STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Good for you MEG2. Let it all out.

Shame on them. Selfish, selfish people. How dare they compare their self inflicted illnesses with yours.

Are you having a party because you decided to 'get clean' and kick cancer? I don't think so. Though I'm sure you would if it was within your power to 'kick cancer'.

I'm not minimising beating alcohol addiction but 'just get on with your life and stop patting yourself on the back for beating it'.

-and I know what I'm talking about-

Ignore their childish 'what about me' whinging. It's petty and selfish.

Good luck with your recovery.

Sas, it seems like half of the health "news" and "research" I read is trying to "prove" politically correct hypotheses demonizing weight, nutrition, fat, alcohol, etc. Most of the "findings" don't stand up to scrutiny, or, at best, show very weak or alost statistically insignificant correlation. Yet I see umpteen posts here from women trying to strategize somehow being perfect enough as to what they put in and on their bodies to escape the demon. Makes me sick. Those of us who have been here long enough know there were plenty of teetotaling, marathon-running vegans who got it anyway...

MelissaDallas wrote, " Those of us who have been here long enough know there were plenty of teetotaling, marathon-running vegans who got it anyway"

Truer words have not been spoken. I get so very sad when I see ladies here saying they gave up milk, meat, bread, cheese, wine, LIFE for pete's sake, all in hopes of minimizing their chances of it not coming back or getting it in the first place if it is not yet diagnosed. We all know it is a crapshoot and it can be very random and unfair. Many, many smokers who are overweight and eat chili dogs morning, noon and night don't ever get this nasty disease while those who are vigilant about healthy lifestyles do. Ugh...

Thanks for listening. I too stopped drinking wine over a year ago worried about it causing a raise in recurrence risk. I wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway with the slightest doubt in my mind....still, the one bitch at work actually had the never to suggest that by me eating a Lean Pocket (Um, Lean, low fat chicken) that due to my processed food intake, this was why I was , "well, like, um, you are recovering from cancer". And she goes to a tanning booth! Such bull...

Hah! I found where Sass went!

I was just thinking about what you wrote MEG... Don't pay any more attention to any of the "family" that says stupid things to you! I don't care if it is immediate family or in-laws.... all the same.

Either they embrace us or they don't.... They are only into their own selfish lives, and if you don't go along with their every whim, then they will chastise you for it.

I know all about alcoholics.... raised around it, both my Dad, my Grandpa, and then my FIL... And DH gave it his best shot until I finally "broke" and ran away..... Came back 5 times.... and this is now 14 years later.

I never believed alcoholism is a disease... because if they would just QUIT, then it would be over! It isn't like a "disease" like WE have/had... not like cancer, or any of the other horrific diseases people live with, that WON'T just "go away"..... Alcoholics are "sober" until their next drink.... It is tearing apart more families than any other man-made "disease" in the world. It's a "habit"..... like smoking..... I quit smoking, because it was hurting me.....

For them to say ANYthing to you about being selfish is just down-right absurd! You should be proud, young lady! Proud for all you've been through...(alone) and raised 2 boys, lived an honorable life, doing it all on your own.

You don't NEED negative people in your life.... I don't care WHO they are!

Shame on them for even trampling on your standards and life! YOU are an honorable person.... Walk proud!

Hi 7of9.... you doing okay? Just hang in there.... People make a lot of mistakes with us.... even our Doctors....

And April..... It just makes you mad when people go beyond your trust.... My SIL did that too.... She told "our" SIL that I had breast cancer.... I wasn't even going to tell her.... But SHE blabbed.... So I get a call, with that fake crying crap, about "are you going to die?" I MEAN! I said that's exactly why I didn't call you Carol, (you lame half-assed brainless fool!) I assured her that I was going to have surgery..... blah-blah..... It's now over 6 years later..... still do not talk to HER, nor the other one!

DH has an okay relationship with his Brother, but I don't have to go out of my way to talk to either of those untrustworthy women.

