Starting chemo September 2014

Hi Poppy! So happy to "see you"! Glad to hear your boys are all doing well, even if the oldest had to do things the hard way. He will be ok! My oldest did that, and he is such a good, responsible and lovely man today!

Nomatter, did you stay up past your bedtime last night to watch all 14 innings? That was crazy!

Ladies, pop the corks, and get to drinking on my behalf. Thanks to my meds, I can only have one drink, and this is a ten drink situation! Emmett's counselor has suggested more family time for us, so I am trying very hard to set all my emotions aside and be pleasant to he who shall not be named. He is coming for dinner tomorrow, and to help carve the 3 huge pumpkins that I bought for Little E. (Compensating for last year much? LOL!) So I get to spend several hours with him tomorrow, and then again on Saturday for trick or treating. I am doing it for E, but man, it hurts. I never knew it was possible to love somebody so much and hate him so much at the same time. I may have an Ativan appetizer before dinner!

I keep thinking back to something that I was told when I was first diagnosed. "You will never be the same." I had no idea what that entailed. I think that is what I am struggling with the most. I hate being sick, in pain, tired, stuck on stupid thanks to chemo brain. I hate my hair, I hate my new boobs. I hate my fat ass and my jiggly belly. I hate feeling like my whole freaking life revolves around medical stuff. I used to be so busy and productive, and FUN! Now I feel like such a bummer to be around, and my friends just really don't get it. Everybody thinks that when you are DONE, you just go back to being you. The reality is that no matter what your prognosis is, you are never really done. F^#$(*g cancer sucks! Just venting, so I can smile sweetly at all the people who don't get it, instead of punching them in the throat! My therapist says I need to find my support where I can. and ya'll are my people!

Love you all!

Oh wow, what a game that was!!!!!  I am to damn old to stay up until 1 am and then get up at 7:15 and go to work.  I think about half the city was either late for work or just didn't go in that day.  Yes, I was late by about 10 minutes. 

I can't believe he who shall not be named is hanging around again.  He needs to get a life, and not interfere with yours, BHD. What is Little E going to be this Halloween? 

I get my furry grandchild this weekend, so I will be home for Halloween.  Again, I am to old to be out late at night at some party.  And then, OH I AM SO EXCITED.....my husband is flying to Austin with our son for a race and will be gone for 5, yes 5 days.  YEE-HAW!!!!!!!!  Me, myself and I will be home together.  I get to hold the remote, come home when I want to come home and don't have to share the covers!!!!! 

Love the idea of a fancy new hip! Maybe I should ask for one with bling. Teehee! Not!!!! Just one that works,without pain would be wonderful. I keep reminding myself to be grateful to live in a country where we have access to such great medical care. Love, Jean

NMW, I don't care much about superheroine staus. Just to walk without pain and get a good nights sleep would be wonderful. Funny the things you don't appreciate till you lose them.

BHD, if he loses his head during pumpkin carving you could replace it and make him a relapse pumpkinhead! Teehee! Love, Jean

Hi Everyone!

Badhair, Congrats on letting "he who shall not be named" go away unharmed. I just love your Little E! Did the counselor explain why more family time is suggested? Some times it can help give stability to the kiddo; at other times it can give false hope. I'm sure the counselor has a good reason, but it sure would be easier to support E if you knew what the time together was supposed to accomplish. (It just occurred to me that they may have told you the reasoning, but chemo brain stinks.)

I hate the flabby body, exhaustion....everything. Nothing is normal. Heck, I can't even get up from the couch without hobbling around.

Hi Jean! Bionic Woman!

Nomatter, Enjoy your me time. You deserve it!

Here is my middle child ready for a Halloween party. (My littlest guy was boy scout camping).

Nomatter, where are you? Out partying to celebrate your Royals? LOL!

Poppy, your son is adorable! Love the costume!

I am meeting with Little E's counselor on Weds and plan to ask her what the point of this is. I want him to feel secure and happy, but I don't want to give him false hope. As long as he who shall not be named refuses counseling, the situation is hopeless! Plus, I am on the verge of choking him to death, and I am way too pretty to go to prison!

E missed school today, and PSR, thanks to his overdosing on chocolate yesterday. When I asked his dad where he was while our child was eating his body weight in candy, he admitted he was napping. Parenting, you're doing it wrong, dummy!

Jean, you are such an inspiration to me! 73 years young! Like a '57 Chevy,you are a classic!

Nomatter, are they thinking of going to the Daytona 500? I love Nascar! I would jump on that trip in a minute!

I finally had to resort to Zofran to stop Little E's vomiting! I am seriously LIVID! He is going to miss another day of school tomorrow due to something that was 100% preventable! He learned a hard lesson about over serving himself! I am sitting on my hands to keep from texting he who shall not be named and pointing out what a freaking moron he is! Not that he would care anyway. Grrrr!

