I Met a Guy

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SpunkyGirl
SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
edited September 2015 in Stage III Breast Cancer

So, it's been four years since my husband passed away, and I'm starting to feel the need to see if I want/need the hassles of a relationship in my life, or if it is even possible. I met a guy for coffee yesterday at the insistence of a mutual friend. He knew about my husbands cancer, but not about mine. While we were talking, he brought up that he had dated a gal 17 years ago who was diagnosed with breast cancer 11 years ago, it came back two years ago, and now she is gone. She married someone else six months after her diagnosis. He knew about all of this because they remained friends. Not really knowing him, I wasn't going to go there, but what a scary conversation to have!

I know we all often think about the "what ifs" and we all try to do a great job of living our lives despite the uncertainty. And, I know that we have talked a lot about dating in our situations. My hat goes off to those of you who have made it work. I'm just not sure that I have what it takes, and I'm just not the FWB type. I'm not sure what I will do if this guy calls me again, but I feel compelled to put this out there earlier than what I might have given what he knows...And, I have two teenage boys who need me more than ever. I am so thankful to be here, and to be doing well, but it's not easy, and sometimes it's a little lonely

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited September 2015

    Yes, a very scary conversation to have. I have no great wisdom to share other than to say I am sorry for the conversation and the bit of loneliness you feel. I would imagine the conversation intensified that loneliness. I am not as far out as you, but I find change of any kind makes me a bit more hesitant than I use to be. I think the post cancer trauma has left me a bit fearful of being vulnerable to anything or anyone. Thats me and may not be you...but just wanted you to know you did great even going out for coffee! My son plays college ball so I am in the stands a lot with moms....there always seems to be a story of someone's sister, mother or friend dying of breast cancer....very hard to sit there and listen!

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited September 2015

    Yes, Hopefour! I do feel more vulnerable now, and it's hard to explain that to someone who hasn't been through it. But, that's what makes us the Warriors that we are-we keep moving forward despite how we feel inside

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited September 2015

    Hi Spunky, i am sorry that this is situation is giving you pause. But to look at it another way, everyone knows someone who has died from cancer, especially BC.

    we all know BCS a flippin epidemic. so it would be virtually impossible to find someone who hasn't been touched by this horrendous disease. however, life is for the living and you my dear are alive. try to put your fears aside. If the fellow calls, tell him that you've had this experience. His response will be telling. and if not him, someone else will come into your life that will fill the void without creating additional anxiety.

    good luck dear!


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