Starting Chemo March 2015

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    every 30 days for awhile. I am breathing so much easier. I don't think I allowed myself to think the worst, but maybe my subconscious? Anyway, feeling relieved and grateful. And ready to move on now.


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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited January 2016

    I'm so happy for you katy.

    Bowie just heard the good news.

    image

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited January 2016

    Katy, Great news!!! We're all ready to tackle 2016 now!!!

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  • pboi
    pboi Member Posts: 663
    edited January 2016

    Great news...so happy for you Katy!

    PB

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  • avmom
    avmom Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2016

    Katy, it was time for some good news!

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    Thanks everyone. Definitely breathing easier.

    Sharon- Bowie is just too adorable

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited January 2016

    Headed for my 'routine' follow up with MO in about an hour. I have a list of complaints that I believe are due to Tamoxifen but I'm really wanting a bone scan of my spine just for reassurance. We will see how it goes. I also plan to ask him how much risk reduction I'm actually getting from Tamox so I can decide if it's really worth it.

    Katy - so happy your scan was clear and liver is at least stable.

    Bekah

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited January 2016

    Feeling down. Filed the official divorce papers yesterday. Started crying in line. I'm sure I'm not the first one they've seen. Tomorrow we will fill out all the financial stuff together. Working on budgeting. Looking for a job. It's raining. Motivation is lacking. I might head out to get firewood later. A book & a fire might be nice tonight.

    I also think my recon is faulty. The fake boob is so much smaller than the real one - I just don't see how it can be correct w/o more surgery. I also have this weird indent along my Mx scar.

    Sorry to be Debbie Downer...

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited January 2016

    Sorry you're having a big a tough time Eileen. So many feelings you must be experiencing....hang in there. The sun will come out again

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    Thanks Bekah- hope you get all your questions answered. In your pocket for support!

    E- ๐Ÿ˜ข Sowwy. Big hug.

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  • avmom
    avmom Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2016

    Hi Eileen,


    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down. Filing documents is a significant step, and it's normal to experience an increase in your grief and sense of loss. There are no shortcuts working through this - it's just hard. Please give yourself permission to have both "good" days and "down" days - both are part of the healing process. Sometimes you might catch yourself having a really good time, and almost feel guilty about it. Other times, you might feel guilty about having a "down" day, and be tempted to scold yourself for being being unable to deal with anything. Please, resist the urge to beat yourself up for either state. Your mind and soul need both good days and bad days to develop an equilibrium in your new situation. Grieving is normal, and healthy, and unavoidable, but gradually, it becomes a part of your life experiences and informs your memories, rather than being something that is in your face all the time. It does get better, but on its own timetable. Do what you can, and embrace your capacity to do more, as you are able. I'll be thinking of you.
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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited January 2016

    Thanks ladies. I know it will get better, just hard. Your support & hugs mean a lot to me.

    I do have fun news now though - I have been hired on as a substitute teacher MWF for all of January at a school I subbed at a few times and really like. It's very part time - 4.5h a day - with 2 year olds. I'm excited, I need to get out of the house and out of my own head. Being somewhere for a whole month will also I'm sure allow me to use the school as a reference to help me land something full time (although I'd really like to work at this school so there's also that).


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  • pboi
    pboi Member Posts: 663
    edited January 2016

    Congrats Eileen on the job! 2 year olds...that's a fun age. You'll no doubt get exercise in too on the job running after them ๐Ÿ˜Š

    PB

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited January 2016

    Definitely popping on my fitbit! The 2s are hysterical. I've worked in this class before - loved it!

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited January 2016

    That's great news about the job, Eileen. I am sorry about the filing. I know that must be so hard. Enjoy a night by the fire. Hugs.

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited January 2016

    MO isn't worried about my back pain. Thinks it's muscular. But if it persists he will order an MRI. He is going to order an iron infusion though because my Ferritin is really low and my Hgb is still low. Honestly this is something that probably has more to do with my gastric bypass surgery and not cancer but since he's a hematologist/oncologist...it all falls in his lap anyway. Hopefully it will help with my energy levels.

    He told me that I'm getting a 10% risk reduction (of recurrence) by taking the Tamoxifen and he wants me to give it another 2 months before I give up on it. He will test my hormones levels at the end of Feb and if I'm truly in menopause we can switch to an AI. But he's concerned that the AIs have more SE than Tamox so he thinks I'm better with staying on Tamox.

    DH was not happy to hear that I have a 15-20% chance of recurrence. He seemed to think we were 'done'. But I'm glad the MO explained it to him because he wasn't really listening to me. He's not upset with me...I think some of the things the BS said were a little misleading but she was talking about survival rates - not recurrence so DH was confused.

    Herceptin will be done at the end of March and my port can come out after the last infusion so I'm happy about that.

    Overall a good visit and as far as Tamox SE...he kinda said I need to find a way to deal with it. Said acupuncture may be helpful but he thinks things will work themselves out after another month or two.

    Bekah

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  • KBeee
    KBeee Member Posts: 5,109
    edited January 2016

    Bekah, I hope the iron infusion helps your energy levels. I also hope your body adjusts to the tamoxifen. Is your MO willing to test if you metabolize Tamoxifen well? Some people metabolize it too fast, some not at all.

