MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Thanks all. The service is Saturday. Bro & fam & Sis & husband will be here, as well as step-mom of 40 yrs plus her humungous extended family. Of my siblings & I, I was closest to Dad; there were problems with him and the sibs over the years. We were all closest to Mom, but she passed in 2012, I don't think that pain could be matched. Dad's death, although heartbreaking for me, is not the chest clutching, wretching sobbing, that I had with her. I worry that that means I didn't love him enough, but I have to justify it by rationalizing she was my MOM! we were BFFs. Dad had my step-mom; our connection was strong, but different (I am also one vodka, soda with cranberry into the evening after a 10 hr shift at the new job, so if I'm not making sense, I apologize.)

On another note my PCP is bugging me for an appointment after labs at the beginning of the month. I am NOT anxious to go in. Can anyone relate?

Eph, so sorry about the death of your Dad. Lost mine to cancer 3 years ago and it feels like it was a month ago. Many hugs!!!

Eph,

Sending condolences for your loss. There's a history of Alz on my maternal side.

There's a famous Latin pop star named Ricardo Arjona. He's kind of like the Sting in the latin songwriting world as he's considered a true poet and makes much social and human condition commentary.

He wrote a song about Alz a number of years ago,now. I love it! A link to a fairly good translation of Spanish and English side by side with some of my added edits is below.The theme is the ALZ protagonist is only remembered/exists as his lover remembers him, because he is incapable due to the disease to remember anything about himself. His persona only exists because of the memories of those who know him and remember him. He's in a happy (and ignorant) ALZ state of not knowing anything about himself. The lyrics in Spanish and English and the actual song are in this post.

Ya no me acuerdo de mi I No Longer Remember Me (about Myself)
Ya no me acuerdo de mí, ya no me acuerdo de nada. Ya no sé bien lo que fui, si Hare Krishna o si lama. Mi dirección es aquí, mi apartamento tu cama. Ya no me mires así que tengo el alma gitana Y en este Alzheimer feliz, tus ojos son mis ventanas Amor como el que me das, desmemoriza a cualquiera. Me acuerdo cuando te vas y se me olvida si llegas. Sólo me importa si estás. No sé si hay sol o si nieva. Mi nombre es el que querrás Mi patria es la que prefieras Si,en este Alzheimer feliz, tu brasiere es mi bandera Coro 1: Ya no me acuerdo de nada Si sufrí, si lloré Si te salvé o me salvaste Si es un mal o es un milagro. Ya no me acuerdo de nada Coro 2: Ya no me acuerdo de nada. Si perdí o si gané Si fue real o si soñé Si estuve al borde del delirio. Ya no me acuerdo de nada, de nada Ya no me acuerdo de nada Me cuentan que un día viví entre las sombras y el miedo. Fui amante de un maniquí, de corazón usurero. Me cuentan que el que yo fui, perdía llegando primero. Hoy sólo sé que es por ti Que recordarme no puedo Y en este Alzheimer feliz, te quiero porque te quiero {Coro 1,2,1} De nada Ya no me acuerdo de nada Ya no me acuerdo de mí		I no longer remember about myself, I no longer remember anything. I no longer really know what I was, whether Hare Krishna or lama. My address is here, my apartment your bed. Do not look at me like that now as I have a gypsy soul And in this happy Alzheimer's, your eyes are my windows Love like that you give me, makes anyone forgetful (makes me un-remember other loves). I remember when you go and I forget if you arrive. It only matters to me if you're here. I do not know whether it is sunny or snowing. My name is whatever you want My homeland is whatever you prefer Yes, in this happy Alzheimer's, your bra is my flag Chorus 1: I no longer remember anything If I suffered, if I cried If I saved you or you saved me If it is a bad thing or a miracle. I no longer remember anything Chorus 2: I no longer remember anything. If I lost or if I won If it was real or if I dreamed it If I was on the edge/verge of delirium. I no longer remember anything, anything I no longer remember anything They tell me that one day I lived between the shadows and the fear. I was the lover of a mannequin, of a profiteering heart. They tell me that (the man) I was, was losing by coming (coming in) first. Today, I only know that it is because of you That I am to be remembered . I can't remember about myself. And in this happy Alzheimer's, I love you because I love you {Chorus 1,2,1} Anything. I no longer remember anything I no longer remember about myself

http://www.ooltra.net/Lyrics.php?a=RicardoArjona&s...

I love the music, too on this one.

WOW!

Welcome back Oddswinner! Glad you're taking it in steps. It takes a lot out of our bodies to have a MX/BMX. We're not youngsters that heal as we once did. You may find other departures from your original plan on your BC voyage. You will have time to come to yourself and get over the BC version "PTS" because you've had the MX. Your treatment plan is underway and you are past the initial shock of the diagnosis. Let us know how you progress. I think it's a good sign that you can show your boo boo. I HATED being tethered by my drains. MIne didn't come out for almost a month! Let us know when your's is removed- it'll be a perfect excuse for me to have a glass of Champagne or Cava.

