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Cheesequake
Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
edited October 2015 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I love the stupid comments thread - we all deal with 'em. I also like highlighting, at least for myself, when people say things that are wonderful. So I thought I'd start a thread for those! Everyone is different, and things that someone might consider nice, others might consider stupid, and vice versa - I think that's pretty interesting. Sometimes it's clearly one or the other, but sometimes it's up to the receiver of the comment. So here's my latest nice comments:

Some friends know I'm giving cold caps a shot to keep my hair (and cold mittens/slippers for neuropathy and nails). So when asked how I was feeling, I mentioned to a couple folks that I'm doing great, but that if my hair is gonna start falling out, it'll happen any day now. One friend said "you're beautiful now, and you'll be beautiful even if it does fall out." I'm fairly certain that won't be the case, but I like the implication that it doesn't matter.

A male friend is dating a good female friend of mine. He said he thinks of me often and constantly asks her how I'm doing. He very sincerely said to call on him any time if there was anything he could do to help. I told him I don't need any help at this point but that when he thinks of me, to text or call and let me know - that just knowing would make me very happy. So now I'm getting regular texts :)

The female friend mentioned above also randomly texts me really bad one liner jokes, which in itself is pretty fun!

So let's hear the nice things people say (or do) that help you get through this!

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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited August 2015

    My friend Cheryl that I road bike with does the same thing. She just sent me a pic that turned "exercise" into "eggs are sides for bacon" lol.

    Also, a guy we rode bikes with Wednesday, after our ride, said you are strong and tough and courageous, and it is so amazing what you are out here doing. Now that's the kind of comment I like.


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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited August 2015

    Thank you, Cheesequake, for starting this thread. One of the kindest "comments" I've heard in the last year was the applause I received from my students the day I stopped wearing my wig. My hair was growing back, and I was struggling to hide it under my wig. Finally, I just went to work (university) without my wig. My students didn't know what to think; this woman who had long hair now had very short hair. Some thought I was a substitute! Shaken, I blurted out that I was tired of wearing my cancer wig and just wanted to go back to my real hair. After those words sunk in, the whole class applauded. I thought I was going to cry. But, I made it through class, and it wasn't an issue for the rest of the year.

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  • mye
    mye Member Posts: 130
    edited August 2015

    Yes, thanks! I like that we have both the stupid things and nice things people say threads. Elaine, your story is so touching :-) and Italychick, that's hilarious. There's nothing wrong with trying to cheer a friend up and letting them know that they are on one's mind, sometimes it's all it takes

    Two of the nicest things that have been said to me came from my 6 year old (then 5). I wasn't sure how he would react about me losing my hair, if he would be embarrassed or shocked... All I knew was that he was curious and kept asking when I was going to show him. (I didn't show him for a little while because I was waiting for it thin out before shaving but didn't want him to see me with all kinds of bald spots.) So when I finally took off my beanie to show him one day, he wanted to take a good close look and said "COOL!" Yay, I was happy. The other nice thing he said, was when we were walking to a restaurant one day, it was a hot day and I was debating if I should go bald in public for the first time. After a little while my son looked at me and said "mom, nobody really cares". :-)

    To be fair, I should tell you that when I told him that that chemo would make my hair all fall out, he said matter of factly "then you can't go outside". It made me LOL :-)


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  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited August 2015

    Nice thread, thanks.

    I was complaining about my skin turning different colors from radiation on top of all the other damage to my torso. My wife said that when she looks at me, what she sees is everything I've been willing to put myself through in order to stay alive with her.

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  • Cheesequake
    Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
    edited August 2015

    I love this. Thank you all for participating. This thread makes me happy :)

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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited August 2015

    I got a makeover session as a reward for participation in some study. I was bald and puffy with pale cheeks and no brows or lashes at the time. While I was getting it done my son texted me to see if he could borrow the car.

    I texted back and explained that I would be gone for a while "being made beautiful"

    His response? Shot back: Mum you are always beautiful!

    Sniff. I love that boy! xxx

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  • mye
    mye Member Posts: 130
    edited August 2015

    I wished there was a "like" button :-, that is so sweet of your son Moreenna.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited August 2015

    I am stage IV and by personality or sheer willfulness, I have little anger or resentment. Even people who say stupid or insensitive things, in my experience, generally don't say it out of malice or intent to hurt. Their lives just haven't been touched closely by bc. I could write a book about all the things I didn't know about bc when I was first dx'ed!
    The best comments I have heard, from friends, family and colleagues, are the ones where they ask me about bc and truly want to hear the answers and learn about it. For me, it demonstrates their caring. They care enough to want to understand my condition and what it means for my life as well as what it might mean for their lives in terms of their relationships with me.
    Thanks for starting this thread!
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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited August 2015

    Very cool idea Cheesquake. This is in my favs :)

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  • Juliecc
    Juliecc Member Posts: 4,868
    edited August 2015

    Nice thread! It's the little things like when my boyfriend posts on facebook, "You are my hero. So strong and beautiful." My mom also make positive compliments like that. They make me feel better when I am feeling down about my weight gain and scars.

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  • Cheesequake
    Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
    edited August 2015

    Things at my house have been somewhat contentious since I started chemo, because my husband is very against me doing it - but he acknowledges it's my decision to make. He wrote a note that says "I love you always" and taped it inside my phone case - every time I change my battery I see it and it reminds me we're in this together, even though we don't agree.

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  • Cheesequake
    Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
    edited October 2015

    This thread has languished far too long! I totally forgot to add a nice comment that I was given a couple weeks ago.

    My husband and I were checking out at my local health food store, chatting with the clerk, who looked like a hipster Keanu Reeves with his long dark hair pulled back in a man bun. I'm bald, wearing my flat cap, jeans, a ratty t-shirt from my favorite taco shop, and little makeup. I'm feeling relatively well, smiling and laughing a lot, joking with him and my husband.

    As we're wrapping up, the clerk says to me out of the blue, "I just want you to know you have a beautiful smile." He starts to mumble as if he's suddenly gotten shy. I miss a few of his words, but he ends the sentence with, "...there's always time to say something nice to someone." I'm pleasantly stunned! We left after a little more friendly conversation, but I've thought about that several times since. I'm grateful for it.

    He's right, there is always time to say something nice to someone. Just the slightest kindness from a complete stranger has a lot of power.

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  • 27heart
    27heart Member Posts: 151
    edited October 2015

    I told my 5 y/o nephew that I'm ill, and that the medicine that the doctors give me made my hair fall, and that if he's a good boy, my hair will grow back a little faster.

    He has been coming into my room almost every night to stroke and whisper to my head. Sometimes he tells my head that he wasn't a good boy, but on most nights he just asks my hair to grow faster. It's really adorable, and it made my tough nights easier.

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  • MsPharoah
    MsPharoah Member Posts: 1,034
    edited October 2015

    Great thread, Cheesequake!

    My chemo decision was made just days before my first infusion. Lots to do...chemo class, OTC meds, etc. I wanted to get my teeth cleaned before chemo, so that meant there was just one office day to do it. I hesitated to call my dental office, thinking that there would be no way to get an appointment. To my surprise, my dental hygienist gave up her lunch hour to clean my teeth and my dentist made me a fluoride tray for treatments during chemo. NO CHARGE (and lots of hugs and good wishes!)

    MsP


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