Start the treatment already!!!!!

You said it! Wait for an ultrasound, wait for biopsy results, wait for BRCA results, wait for surgery, wait for more pathology results, wait for oncotype test, wait to start whatever treatment is recommended, and at some point wait for more pathology results...it just goes on and on. When I explain the process to other people, they are shocked at how drawn out this is. Somebody said this is a marathon, and they weren't kidding!

Amen sisters! Before this happened to me, I would never have guessed how drawn out this could be. Am trying to be patient, but the waiting feels excrutiating. I was diagnosed with LCIS in early August, breast cancer in mid September, and am now waiting for Oncotype results now. While am so grateful for good care, just feel suspended and uncertain and droopy and angry, by turns. Want to be in mood for the holidays, but it's hard. Hoping there are aspects of this situation that will help me develop new emotional awareness and skills...but do I really want these...Cookies sound better! Piles of them don't fit into my breast-cancer eating plan...Might have to suspend the plan until January 2 LOL!

So many times a day I think, "I just want to be past this. I want to be looking back at this from 'all finished.' Yet I know that there is something very valuable about TODAY, and its circumstances and relationships and new learning. Don't want to miss these things....just wish I could have them without so much fear and ruminating and consciousness of vulnerability.

Guess I'll have to make my annual (wonderful) fruitcake this weekend, and add a little extra bourbon!

Exercise: You've been through a lot already...My thoughts and hugs are with you. Keep up good work, and know that people here are thinking of you. Are you substantially recovered from mastectomy?

Thanks so much for your reply. I feel so upset today...had huge meltdown this morning before work. Though particulars of my situation are comparatively favorable, the uncertainty is so hard. I see you have mutation...Part of my waiting was for a multi-panel gene test due to lots of BC and other cancer in family. Test was negative -- for which I am so grateful. But still struggling with feeling threatened and scared (I had a husband who died of a brain tumor after a long struggle, and now have a brother-in-law being monitored for melanoma after discovery of an unknown primary tumor). My 66-year-old step mother was also recently diagnosed with BC. And my vision is impaired now due to a cataract, and I'm only 53 and too young for this! I think the fix for that is not too bad, thank goodness. It has just felt like a scary time...like painful things happening in "clumps." Guess it's natural to have some down days when dx fairly new, and before main part of treatment underway.

Am learning, through this process so far, what a huge ruminator I am. Even when I get good news, I have a hard time enjoying it, as my anxiety level is high. So it's easy to beat myself up for this, too. "Why can't I just be grateful," etc. etc. My inner Charlie Brown is a little out of control right now LOL.

Trying to tell myself that any normal person would feel upset in this situation; that tears are a healthy release of tension and emotional energy; and that this mood is going to pass. It's not permanent. It just feels bad today.

Thanks again, Exercise, and will be thinking of you.

Dear Brimton,

Welcome to the BCO community. We are glad that you reached out here and hope that you will find support and information from our members. Please stay connected here and keep us posted. The Mods

Brim: I sometimes feel this way, too...How could this have happened? I am healthier and more fit than I ever have been. Whattheheck? My radiation oncologist told me that BC rates are higher-than-average in my county in my state. She mentioned Radon as a possible cause, but I know nothing about this. Even more exercise and fruits and veggies for me!

BRCApos, I'm sorry treatment rough. Hang in there. Thinking of you.