Elimar, dahlink.... if your schedule is busy, if you're in pain and discomfort due to the dental destruction, then waiting a few weeks for your annual mammo is understandable and sensible. If you are putting it off because you are BC battle fatigued, that's understandable too, but it entails unnecessary risk and potential guilt. It will be on your brain. I really should be scheduling my mammo. .... I have had two separate cancers detected on routine screenings. The melanoma insitu on my arm was literally just check off item on my "I turned 50" and I'm supposed to do have colonscopy, dermo check, annual BC check etc. You can always choose to NOT be treated. You can always choose to legitimately say, I need more time to decide and research a treatment plan if you get lousy news. But your choices are diminished if cancer is left unchecked. Think how relieved you'll feel if the results come back all clear. Think how responsible you'll feel if they don't come back all clear and you can honestly say, well I did my blasted BC duty. I can't help it if I grow this s$%t, but I'm doing the best I can. That said, I would not go in if I'm miserable with dental pain. Everyone respects you on this board. You're an awesome woman and keep us hugely entertained. We want you around. You have great graphics! We look forward to them.

Hey all!

I get you, Eli, I can only "handle" one trauma at a time, if I have any control over the situation. And tooth pain or any head pain is the worst! So do what cha gotta do for yourself to stay sane. (or as sane as you can be)

Odds, glad to see you back! Take care of yourself and heal and deal sounds just right! Yes, this is a fluid journey, plans can change and new standards of care are arriving every day it seems like. So when or if you get reconstruction there might be a new procedure.

I'm feeling better. I feel like I traded in my RO for a GYN what with the 6 month check ups I gotta do with her now. Oh well. My docs always schedule my next apt when I am leaving their office. My mammo is already set up for Dec, my derma check is Sept, my GYN is Jan and I see my MO to argue about taking or not taking tamoxifen in August. I also have my dental cleaning in August. I feel like my life is just one doc apt after another, but it is very organized. Usually just one concern at a time. Lol

Oh eph, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing both parents so close together. I so admire you at your new job! But so much stress! Also moving! Take extra care of yourself! ((((hugs))))

Oddswinner--great to see you back! Rads can be brutal on skin, I was only 48 at the time and wound up with a lot of damage, so it's not just age that's a factor here. And like you say, there is only moving forward.Love the "feel, deal and heal" phrase, perfect description of the process!I remember lookingat my chest and seeing the boob gone, it was an odd experience.

That reminds me when I explained foob to friends, I always said franken-boob for cadaver tissue (alloderm).

Who knew we had a cicada expert in our midst? Eli, I'll leave the disgusting bug factoids to you. I've seen/heard cicadas while in the south, but living in California keeps the large insect/reptiles to a minimum, and I'll take mosquitos, spiders and small snakes over cicadas any day. Very small snakes. I would probably faint if I came across a huge boa constrictor like those that sometimes grab the headlines in Florida. Especially the yellow ones...okay, all colors of them really. I was never destined to be an entomologist...

Oh, and by the way, I realized I mixed my references above. I know that an insect specialist is an entomologist, and learned this morning that a snake expert is a herpetologist. I can't recall learning that before. Of course, I stay as far away from snakes as I can.

That is so interesting that cicadas turn off their own hearing!

SnS:  I'll take the cicadas over the mosquitos,, I'm so sick of getting multiple bites everytime I walk outside right now. Ahhhh, Fl in the summer time !!

Elimar the cicadas with the blossom hats are hysterical!

Staynsane, Loved and related to the husband's reference to selective hearing. There were a few times when I thought, oh it had to be that he didn't remember something because I must have forgotten to tell him. Afterall, I'd been on aromatase inhibitors. But nooooooo, it's just like you said. Turned off his ears.

Here's to alloderm- I've got it me, too. It takes a village, ladies.

How are we doing for the pages and the August goal?

Loved that story about the melted chocolate. I've done that too. **was it that black thing on my skin**  Taste,, oh chocolate. 

I tell ya, this year, the summer heat is kicking my butt. 8:30 am and it's already too hot to walk the dog. And she's a slow walker.  Not quite August yet, either. Oh boy,,,,

 

And if you are a reader,  let me just say:  Do NOT read Go Set A Watchman.  If you love To Kill a Mockingbird, either book or movie or both,,,, please trust me and don't read this "sequel".  It is awful. Supposedly this was Harper Lee's first version of the book and the editor got her to rewrite it and focus on Scout's childhood. Which made for a MUCH better book. Most of the reviews of the book have been terrible. So, just throwing this out here. We had a discussion on the Book Lover's thread if you are interested.