo. I had had my breast cut off, chemo and was burnt to a crisp by that point. He saw nothing wrong with what he said.

I wish I could leave now but he is nearly immobile with his broken leg. I am afraid to be alone, to potentially get a divorce. We have two kids. He has said a number of times that he would either have nothing to do withour girls, or he would take them away and have me declared an unfit parent because I got upset and cried frequently during treatment and even since then with all the surgery problems I have had because of rad damage. I am worried about the money situation too as I lost my job on New Years, and I don't have any money left in savings. I worry if I left he might be vindictive about withholding money for my girls and I, as he was the breadwinner not me.

He is the only one I get so very angry with. I am not a crazy angry person anywhere else, or with anyone else. I know that my fuse is shorter since chemo poisoned my brain. I was worrying that I was losing my mind, but realized that I only got furiously, ragingly angry with him. If I were truly loosing my mind, then I would be crazy elsewhere as well.

I am mostly venting now, as I don't feel I can change my situation for several months at least. I feel like I have just run into a wall, that it all became too much for me, dealing with his BS.