Morning egg-roll..... Yes, My Mom went to Alanon for YEARS.... And spent the rest of the time crying and trying to "fix" Dad.... SOMEtimes they make it.... Mom always said she'd rather have him part of the time than not at all. So she stayed.

Sorry..... at my age you can't help but be cynical... You gals take good care.....

Thanks!

Ladies, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on my post. Much appreciated, I do understand the depths of despair that alcohol can create for humans; children of alcoholics, spouses, parents, siblings, etc..and do have compassion for anyone facing the devastation it creates in families and relationships.

The whole of the experience was just so frustrating; being made to feel like I had somehow failed my family when I've always gone out of my way to do the exact opposite and then to be given these labels of selfish or marginalizing suffering or lacking compassion just seemed so odd especially after having gone through my own cancer war.

It helps to hear the insight from your own experience in dealing with this - I do wish her the very best and hope against all odds that there is no relapse for the sake of my brother and their 3 sons. My hope is that this is behind us; I did not back down at all when these accusations were thrown about. I defended myself with all my might and I do feel at one point during the discussion there was some realization that perhaps there was some over-reaction on their part. I went from being sad about the situation to angry at how and why it all played out, it seems some good old communication early on from either my brother or SIL could have avoided the entire situation...alas emotions run high when families are dealing with trauma.

It definitely helps to vent and share with the people who understand the most. I find strength among you BC warriors, for all our faults and short-comings we are unbreakable. Thanks for allowing me to share in your strength. May you all have peace and calm in the New Year.

Sandilee, your husband shouldn't have said anything to you and can help by sending a card himself. Like you say you are dealing with stage 4 cancer and your mother

I posted on a thread I started: I am not a Villan nor an Adversary: Here goes: I decided to place it here to express my feelings for the surgeons with no feelings:northern, NJJoined: Nov 2009Posts: 765

ronqt1 wrote:

Hi having been on the boards on and off for about 6 years and unfortunately still dealing with issues dealing with scar tissue after mast I have stayed with one PS who has worked with me the entire way. Unfortunately he recommends I take out the implant to give myself a rest and relief, not sure of what will happen. To make a long story short, I called another more current microsurgical skilled dr. who shares space, not a partner with him. I had a tentative appt. First, his office calls and reschedules. I did not like the way the staff person spoke to me. I worked for attys most of my life and my skill and dodging calls and excuses are par. Anyway, my appointment for this dr. was reset for Jan. 6. A few days ago at 6:20 in the evening my cell phone rang and me completely unprepared and unrelaxed answered to a maniac on the other end are you so and so who called me a few years ago. I said no. Well, I spoke to your dr. and I understand you are end of the road with your situation, and you are on Medicare. How do you think that I can get rid of the pain you have. I said with your microsurgical skills, something new perhaps. He said Medicare does not cover microsurgery because they deem it unnecessary. How did this idiot know I might had have the cash to cover it. Anyway continues what do you want from me. All I said was your practice is all about a women's appearance. I continued with all I wanted was for you to examine me and to see if anything was wrong but never mind I won't bother you AND HE slammed THE PHONE down. I am a patient with a problem,not a criminal, not a villan nor an adversary. Apparently my present dr. told him about my case him my problems with the implant.

These doctors are not there for us with, only when it goes their way, if there is a problem, they deny it, make like we are crazy. Again, the best kept secret of the breast cancer world. I cried all night, called my dr's office the next day but my PS is on vacation. I had no other appts with my PS except to remove the implant which he knew I am desparately trying to keep. POS all of them. MONEY IS THE OPERATIVE WORD. I have been at this game too long. I did not ask for cancer, I worked all my life, taking care of a now sick husband. Again, money is the operative word.

Thanks for listening. PS when I started on the journey I had a PPO great insurance and two years ago went on Medicare.

