Some support would be nice, please?

Hi everyone, anyone taking the time to read this. I'm 4 months into my cancer journey, and had recently came out of a negative relationship. I've been losing grip of my emotions, and saw a psych yesterday. He thinks that I have repressed my emotions about my diagnosis, and the break up had triggered my anxiety attacks. I'm on some slow working anti-depressants now, I'm waiting for it to kick in but it'll take awhile so I'm still "on my own" for now. I'm 27, and im living with my parents. My mother has a history of anxiety too, and she's not taking my negativity very well.

I guess it is time to face my true fears, I'm very afraid of what's to come after my massactomy. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be "whole" anymore. I'm afraid that I won't find a man who would accept me for who I am. I'm afraid that I'll never get better, I'm afraid that I'll die. I'm afraid that my cancer might come back in the future. I'm afraid of future sufferings.

I'm 3 sessions into taxol, having completed 4 cycles of ac. I'm suffering from numbness on my toes and hands, and it feels like my hands are on fire. I'll talk to my onc about the neuropathy tomorrow.

I'm hoping that I could find some support here. Please tell me that everything will be fine. Please.

Hi Rose, Mrs M, & nibblersmom, thank you for empathising with me. Just wanted to let you all know that it's been a few days since I've started exploring my fears. I know I have a long way to go before I fully accept my condition and what's to come, but for now, I'm at peace for most parts of the day. Panic attacks come in waves. Perhaps my antidepressants have kicked in, though I highly doubt so, as that would be weeks.

I've come to realise how little I know about my condition and the future. So I'm doing some light research when I feel more calm. like I'm actually triple neg, but never knew what that means. Well, now I know. And I guess I'll have to learn to deal with knowing it too.

I've learnt a lot in a few days. I'm meeting my ps tomorrow for the first time to look into options. I've come to realise that how i look after surgery matters a lot to me. And if that's the case, I need to be making informed decisions. I'm also seeking God, and participating in more threads here.

I will update this thread as I go along. Thank you.

Hi everyone, thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your stories. I haven't been actively posting in this thread because I felt that there was too much negativity in my thoughts, and I did not want to indulge myself in them.

2 weeks out of my last post, I am ready to face the world with a little more courage. In the past 2 weeks, I had done a few things to save myself - antidepressants, volunteering, therapy with my shrink and a social worker at the cancer centre, light reading and informed asking about my actual prognosis (which is still a mystery! Grrr!), visited my PS to find out exactly what to expect for my bmx (I'm probably getting prophylactic mx on my non cancer boob), and praying and letting God into my life. I am still afraid of the unknown, but I am able to muster more courage to face them now.

Some tips that might help those who are in the same situation:

1. Stages of acceptance (Grieve, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Acceptance)

I realised that I was stuck in a downwards spiralling negativity - I was sad, I was Angry, I was bargaining. I avoided asking questions for fear that I would hear the worse. But I wanted to work towards acceptance, to free my mind from my sick body. So i read to understand my emotions more, and how to cope with them. Try googling, they have some good articles.

2. Self compassion

I was first introduced to this term by my social worker in our psychotherapy session. Self compassion is a concept that teaches us the need to be compassionate toward ourselves just like how we would be toward others.

A simple exercise that worked for me (in my own words):

A. When you're feeling a strong emotion, identify the part of your body that you feel a sensation. For me, I was in an anxiety attack, and I felt the same terrible coldness in my chest.

B. Gently place your palm on the area with the sensation, and close your eyes.

C. Focus, try to clear your thoughts, give a name to the root emotion you are feeling. Common emotions include anger, Grieve, sadness, jealousy, fear, heartache, pressure/stress, Happiness, etc. Just be very honest and identify the root of your emotion.

D. Take your time. When you're ready, ask yourself why you feel that way. For me, the root emotion behind my anxiety was fear, and I was fearful because I was afraid that I will not be able to find a partner in my life due to my illness. Now, we feel all sorts of emotions in each day, so you can practice this every time you need to calm yourself down.

E. Imagine someone coming to you to tell you that she has the same fear. In your compassion, what would you tell her to assure her, and what suggestions would you give her? Direct your compassion back to yourself. If thinking is hard, write things in a journal. Or talk to someone. Identifying your emotions and their causes is the first step to helping your mind.

Our bodies are sick. Too bad about it. But our minds are not. And we need to do our best to give our minds a second chance to experience this world and what's left of our lives.

I have more to share, but too much info isn't good for reading, so I'll share more as we go along. If anyone reading this has something to share from your therapy sessions, please do give your input! I'd love to find out more.