How to tell my parents, older children, friends etc.

I am sorry that u have to b in our group. Unfortunately your life will change, some u have some control over some u dont. U will know the time is right n what n how u will tell them. U know ur family n friends better than anybody,  how much u want them to know is all in ur control. We r here for whatever u want. 

WELCOME

Hi, I am single and live alone. I told only my sister and best friend. I was able to hide it from everyone else.

I can very much identify with how you feel.

As others have said, it is your choice to decide the timing of whom you will tell, if anyone. Just be aware that people whom you tell may pass on the information.

Keep visiting here. It is a wonderful source of support and information.

Best wishes for your treatment.

Justamom, I did a lot of what PoppyK did. One thing that helped was not to feel I needed to tell everyone at once. I told my sisters before I told my mom--that was the hardest one. I did wait to tell nearly everyone until I'd had all the tests and had a treatment program in place.

The needy people in your life will be needy in the way that they respond, even if they think they are helping you. I also told a group of close mom friends via email, and that was helpful, because they could respond after absorbing the news. I have to say they have been great. I also realized that not everyone in my life needs to know, i.e. people I don't see often. I also didn't want every conversation to be about this. Work: I've told almost no-one, and as long as I stay healthy I plan to keep it that way. My son is 15, and I'm completely straightforward with him. I found that some of the hardest people to tell were the ones whose lives had been significantly touched by cancer, but in some cases they were the ones who got it. For instance, a dear friend lost her mother 30 years ago to cancer, but she knew how treatments have changed since then and was very understanding. The first conversation is hard, but if you give people cues, they're grateful. For instance, if I'm feeling yucky, I'll say so, but if I'd rather talk about something else (Donald Trump, teenage children, whatever), people are usually happy to oblige.

A word about husband: he's been great, but I think the hardest thing for him is when I want to be off by myself to think about things. That's hard on him. (Yes indeed, I am an introvert.)

Hope this helps! Good luck; you don't need to figure it out all at once.

Justamom: thank you for asking. I've been wrestling with that same question, though thankfully not just before a large family gathering. But waiting until you have a treatment plan in place, however tenuous, before telling most people makes sense to me.

on the flip side, I felt that thinking about it all the time but not saying anything was using up my energy. I told a number of people at work, and, since I took a long leave (6 months), it was news that was out there. I set up a caring bridge website, which I feel is more private than Facebook, and have actually enjoyed the blogging for the website. Overall, I have gotten an amazing amount of support from the people at work and other friends, a tremendous gift that is humbling and helpful. I feel so much less alone and wrapped in a bubble of love and support, something I did not anticipate.

My family has been a little more standoffish? and I am glad to have support from other places. I think this is partly because I had a positive BRCA1 result, without any apparent family history, and now my close family are having to deal with this in a very direct way as they decide for themselves whether to test, etc.

Like Racy said, do what feels right, the rest falls into place

I've know about my diagnosis since memorial day weekend. My mother's very close sister got sick at the same time. I've been holding back telling her until my aunt was better. I was dreading telling her. I did this morning. She was shocked at first but as we talked for a couple of hours she is now in super care mode. The relief I feel is tremendous!!

My kids, teenagers, I told once I knew I was going in for surgery. I kept it hidden ror about 5-6 weeks. They have been pretty good but are still wrapped up in their own worlds like teenagers can be. They are not as familiar with the scariness of a cancer diagnosis as say my mom who is old school and it used to be a death sentence for. A few of my kids friends mother's have it. It seems so friggin' common these days.

My closest friends I told right away because they have some experience with it. They have been super supportive.

My boyfriend, he has been my rock from day one. He came into my life 3 years ago and has been a gift for me thru this.

Work is a whole different story. I work at a big resort with a lot of employees and gossip runs rampit. I only told 3 people my diagnosis, my boss, his boss, and the director of HR. I asked them I didn't want my diagnosis public for now. I've been out from the surgery for 3 weeks so far and will prob take another 2. I really don't know what I'm going to say once I get back. I can imagine the speculations that are going around. I don't really want everyone to know. I don't want questions and pity looks. I don't think I will be able to hide it though. I mean everyone knows my hair...even a wig will be so obvious.

Well I hope I didn't babble on too much but I know I like reading others experiences.

My main point is that that telling people close to me was hard, keeping it "a secret" was harder, but such a relief once I finally got it out!! A big relief and once the initial shock wears off, in my case anyway, the support feels so comforting.

Good luck to you and sorry for your pain.

Justamom,


About the hair issue, I've done chemo twice 25 yrs apart first time without cold caps, this last time I still have my shoulder length hair, the only people who knew I was going through chemo were people I told. My MO at. UCSF suggested I do that, there are great forums and rooms on this site expressly for those considering cold capping and offering advice. If your MO says it's okay for you I highly recommend it and there are many here who can tell you all about it.