Stupid comments ....

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited July 2015

    I agree that I don't see it as people being cruel intentionally. Why would they? Are they innately evil? I doubt it. I think they don't know what to say as I know I don't what I'd say if I know someone could be sensitive to my being clueless, ie a stranger. So that's why I say to take it with a grain of salt and not expend your already low energy on thinking about it, imo. Not worth it. Now if it's someone you know and it matters to you, then that's different.

    As for the waitress in the restaurant, I would have shut it down quick. If someone flips the tail of my scarf, I'd give a look of wth? I mean, invasion of personal space anyone? If that alone didn't stifle her I'd say something like I'm in middle of something (my phone is always out so I'd pick it up to "text") and ask her nicely for a glass of water or something so she'd have to leave and unless she's a real azz, she wouldn't try talking to me again.

    That's just me. I can go from being like a bff to someone I hardly know and will really try to help them down to being rude. I just have to be careful when heading down toward 'rude' that I'm not misinterpreting their intention, which is the hard part.

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  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited July 2015

    Hi ladies,

    The stupid comments will never end. I now look forward to them

    During the exam the Pa commented how the port scar was healing so well. The scar she was referring to was the biopsy scar on the very top curve of my L breast.

    For fu*cks sake, chemo- ports are never implanted IN the breast.

    OH and one more thing. I didn't have chemo so the port comment was even stupider.

    Next.....


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  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited July 2015

    sbelizabeth

    Unfair, you must forewarn if a post requires tissues to be on hand.


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  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited July 2015

    208sandy

    Graduates...really? Shut the f8ck up. Really?

    I'd have to pimp slap someone.


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  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited July 2015

    Djatsw47

    My travel agent told me her nephew is a oncologist and said that BC is the best cancer to have because once its cut out its all done with.

    After my eyes stopped spinning inside my head I asked her what her MD nephews opinion was of the 47,000 women that died of BC in 2014.

    She went like this

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  • Beatmon
    Beatmon Member Posts: 1,562
    edited July 2015

    And just one more reason we hate stupid people!

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited July 2015

    Wow, if the PA is clueless I'd let the doc know. That could wind up being dangerous (not the port thing) but to do with something else that's important with another pt. If its an office staff well then whatever, but a provider of care? I'd say something..

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2015

    This has always bugged me, but never said anything. Docs are supposed to know stuff. What about the doc that put's the stethoscope on a boob to listen to lung sounds or over the liver area. Such a blantant lack of knowing anatomy. What else don't they know.

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited July 2015

    Well 50% of all Doctors are in the bottom 50% of their class. So not all of them are winners. Should we pick them by GPA? I swear a few of mine have chemo brain...............

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  • Cheesequake
    Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
    edited July 2015

    My new favorite thing: when people ask me about my port, so I show it to them, offer to let them touch it, and answer their questions (what's in there, where does the needle go, etc....) Then they make a grossed out face and tell me it was TMI. WELL WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?!?!

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited July 2015

    When I had my port in I taught several paramedic classes that referenced "central lines"--IVs such as PICC lines and catheters that stick out from the chest. Not many of them had even heard of implanted ports, so I regularly pulled the collar of my shirt to the side to and encouraged them to go ahead and feel it so they'd know what it is when they encounter a patient in the field with one. It was pretty high on my chest so there was no "ewww" factor involved. And I'm old...very, very old. For most of them I could be their mom.

    I've encountered friends (and young adult children of friends) who were shyly curious, and even some who asked "what is chemotherapy?" Yup--there are people who are surprised that "chemotherapy" just means a routine of medicine, not some fancy chemical procedure. Straight, honest, unembarrassed answers seemed appropriate.

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  • Artista928
    Artista928 Member Posts: 2,753
    edited July 2015

    " " " " "

    Great post! Count me in on not knowing what chemotherapy was at the ripe young age of 50 and saying something "stupid" as a result. You have basically said what I mean in my post. Majority of folks don't know. They aren't trying to be stupid/clueless. As long as someone isn't intentionally being rude/cruel, which I'm sure we can pick those out, why bother with it? Even better, if they are strangers, why do you care? I agree with the poster above, educate them. If the person was intending to be an asshole that should not only stifle them but they've learned something new as well.

