VENTING TIME!!!

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Jinx27
Jinx27 Member Posts: 238
edited September 2015 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

HEY ALL! :)

Of the five people that I informed about my diagnosis; two being my parents and three of them very close friends for 5+ years, all five of them are reacting in very different ways. This is natural but at times VERY annoying when I have come to terms with the fact that I have cancer, Im ready to fight now :)

I find my self giving them pep talks about my cancer, Its really annoying. Its robs me of the positive energy that I have been harnessing for myself for the past week since my diagnosis. Granted I cried like a baby to my mom when I first found out. But I pulled myself out of that mood with my health providers helping me understand that this is not final, in the slightest.

I believe if I carry a positive attitude with things, then any news can be tolerated, even the worse news. I know the people I've told are trying to be positive but cant, and I'm okay with that.

Sometimes I don't answer my phone, seriously. I'm in a really great place right now to be honest, and I know that the beginning stages of finding out details like my Oncotype and other things TAKE TIME period.

I wish I would have waited until I had my surgery date and treatment planned out and then told people.

I hate getting too many phone calls unless its from my MO, Breast Surgeon or Nurse Navigator with information.

Its like having to relive the day I found out all over again.

Before I was diagnosed I was saving to get my own place and couldn't wait. Now I'm in my parents house until this subsides and perhaps treatment is over, that could 6 months to a year maybe. I hate that. Dealing with nagging is very annoying.

Most people say..

"I dont know how your doing it, I would be in a corner crying..." (Is there any comfort in that...really?)

Even my PCP said "Well if I were you, I would just get a mastectomy and that way I wont have to deal with cancer at all". (I'm thinking, your a completed idiot.)

"Are you okay" ( This one I understand, but don't ask me a million times. My mood changes just like any human.)

I regret telling people, really.

Anyone feel the same?


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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2015

    Hi Jinx,

    We're sorry you're experiencing this frustrating aspect of diagnosis -- we know dealing with people's reactions to your diagnosis can be tough.

    For sure, we've got lots and lots of members here who have experienced the same -- You'll probably appreciate this thread, where others vent about the things people say to them: Stupid Comments...

    Enjoy!

    --The Mods

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  • rainnyc
    rainnyc Member Posts: 1,289
    edited September 2015

    Jinx, it is for sure that telling people is one of the hardest parts. You might hold off telling anyone else until you have a plan in place. One of the most helpful things I learned early on was that I didn't need to tell everyone. I told close friends and family, but (for instance) the people I see a couple of times a year in social gatherings? They really don't need to know. And, unfortunately, the people in your life who were needy before your diagnosis will continue to be needy. You don't have to feel guilty about backing away from people whose responses feel hurtful to you, though telling them how you feel could also be an option. If someone who is a good friend is constantly asking if you're okay, just say something like "I'll tell you if I'm not okay, and thanks for asking." I have also found it helpful to have assignments ready for people who ask. it helps them feel good to have something to do.

    As for the nagging, you've got a stressful year ahead. Sit down with your parents and clear the air? It sounds as if your parents are there for you, which is great.

    One positive thing I will say is that sometimes the people in your life will surprise you in a good way! It takes a bit of time to see how it plays out, but I've been so grateful to a couple of people whom, prior to my diagnosis, I would not have called close friends. You never know who will step up!

    One more thing: people feel so helpless, and most do want to do the right thing. I find myself telling them that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and there will be plenty of opportunities to help along the way. It satisfies them and they calm down. Good luck to you!

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited September 2015

    Hi Jinx, sorry your here and sorry you are experiencing CHIT. You very welcome to come join us in the STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER. too. Lot's of venting happening there too. Sassy

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/833446?page=14#idx_413


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