Resuming life after treatment...

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Indyjones
Indyjones Member Posts: 5
edited January 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I recently posted about my paralyzingly fear of recurrence. I have been through chemo, surgery and radiation. I have two more herceptin treatments and a prophylactic hysterectomy, salpingo- oophorectomy and exchange set for February 15th.

Throughout the whole treatment period, I kept myself going by picturing the end of treatment and how wonderful that would be. I know I'm lucky that there is an end of treatment for me. And I feel incredibly lucky and grateful for that. And I know I'll live in fear of a recurrence forever and hope that I never have one.

So, here I am.... Life after treatment. I am uncomfortable in my new body, I feel like I cannot connect with people and I'm still hunkering down in my house. My husband works a lot.... Leaving me home alone a lot. Thankfully, I have an amazing dog who has been by my side through all of this. I worked throughout treatment and only took time off for a few days after chemo and a few weeks after the double mastectomy. I like my job and my coworkers.

I don't know if this is the regroup after the war? If I'm finally dealing with sadness? But I feel like a negative nancy or Debbie downer. I can't even remember what my life was like before this. Socializing is very hard for me because I can't concentrate. I leave the present moment and space out. I want to go out and live life, but I'm exhausted and I feel alone. And I just don't know what to do with myself. So, I sit here on the couch wondering if I'm letting my life race by and I'm not participating in it. Reminding myself that we aren't guaranteed a tomorrow. But I'm stuck, cause I don't know what to do to get going again.

How did all of you deal with life after cancer treatment

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited December 2015

    For many of us the time after treatment is very difficult, and until you experience it you don't understand. I'm still learning how to navigate all of this "new normal" stuff and some days are harder than others.

    It takes time to adjust, to feel your feelings, and to learn how to navigate life with the fear of cancer. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone.


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  • keepthefaith
    keepthefaith Member Posts: 2,156
    edited December 2015

    I felt the same way up until about 18 months after DX, It is hard to grasp the reality of it all once you've finally come to the other side. I think sometimes we worry about others' expectations of us, as well as our own. Should we be climbing a mountain, sky-diving...? I was anxious to get back to "normal" and it seems like it took a while. But, the dark cloud has finally lifted and I am feeling motivated to do some things rather than just sit on the sidelines. I guess everyone has to go through it in their own time. I know that I am never going to be the same. I will probably never be one to consider my DX a "blessing", but it has helped me have a different perspective on so many things. Hang in there, be patient, seek counseling if you need to. It's something few of us are told about and I think it comes as a surprise to many. I journaled through treatment and that helped a lot. I look back on my last 2 yrs and am proud to say that my kids say I handled it so well. Who knew? As tangandchris said, you are not alone!((HUGS))

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  • mustlovepoodles
    mustlovepoodles Member Posts: 2,825
    edited December 2015

    I think your feelings are pretty common to anyone who has undergone a difficult experience. The fact that you seem to be paralyzed by it tells me that it's gone beyond bothersome. I wouldn't be surprised if you have post-traumatic stress disorder, very common to people who undergo terrible or life-threatening situations. You may want to speak to a psychiatrist about your feelings. They are experts in ferreting out feelings and disorders. It could be that some medication would help you cope, too, and they would be able to help you with that.

    I suffered PTSD about 4 years ago when we were in a terrible wreck. Flipped our SUV 3 times while towing a trailer. We were lucky to be alive. The wreckage was horrible and we shouldn't have all survived. At first I was okay but it didn't take long for me to start having problems. At first it was only when I drove on the interstate, or passed under a bridge. But it didn't take long to start up when I turned the key in the ignition. I had constant flashbacks and it was hard for me to drive. 18-wheelers utterly terrified me. Seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor helped me a lot.

    I still suffer flashbacks, especially when driving on the interstate, going under a bridge, or being passed by an 18-wheeler. Although we replaced our trailer right after our wreck, we finally had to just park it a 18 months ago. I just couldn't take the stress towing induced. We still camp, but I will never be able to tow again. No amount of talking in the world is going to make those images go away.

    I still take medication and it's honestly the only reason that I'm coping as well with this BC experience. I have a long-standing problem with insomnia, so it's nice that some of my meds have the side effect of making me sleepy. I take them at night before I go to bed and I'm off to la-la land for 8 hours.

    I hope you can get some relief from your anxiety. In this day and age, there is no reason to just put up with it. Certainly, it could go away on its own...eventually. But maybe not. Just know that there is help for you out there and the sooner you seek it out, the more functional you will feel. Honest.

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  • Indyjones
    Indyjones Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2015

    thank you for taking the time to reply.

    I think the surgeon said it best.... She said it is okay to have fear about recurrence, but you shouldn't wait for something to happen.

    I am definitely a lot more tired than I think I should be. Winter never helps with fatigue either.

    I will most likely meet up with the oncology social worker.

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  • Indyjones
    Indyjones Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2015

    mustlovepoodles your experience sounds terrifying. Thank you for sharing such a private, emotional story with me.

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  • mustlovepoodles
    mustlovepoodles Member Posts: 2,825
    edited December 2015

    It was utterly terrfying, but the 5 of us miraculously walked away with cuts, bruises, whiplash, and concussions. Nobody died and nobody was airlifted. I am hyperalert when i drive and i hope i never roll a car again!

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  • Nurseworks
    Nurseworks Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2016

    Hi everyone! I am finding that I am going through the same fears and anxieties as you all are. I've had a lumpectomy and radiation and have now been on Tamoxifen since Oct 30/2015. I needed to change the antidepressant medication I had been using because of interactions with the Tamoxifen. Had to switch to one I had taken before and it is not as effective. I cry at a drop of a hat, have no interest or energy. I am forcing myself to go to the gym at least 2-3 times a week like before my Dx. Have had to take extended leave from work too. Starting support group sessions in Feb

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2016

    Nurse works, welcome to our community. We hope that our community, along with your support sessions that will be starting, will help provide you some additional strength. Do you feel that your new medications have kicked in yet? We're all here for you!


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  • Nurseworks
    Nurseworks Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2016

    Thanks for the welcome to the community.

    I have little confidence the change in the antidepressant is going to help me. It is the same medication I had previously taken and requested my GP to change as I felt it wasn't helping my mood very much at the time. Unfortunately that medication (Effexor) is the best choice to use now as it has the least amount of interactions with Tamoxifen. This change compounded with the side effects of Tamoxifen, the anxiety regarding recurrence is just not conducive to finding balance in my life again and moving forward. I am seeing my radiation oncologist tomorrow. There are some nagging questions I need answers to in regards to how much influence the findings of "comedo necrosis" in final pathology report will have on my risk of recurrence. I have read a lot of information on line about this feature and it is all so unclear. Hope he can set my mind at ease somewhat. Does anyone else share this concern and have any wisdom to offer?

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