Toby, check in when you can. Hope you are managing SEs well and taking good care of yourself. Thinking of you, and praying, as always!

My son is wearing a whale around his waist and black clothing. He changed the gym style shorts for plain black ones, but wouldn't let me take another picture of him. The little turkey! He is a very nice kid!

Thanks for the complement regarding my entryway/staircase. This house is a big old fixer-upper! When we bought the house, I imagined watching my daughter walk down the stairs in her wedding gown... or at least prom dress. NOPE.... not going to happen. We have 3 sons, no daughters.

Nomatter, Hope you get plans worked out to see your family. Our family spent 3 weeks in NC visiting with my Dad, his wife and my two brothers. It was fantastic!

Badhairday, Hope E starts feeling better! Poor kiddo. Will he who shall not be named appear for a counseling session with you and E? My son's therapist would have all three of us in once in a while. It helped keep us all on the same page. If not, maybe he would at least talk to the therapist on the phone? We received so much info to give our son the support and help he needed, in the way he needed it.

Toby, I hope today is a good day!

You all just bring a huge smile to my face!

Wow! That is amazing!

Poppy, my aunt had three boys and always longed for a daughter. They are all grown up and married now, and she has the best relationships with her DILs! She also has a grand daughter that she spoils rotten, making up for all those years she couldn't do the girly things. Your day will come!

Nomatter, that pic is amazing! I can't even imagine!

Toby, sounds like a typical chemo weekend. I hope your counts come up quickly so that you can resume your treatment.

Saw my onc yesterday, and my liver is a mess. I didn't even catch all of it, because I felt blindsided, but there are counts that should be 50-60, and mine are over 600 and 700. They think it could be the Mobic that the rheumatologist prescribed for pain, so I am not allowed to take that. I can't take ibuprofen or tylenol either, not that they did anything anyway. It was a rough night of pain and I woke up with a terrible headache. Waiting for the rheum office to call me and let me know what to do. I just can't seem to get my body to behave. Every time I think I have solved one issue, something else goes wrong. So depressing.

Little E has now missed 4 days of school thanks to Candypalooza! Biting off the end of my tongue! I did convince him to trade me his whole bag of candy for a new Nerf gun, so at least I don't have to worry about a repeat performance. He is struggling with so many things, and I am struggling to work with he who shall not be named to deal with it, and it is so much harder than I want it to be.

Ladies, I am freaking out and need somebody to pull me back from the ledge! My liver is still a mess. After a week of no meds, it did not rebound the way my MO thought it would. The numbers are even more elevated. Waiting for them to schedule a cat scan and ultrasound. I am a nervous wreck! I have been on the brink of tears all day. I am in so much pain and can't take anything to help. I haven't slept well in days due to the leg and hip pain. Now my hands are acting up, and my shoulders are killing me. Everything seems so much bigger when I'm in pain and crabby from lack of sleep. Please send some prayers my way. I am terrified right now.

Take a breath, woman!!!!!!  It may be that your body is adjusting to you not taking your medications and is letting you know about it.  After what you have been through, you can handle anything else the doctors throw at you.  You know waiting is the worst part of it all and we all have been there/done that.  I hope the doctors don't wait to long.  I don't do a lot of praying, but for the last 14 months I think I have said about every kind of prayer there is.  So I will say one for you and you, my friend, think happy thoughts, happy, happy thoughts!!!!!  Give Little E and that rodent pet of yours lots of kisses and lots of hugs.  You will be fine. 

Just to try to take your mind off you.....my husband and I went Christmas shopping today.  I got about half of my shopping done.  Yay for me!!!!!!  And to make matters better, my neighbor had a little girl on October 28th and she already has her Christmas tree up and presents under it.  That baby is just precious and so, so little.  I want one (not me, but a grandchild). 

Well ladies I finally got to see a hip surgeon and it turns out the surgery is more complicated than I thought. I managed with much prayer and whining to get an appointment to see the surgeon who specializes in this surgery on December 10th. They said if an opening comes sooner they will let me know. I have probable hip joint necrosis and need to be careful I don't break my hip. In a lot of pain and just muddling through till I can get a hip replacement. Grateful for your prayers and support. Love, Jean

This whole journey for me has been a course in How To Lean On God 101! The hip surgery experience may be part 2. All my spirit has been hearing is "Trust Me Jean, I've got this." Love, Jean

I almost forgot......

My bestest buddy in the world is donating 10 inches of her hair to Pantene to be made into a wig for a breast cancer patient.  She is dedicating this wig to me.  There are just not enough words to thank her for what she is doing.  Whoever gets this wig will be very lucky and probably very cute with blond/red hair.