Stupid comments ....

This is more of a question than a comment. I was at my naturopath's office today, and the person checking out as I was checking in was obviously a cancer patient. Would it have been stupid or rude to say something? I wasn't going to ask her health history or say anything personal, just considered saying hi and mentioning that I was recently diagnosed with BC and that was why I was there. Maybe make a new waiting room friend. I don't look like I have cancer yet so there would be no reason for her to think we might have something in common unless I said something. But I didn't say a word, because I thought of this thread, and I didn't want to come back tomorrow and find out I made the stupid comments hall of fame myself!

I don't think I would mind if someone reached out to me in that context - as two patients of the same doctor in the waiting room. How would others feel about that?

solfeo...You could just make a general statement about the doctor. Like how much you like (or don't like) the doctor. Keep all information in reference to yourself and your doc. . That will give her an opening to speak if she chooses. If she doesn't bite, then move on to the weather or the movies. Don't keep drilling.

I make eye contact and nod, or comment on something someone's wearing. I don't want to out anyone or make them think that it's obvious they have cancer--I've had a few people do that to me and it was a downer.

In the first couple weeks of my first diagnosis, I was standing in line to check in for a consultation with an oncologist, when a lady complimented me on my shoes as she passed by me on her way to a seat in the waiting room . Then she and her elderly mother were called back, and after their appointment they passed me on their way out the door. A moment later she came back in and stood in front of me where I sat with all my notebooks on my lap. I looked up at her face and she said something like, "I know I'm making all sorts of assumptions here, but I want to tell you that you WILL get your life back." I looked up and tears came to my eyes. We started to talk and she helped me figure out some things about finding the right place for treatment. It really touched me that she took a risk to help a stranger, and her words of encouragement echoed in my mind for a long time. (She had been treated for bc several years earlier, and must have recognized the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face.)

I'm pretty fortunate in that I didn't hear any hurtful or mean comments, and I can think of only one stupid one.

I was off work for 6 months during chemo and part of the way through radiation. Shortly after returning to work in February, I was talking with a co-worker about my recovery, and told him that I was hoping to be able to walk a complete 5k on July 4th. I expressed my concerns with stamina, and he said I should just start walking as far as I possibly could, and then return, because of course, if I'm halfway into a park and I can't walk any farther, I'll just be able to 'gut it out' to get back to the starting point. I chalked it up to ignorance about the effects of chemo and radiation, and didn't tell him how stupid he sounded.

Oh, and I was able to complete that 5k.

Ramona

I have to say that you and I have the same mindset about the stupidity of what the doctors tell you. I had a positive diagnosis in one breast and was told that the other breast looked "questionable" with debris that they wanted to keep an eye on. I opted for removing both breasts - who wants two hospital stays and the need for caregivers and transportation, etc.? The maddest I got was over the lack of information provided about reconstruction. Mine failed due to the plastic surgeon's office providing me with a nasty staff infection. My chest looks like the result of a bad train wreck!

@ Raidergirl . Thank you sooo much for this thread, it's absolutely hilarious!! I cannot believe the hoo-haw atrophy comment. I've always stated,some people are wise, the rest are otherwise - clearly we know which category said word-monger fell into!! hahaha

@Solfeo. I'm totally with you on your outlook. My family and I also share a weird sense of humour. My brother started singing Pirelli's Miracle Elixer (From Sweeny Todd) when I told him that my hair started off and he even offered to make said elixer for me :P I laugh and make stupid jokes about it, because I see them as silver linings. I wrote more about it here .

Some of my pet peeve comments I've received are:

• Just have faith
• Condolences from people who are secretly attention-hoes ( you know the type that hug you and start crying loudly so that in the end you are consoling them)
• You're so brave. ( I'm not brave, I've tried to check out)

On eyes, I have a pre-cancer cataract that wasn't ready to be removed. My eye doc says it's ready but since some percentage of breast cancer survivors develop cataracts within two year of chemo, he's waiting and watching.

On eyelashes, I have hypothyroidism so my lashes were much gone anyway. But my MO got me a RX for Latisse which like rogaine for eyelashes because eyelashes actually serve a purpose (duh!). This stuff also will promote eyebrow growth...as long as you keep using it.

Nude photo dude needs to be cropped and reported. What a slubberdegullion!!

My lesbian partner of 26 years almost hit my SO because my SO wanted to do areconstruction. My DP said she rather have me alive and glands is glands...

Ruska, the advice you got is right on. I couldn't say I have IBC for a bit, if I was dumbstruck I figured my friends also needed time to adjust.

And a brag to LA Star: just got in fron seeing Roseanne Cash, Lucinda Williams, and Emmylou Harris in concert together. They sang harmony for each other, sang each other's song, told tales on each other. I wept. And 6 concerts in the next 5 weeks.

{{{hugs to all}}}

bride, still fighting back/shoulder stuff, sigh

Sharazhad707 your brother sounds like a hoot! I'm definitely taking the 'better to laugh than to cry' approach to dealing with this cancer, and anyone who can't laugh with me can just get out of the way.

Heard no stupid remarks about the cancer this week, but did run into plenty of stupid - like having to repeat the name of my insurance company 6 different times to three different people during the course of a single appointment, because they kept referring to the wrong one. Way to inspire confidence, Professional Medical People, into whose hands I am placing my life!

WOW Skittlegirl, I am dumbfounded. I really don't understand what people are thinking (or not thinking)!

boring,,,, GEEEZ!! What is with people???

Oh... RaiderGirl...

"I told her if my pussie ever atrophies it wont be a problem since my husband has a very small penis and doesn't know how to use it well anyway.

She didn't know what to say.

DH was within earshot, I heard him drop a coffee cup and bust out laughing. ( gotta love that man)."

ROTLMFAO!!! I snerked coffee all over my keyboard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! High-FIVE!!!!

That sounds like a hoot! I'm dense when it comes to ideas, you're right we need to laugh. Pics pleeze????

queenmomcat,

LMAO, back at ya! My DP says she'll see your husband's not enough and raise him two table saws, three different types of chainsaws, a scroll saw, a biscuit joiner (which I gather has nothing to do with the kitchen, where she also excels), innumerable Dremels, and several blue ribbon winning samplers. And we're in the middle of building our own smelting furnace for making aluminum stuff. Er, I do the plumbing, the 3 semi restored 85 Mercedes, and the floor tiling....

I think she and your husband would get along quite well.

a guffawing bride

Raider Girl,

Over at WebMd they have a quiz on "how well do you know your vagina." Eleven of the most simplistic questions; if they expect the mythical average woman to find the quiz challenging it's a wonder we ain't all dead from mental atrophy. Sheesh.

Your husband is definitely a keeper!

bride