Are BFFs or friends letting you down when you need them most?

Blessings, you have made a difference in my world just by reading what you wrote.  Thank you for putting into words how I feel.  You have really put direction in what I was so close to figuring out.  Very nice response!

Truebff - so sorry for your situation. Chin up girl...you will find peace.

yes you deserve more. It is hard but have you tried a big family meet? My stuff was much less than yours but also found folks disappearing.

then find new pals

Having a bit of a meltdown over the loss of some friends. I should be asleep, but my body thinks it's time to get up. Maybe I am just jet-lagged, but I am quite upset that another friend unfriended me on FB while I was away on vacation. She had been acting weird with me in social gatherings since my diagnosis, so I guess it was not a big surprise, but it still hurt. I never realized I could offend people just by having the misfortune to get cancer. I just posted this on my FB page, and I rarely ever post negative thoughts there:

I try to be positive, and yet a lot about cancer is dealing with loss--I think the physical losses go without saying, but then there is the lack of your surety and peace, and living with uncertainty robs you of joy. I am doing my best to find that joy again by living in the moment and not feeling guilty about living to the fullest in spite of finances and responsibilities. The worst, though, has been the loss of a number of friends. I guess they could not handle it, but one of my best friends did not show up for me at all (have known her since I was 28), and another friend here in town de-friended me after acting distant and weird around me in public since my diagnosis. What? I didn't know that contracting cancer was so offensive as to warrant that. Some friendships I walked away from because they were too toxic, and I decided they were not conducive to my health. But these losses still hurt tremendously. My vacation was a welcome reprieve from this topic that has been nagging at me for months. This has been a big theme on the online boards i participate in, so I am not alone, You do find out who are your true friends during this process, and you find some new gems on the journey for which I am immensely grateful. That is the upside. And I have to say that my current partner and former partner have been absolutely wonderful and supportive during everything, including putting up with my occasional meltdowns. For that, I am especially blessed.

My BFF has opted out of coming to visit or call. We have known each other for over 40 years, but for 25+ years, I have had serious health issues which must have ticked her off. I don't want pity and that's a good thing because she's all about logic and scientific proof - no time for feelings.

There were others whose friendship meant the world to me, but they've gone missing too..

All in all, my family is most supportive and I'm beyond grateful for them.

katcar and Sabel, my heart goes out to both of you. What is wrong with people? My best friend has had trouble being there for me as I was for him. It hurts that while I supported him fully, he is unable to reciprocate. Hurts like hell.

So sorry for everyone that is hurting. I thought my husband would be a little more pampering too, than he has been. But I think with him, since he has never been the pampering kind, he wouldn't really know how. Even if he tried, it wouldn't last long. Over the years, he has more expected me to be the strong one. And I worry about what would happen if I got in seriously bad shape. I hope I never have to find out.

I called my father and left him a voicemail on Thursday the morning of my 14th surgery, my implant exchange , said if I die to help take care of my girls. He has always been a toxic, coldhearted SOB. Lately he occasionally says that he will be there for me. I just don't trust him. He said after my diagnosis, "If your breasts are a problem, cut them off" That hurt me so much, I thought he might care even a little. He wasn't there for me when they butchered, fried or poisoned me, (sorry but I never call what was done "treatment ". ) My father hasn't called at all since the surgery, not one word.

My husband thinks anything my father says or does is just fine. He is not my friend half the time. I had a melt down yesterday and today again, feel so sad, upset and angry. I apologized to keep the peace, but in my heart I feel that my husband never has my back, and that he is such a critisizer. I am afraid to be alone, to be a really poor single parent.I work part time and live paycheck to paycheck. I spend all my money on supplements for me (because I don't feel safe after all the misery and pain and don't want to die until after my girls are grown up) and on them, their shoes, clothes, camps for the summer. Nothing left, no savings. Another thing my husband gets mad about. I try and eat a healthy diet, buy organic, which just pisses off my husband as well because it is such a waste of money according to him.

I have two friends, one I never expected to have, another who had BC 20years ago and gets "it " most of the time. Still, though I am alone a lot except for my kids and husband. And as I said, he's not much of a comforter. I don't really hear from those friends I mentioned either, mostly I call them, although one took me to the last surgery this week. She and I both have young daughters and they get together sometimes for activities. Just wish I had someone who was there for me more often then once every 2to 4 weeks. Thought my husband would be that person, but it didn't turn out that way. He just makes me angry with his thoughtless comments. He can be good sometimes, just too, too rarely to make me feel that I am not alone.

Sorry this is a major bummer, butgottosay this somewhere or I will burst.

Dear Macb:

I feel so bad for you. I know exactly what you are going through with your husband. My partner of 43 years has totally rejected me this time. ( I had BC in 2009 ) She says it is my fault I have cancer again. She says I'm using my cancer to get attention. She refuses to do any chores and makes me put away the groceries she gets at the store. I thought she loved and cared about me but I'm not so sure anymore.

Thankfully I have 12 dear friends who are BC survivors I see at Mass daily. They give me support and hope I will be a survivor too! Sometimes we have to look outside of the home for help.

I'll pray for you. I'll pray that you are closer to free so your children will have you for many years to come. God Bless You!

I'm watching the View and there's a BC patient, a teacher, who is getting showered with support and devotion. I see these stories all the time and I know y'all so too.

So are we the exception to the rule or the silent majority?

I thought I'd get family support, especially since 1) my sister in law and brother had been through the same deal a decade earlier and 2) my mother died from BC a mere two years prior. Brother and sisterIL promised to come help out for a bit but never showed up. My father moved from a two hour drive to a 20 hour drive away. My 20 year best friend disappeared until it was all over (and now I am done with her). It turns out I have only a few friends and no community to speak of, even though I was a teacher and theater fixture for 20 years.

I have to think it's because I'm not as liked as I thought I was, that it was all a sham. I've always struggled to be part of any group and my BC experience reinforced all those adolescent social insecurities (in the back of my head is Carrie's mother/Piper Laurie screaming "They're all going to laugh at you!") and turned me rather bitter. I only trust one person now, my DH who has been there 175%.