So scared

In all of this, my initial gut instinct had been 3 for 3...... in 2013, I was sure a lump was cancer and it was. In 2014, I thought a new lump was not cancer, but feared it might hide cancer that could come up later. It wasn't and it did. In Jan 2015, I thought it was cancer and it was. My first gut instinct with this lump was scar tissue. So far, it looks like I am 4 for 4. BS said the lump felt like scar tissue. He offered 3 options: 1. Watchful waiting (he did not recommend), 2. ultrasound (not invasive, but would show us pretty clearly what, if anything, is in there), 3. surgical biopsy (probably over aggressive, but would definitively tell us). I chose ultrasound because surgery on such recently radiated skin may not heal well. They got me in right away in the afternoon. The ultrasound did show the lump/mass which was a little disconcerting. Somehow, I was hoping it would simply show nothing there, and I could go on my merry way. The radiologist was confident that the mass was scar tissue because though there is blood flow around it, there's none to its core. (I think I got white when she said that though because when they removed my lump in January, the surgeon said it's definitely scar tissue. It looks like it, feels like it, and had no vessels feeding it; it's just a lump sitting between the muscle and the skin.) The radiologist then said that based on the fact that my second tumor (in February) was missed both on ultrasound and MRI and the other one did not look like typical cancer to the surgeon, it would be fine to do an ultrasound guided needle biopsy to just be 100% sure that something is not presenting oddly again. She's pretty certain it isn't and I am pretty certain that my initial gut reaction is 4 for 4, but I am very glad that I'll know 100% next week and will hopefully be able to begin 2016 with all of this behind me. Ultrasound biopsy is Tuesday. I am no longer stressed or worried (though I might be Tuesday night). It felt good to sleep last night.

Thanks ladies!

Wrenn, you're right; I can't seem to catch a break. I sure hope all comes back benign this time or it'll be a whole different story as far as my future. I'm pretty stressed. How are you doing???

Thanks Wrenn. I am sooo not normally an anxious person by nature, and I usually just brush things off and push forward with whatever I'm dealt, but this time that's very hard. It's been so many weeks of uncertainty, and knowing that if it's back again, it's likely elsewhere is really hard to deal with, especially having my 3 kids. I just want to live long enough to see them all graduate. Anything beyond that will be icing on the cake at this point.

The biopsy took much longer than I expected; just because they did the whole thing (core biopsy) where they make a tiny incision, put the catheter in, etc. I thought it would be poke it and go home. I was there 90 minutes. She said she got 2 good chunks, so she should have plenty. She did not make any predictions (and I did not ask for any), and just said she'd pray for good results. That was a little disconcerting, but I am guessing she says that to everyone. I should have the results tomorrow, unless they have to do additional staining; then it would be Thursday. Now the real waiting begins.

Finally got a call late this morning. Radiation fibrosis and scarring. I am not excited that fibrosis has started so soon, but it sure beats the alternative!

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!