As an update as of today I called another group, JUST waiting if he gets intercepted by any doctors or if there is a warrant for my arrest going around the drs. for not healing well. This morning I was so upset with this and other stuff that I took the molding off the garage when I tried to pull car out so I could see therapist. OY>

Dx 10/9/2009, IDC, <1cm, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-Hormonal Therapy 10/30/2009 Femara (letrozole)Surgery 10/30/2009 Lymph node removal: Right, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Right; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placementSurgery 3/10/2010 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 8/2/2011 Reconstruction (right): Nipple reconstructionSurgery 10/3/2012 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 12/1/2012 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 2/25/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 7/15/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 11/20/2013 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 6/13/2014 Reconstruction (right)Surgery 9/10/2014 Reconstruction (right): Latissimus dorsi flap

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Sandilee ~ that just stinks. I just don't get how people can get so stuffy about something as minor as a Bday card. At some point these people have to grow up and play adult and realize that they won't always get that card or attendance to a party or whatever they are looking for to be validated. What crap, you have way too much going on, kudos to you for getting out those Christmas gifts! That takes major energy given what you have to deal with and do in addition. Does this women even have any comprehension of what you are dealing with!! And she's complaining about a card, for f's sake get a life people. I don't know how we get people to understand without breaking something over their head's and pouring the information in so it sticks. Shame on her for lack of support for you.

Rongt.... Are you locked up yet? I can't beLIEVE ANYone would talk to another person with so much hatred like that! They should be reported and then shot at sunrise... or immediately!

That whole TEAM is acting like a bunch of little-girls in a school yard, trying to bully another girl! There is just never no excuse to that kind of behavior !!!! He should be reported to the medical board... or just shot... But then you would have no-where to go, without thinking He is somehow in the picture.... and hounding you forever. You COULD post reviews of him online!

He is no better than this "supervisor" I had one time... I "disobeyed a direct order".... See, another friend had given me some of his Mexican recipe's to copy for myself. So while there was NO customer around ANYwhere, I copied one at a time. Supervisor Dhead walks in and sees this. He said "Put those away, and don't do it while you are working!" EXCLAMATION point! So then I put them in the drawer, and pretty soon I said to myself," Oh why the hell NOT."... I started copying again...... but I didn't KNOW he was spying on me, by looking down from a balcony.

He called me upstairs!!! OH MY GOD I WAS IN SUCH DEEP CHIT! He had my files out, he ranted and raved, and said I could fire you right this minute, and he RANTED and after about 15 minutes I was just sobbing!!! I promised my 3rd born that I would never ever DO such a dastardly thing again... and I left his office, beaten and bewildered....

I told another supervisor that I was quitting... I wanted to transfer to another department... I was just SICK that someone would treat me like that. I didn't get that much punishment when I was a little girl!

They transferred HIM out of that department! HAH! That B-tard! So I didn't have to shoot him after all.

YOU are fighting for yourself... You need help, and are only trying to find someone who will listen, and advise.... Maybe not shoot him yet.... I'm thinking things will change and you will find someone who will help you!

So just hang in there.... I understand.....

Sandilee, shame on your husband for passing on your SIL's hurt feelings! And shame on husbands everywhere who don't take their family responsibilities to acknowledge birthdays, handle gift selection and presentation and overall planning and hosting. My husband is the absolute worst and I am just going to use this forum to rant a while. I select all the gifts, wrap them all, send out all the cards, make all the phone calls, tend to the sick and needy, plan all the parties and celebrations. The only connection this dude had with his very small family was because of me. I'm exhausted after the holidays and that dude didn't lift a finger. I'm also sick of hearing people tell me that it is all my fault my husband is a slacker, that I should have put my foot down. In fact, being blamed for his terrible behavior and selfish ways makes me even more steamed.
I have two children and I am happy to report that both of them are equal partners with their spouses when it comes to family interaction.
Rant over!!! And may the younger generation do away with this kind of crap.
MsP

Ditto.... I hear you MsP.