Starting Chemo March 2015

Ha! Eileen, I have several methods of destruction planned for mine if they let me keep them! Even the thought makes me laugh. Hope you aren't hurting too bad tonight. I'm right behind you.

AV, to quote you, I hope that no further treatments are needed and that your appt tomorrow is a huge nothingburger.

Karen, you are still in my pocket. Eagerly waiting with you.....

Sharon, that baby of yours is TOO MUCH. Oh, I want to just GOBBLE him UP! I love that little face. I need more furbaby pics from everyone!

here are a couple of baby hamsters only two weeks old, and too cute

my dog Helen and her impression of the abominable snowman

My tortoise enjoying a nice salad

2 years ago my DH donated a kidney to his nephew and they had to cut about 1 inch of a rib in order to get the kidney out. We made an ornament out of the rib

Sloth - awesome pics! What's with the tortoise? Surely it's not a real 100-yr old tortoise.....

Bekah my cat is on a diet too and it's been miserable! He was so overweight he couldn't even clean his nether parts. And he's getting older so I worry about diabetes and such. I have tried to put him on a diet before and he gets so pissed off he tries to trip me down the basement stairs! I've always given up for my own safety and sanity. This time I took him off dry food completely and switched him to canned and a dehydrated raw food. Now that he's been on that he's lost weight and looks so much better.

Can't sleep. Yesterday was extremely emotional & of course y'all are the ones who might "get it". First I almost burst into tears getting my IV - chemo flashbacks. Then after being home for a few hours I took a good look at my chest. I nearly lost it. I guess I was so focused on getting that fucking TE out and getting the implant that even though clearly I knew it was surgery & surgery isn't pretty that I didn't fully realize I wasn't going to wake up w a pretty breast. When I saw this swollen bruised not breasty looking thing I started crying. I was convinced she did it wrong, etc. Alan & my BIL Dave talked me off the ledge. Lasted a bit. I was trying to explain to them what an emotional day it had been but they don't/can't understand that part. Alan took me into my room to the mirror and said - let's look at this & logic-ed me through why it was what it was. I really though wanted them to understand my terror. All I could think is that I was going to need more surgery & that this will never be over. And I have a drain. PS said they rarely put in drains w/ the exchange so I wasn't expecting that.

My kitty is laying next to me purring. Very soothing.

Linda, thanks for all the great pics.

Thank you for the warning, Eileen. I'm sure I'd be a sobbing heap tonight if I hadn't read that. Are you lopsided from the swelling right now, or are you seeing rippling, etc? Also, what is your pain level? Anything like the mx? Hope you're doing better this morning.

Linda, your line of work is incredible. Animal rescue is one of the hardest jobs in the world in my opinion. We work with a local dog/cat rescue sometimes, but I'm a foster failure. I always get painfully attached and either can't let them go or bawl for days. Thanks for the great pics!

Karen, you're on my mind!!!!

Please send love to my dear cousin, Annie, today. She has made the bold and courageous decision to get a bmx since she is BRCA2 positive. She's 38. I'm dropping by to see her in pre-op before we head to a different hospital for my own fun times.

Lee, I hope all goes well and that you have relief from your pain. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Eileen, it will look better in time. I can pm you a picture of my completed reconstruction if you'd like. It looks good.

Sloth, thanks for the pictures.

I am at work this morning, then go in for biopsy, and then I work again tonight. Hopefully I'll stay distracted until getting results tomorrow. Glad today is here.

I love those animal pictures! Those hamsters…..OMG!!

Karen, I'm I your pocket too, seriously saying "let it be okay, let it be okay." Will be anxiously waiting on the results with you!

Eileen, sometimes men don't get it. They want to fix the problem and we need to cry and grieve and do what women do. You will get past this, fuck cancer, fuck this shit, fuckity fuckity fuck. You will come out on the other side and your crown might be a little banged up and tarnished, but it will still be there! If I were with you I would cry with you, get it all out, you get mad, scream, cry, whatever it takes.

Allison, I feel for you. I tried for several years with my niece, she is ADD, and she finally ended up running away when she was 17, we tried everything with her, horseback riding, therapy, you name it. I have no words of wisdom, but to say I'm proud of you for persevering, handling the shit sandwich you have been handed on top of everything else. I pay attention, and I know you have been working hard to stay focused, exercise, keep yourself on track and hold everything together. I think women sometimes are the strong ones, and men walk around in a dazed fog, trying to pretend everything away. I am completely sure you are the glue that holds your family together, hang in there sister!

Below is not my kitty picture, but I posted it on Facebook for Katy.

Hugs to all having a hard time right now

Thanks T! I told Alan this morning about posting on here in the middle of the night & how by like 6am you had rallied around me & I felt so relieved. And you you ladies are the only thing good to come from cancer.

I love you guys

E- I'm sorry I wasn't "here", but I've been thinking about you, wishing you peace, and a good final outcome. I hope the days now start to get better and you never look back.

Lee- thinking of you too. I hope you feel some immediate relief.

Allison- I wish I had words of wisdom. I also recognize that you have done everything to keep yourself upright, for yourself and your family. I'm sorry your husband isn't able to step up. It must be so isolating. But we do get it, and are here for you. Sometimes I think you just gave to "hang on" and hope some stuff just resolves. Especially when you just can't do any more. Have tried everything. You have. Try to breathe.

Karen- I agree, don't bother about a few extra pounds. It's just us in your pocket, going everywhere you do today. Every hour down you will be closer to answers, and relief from this awful anxiety. You are a true hero, bravely facing the monster, and still finding the love and courage to support your sisters. We all love you.

SpecialK- glad you are doing ok post op and just had to say, what a beautiful kitten!

Sloth- loved all your pics as well. What you do is awesome. You have an amazing heart to be able to do what you do.

I have cataract pre op today, in fact something medical every day this week. How did that happen?

Hugs to all

You are so right, Katy. I know this part of life will pass. Just sometimes the day to day really gets to me.

I have lots of medical appointment coming up in the next couple of weeks. It was because my deductible was met. lol. I am sure lots of people do the same thing. What day is the first one again? I know you had them on separate days. I know you are going to be glad you did it. I know it's not the same but I was terrified to have my Lasik but I was seeing better right after wards.

Thanks, Bekah. I just spent almost 2 hours in her IEP meeting. They took her off the IEP which I knew they would. I have been told by many people not to let them do that but they basically said I had no choice.