    Eileen, I am so sorry your plate is so full right now; I am really glad to hear that you'll be working with those 2 year olds much of January. For me, staying busy and distracted helps me through the roughest times. Hoping sunnier days are right around the corner for you

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  • slothabouttown
    slothabouttown Member Posts: 449
    edited January 2016

    Eileen, I'm sorry your yesterday sucked. Those things we have to go through to make everything "offical" qualify as traumatic incidents. 2 year olds are therapeutic though so I'm happy you get to spend time wrangling them!

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited January 2016

    Bekah, It sounds like you are at least working with the right doctor. I think the husbands sometimes just don't want to consider recurrence. I was telling my husband about how I was reading about studies that dairy caused ER and PR + cancer and how maybe I should give it up and instead of considering it with me and discussing it, he tells me why the study is likely flawed and the changed the subject. It makes me SO mad but maybe he just can't handle it. I don't know.

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited January 2016

    My DH is the typical man....there's a problem - fix it. He doesn't understand that there is no cure and thinks that the BMX was supposed to be the definitive cure. The MO laid it out for him yesterday that with the BMX and nothing else there was a 40% chance of recurrence. But with chemo, Herceptin, and Tamoxifen it brings my recurrence risk down to 15%. If I drop Tamox it goes up to 25%. DH said 1 in 4 chance without Tamox and 1 in 6 chance with?!? The MO didn't like phrasing it that way but conceded that yes - among breast cancer survivors, those are my odds. I pretty much knew all that - I just didn't know how much Tamoxifen specifically was giving me.

    I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about my odds and I've decided that I'm not going to live in fear. I'm going to move on. Sure, there will always be a little concern in the back of my mind but I'm going to put myself in the 85% chance of NOT having a recurrence and be happy with that. I don't want to live with my head in the sand but I don't want to live in fear.

    I'm also coming to terms with my pain and I'm going to focus on other areas of my life to make the pain less of a daily issue.

    I'm just rambling but I feel like I'm in a better place today.

    Bekah

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    Bekah- your words are inspiring. Glad to see you in this better place today. Hugs.

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  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited January 2016

    rleepac - I found an anti-inflammatory diet helped immensely with joint pain, might be worth a try.

    jackbirdie - happy to see some good news from your appt!

    Yes, I'm watching y'all, lol!

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    Allison- it is so frustrating to try to get our loved ones to have a real conversation about this. It seems nobody wants to or maybe just not capable. I don't know. It's so frustrating when I'm here, a year later, trying to explain what's going on with Tamox, recurrence fears, etc. it's like they just segregated that topic off to the side and didn't hear it. Hearing it now for the first time. Ugh.

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited January 2016

    Thanks SpecialK. I like that you're watching ;)

    I typically consider myself to have a very good diet but I'll look into antiinflammatory diet specifically

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  • SueH58
    SueH58 Member Posts: 632
    edited January 2016

    Hi guys. I almost hate to post this with so many of you still suffering through the shit sandwich. But I do want to post because I'm hoping it will give hope and inspiration. I returned to work at the beginning of October but, in all honesty, didn't give a fuck about what was happening at work or in life. I had off 2 weeks over Xmas and, prior to my return 1/4, I felt like I was ready to face the world and a routine at work. On Tuesday, I woke up feeling energetic and with a happy heart. I don't remember this feeling in over 11 months. I was feeling so good I didn't want to go to bed for fear I would revert by morning. But still feel good again today. My apathetic attitude has subsided, and it seems I'm ready to dig back into life. I don't know if it's the time I've been off of chemo/rads, adjusting to the AI after 2 months, knowing that 2015 is over, or all/none of the above. But I recall a post from facebook (I think from Katy?) that said something like "I can't control yesterday or tomorrow, so I'm living for today." I'm excited to begin 2016 with that mantra.

    I hope, my sisters, some of you are also there, and that others will follow shortly.

    Hugs,

    Sue

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    Sue- that is really nice to hear. Good for you! ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited January 2016

    eileen I hope today has been a better one.

    Sue thankyou for sharing. I lover hearing that! I have great days and not so good days. I think this year will get better as the days go on.

    Andrew still hasn't moved out! He's procrastinating which is really getting to me. I'm just exhausted. He's in tasmania this week visiting his family.

    The bracelet is on its way to Arlene (greenae)here's an updated pic...

    image

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited January 2016

    I spy a pretty new charm? Backstory please?


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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited January 2016

    Sue: No, don't feel bad about being happy! That's the goal.

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited January 2016

    Sue, we are here to share the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm hoping there's a whole lot more helpings of good as we roll into 2016. I've had similar feelings - but I can't make them stick.

    But 2016 is off to a good start. The administrator at school I'm subbing at stopped me on my way out yesterday. They have a full time gig opening up and want to talk to me about it. So I'm meeting with her Friday before my sub shift starts. I need to see what the pay is before getting super excited. Pay in this field can be stupid low. But it's a she-she private school (in Bel Air) so hopefully they are ahead of the curve.

    Regarding people not understanding recurrence - I think it's especially so if you have a mx. If there's no breast how can you get breast cancer? That's what some people have asked when I've talked about recurrence. I explain & they say Oooooh, now i get it. Then that info goes to a separate brain bin because they don't have to think about it.

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