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  • Cheesequake
    Cheesequake Member Posts: 264
    edited July 2015

    In the instance I'm referring to, the "eww" factor was just me mentioning that the catheter went from the port into the jugular vein. That and the fact that you could see the outline of the port and catheter under my skin (also very high on my chest) was just too much, apparently.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2015

    RaiderGirl, I started a new thread. It's different than this. I see it as an extreme anger thread. What I'd like to do is link the threads in the topic box. It's kind of like a Star Trek transporter link. Let me know.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/833446?page=1#post_4442262

    Raider, going to put a link to your thread in the anger topic box. Try it. If you want me to take it out, I can do it likity split. I try to do it with all my threads. Easier traveling. AnecortesGirl and I did it between YKYACPW and Warm & Fuzzies.. They were complimentary funny threads.


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  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited July 2015

    I am posting challenged so yes do whatever voodoo you do to connect the two.


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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2015

    Raider, I linked from Steam room to here. Now you need to link here to Steam room. BTW Neverland is where I live----it's sassy or sas-schatzi :) I'm here on and off. I love your humor, irony, and stick it to'em attitude. I thought the threads are nicely complimentary. You nailed the idea. looney bin padded room

    1. go to steam thread

    2. click on the URL box. The URL will turn blue. Hit ctrl and c.

    3.come back here and click on the 'edit' of the topic box. Type "Link to Steam Room for Anger" hit return. Then hit ctrl and v it will paste the URL link. Then hit return. When it successfully connects(hyperlink), it will turn blue.---------------(see 5 after saving)

    4. click on save

    5. This step usually isn't needed, but some things wrong with the BCO hyperlinking. To get the link connected. Hit edit and re-enter the box. Place cursor at the end of the URL link and hit return. It should turn blue.

    What's fun Raider is if you can make your fingers work this, the world is open to all kinds of Cut & Paste. Makes me think that they're may be people on Warm & Fuzzies which is all C&P that don't know how to do this. A BCO member taught me years ago. I'm not kidding about it opening up the world.

    This link is to Warm & Fuzzies. I essentially rewrote the directions in a post there. If the above directions here aren't clear use this link.

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/818346?page=508#idx_15211


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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2015

    Raider and anyone else interested. On WARM & FUZZIES thread Julie, Spookie, Chevy, and I have all put instructions on how to post Pic and Links. I'm sure not tech savvy. It makes it allot of fun getting just the right pic to further express what you think.Here's the link to the page

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/818346?page=509#idx_15254


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  • Jumpship
    Jumpship Member Posts: 305
    edited July 2015

    "You must love enjoy shopping for hats!" Nope. Don't like to wear them, can't find cute ones that don't scream "cancer patient".

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  • MsPharoah
    MsPharoah Member Posts: 1,034
    edited July 2015

    Hello ladies and fellow endurers of stupid comments.....The hat shopping post had me thinking back to the appointment I had with what was purported to be a private and sensitive consultation with a wig specialist. It was anything but. Don't know about the rest of you gals who lost their hair, but there wasn't one wig in that shop that I liked or wanted to try on. I needed help to find the right wig, color and style for my transition and all she did was point me to the styrofoam heads and told me to find something I "liked". I left there and went to a shop that sells sexy lingerie and performance wigs and was treated so kindly and respectfully. And......loved the wig they recommended.

    MsP

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited July 2015

    On Monday I had to see my BS for my 6 month check up after surgery. The nurse was checking me in and asked me if I had any breast pain. WTH? I told her "I don't feel anything, I don't have that boob".


    After that stumble, she said that she meant the other one. WTH? Does it have cancer too? Hating this....

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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited July 2015

    At the end of a recent support group meeting, an older lady wished me well and then told me about her friend who died of bc just before her first grandchild was born. Gosh, thanks for prodding me in one of the places that gives me the most fear and grief. I just tried to keep a neutral face, and kept saying to myself that she was a newbie and she wasn't trying to be hurtful.

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  • farmerjo
    farmerjo Member Posts: 518
    edited July 2015

    Ok. HAVE to share this. I have made comments here more than once about people who always seem to ask "Did they get it all?".

    Had an appt. yesterday with my primary care physician. (I haven't seen him since my February pre-op visit.) As he's listening to my heart and lungs, he whispers "Do you know if they got it all?". REALLY??? A physician????

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  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited July 2015

    In the radiation waiting area, we're all wearing the same "uniform"--shapeless, poorly-tied, backward gown and no hair. It's a great social leveler. However, it also makes people assume everyone in the room is the same. I've had one woman say that of course as Christians we'd want everyone on our medical team to be Christian, too (I'm Jewish and also don't care what my medical providers' religions are). Another was talking about another woman and her friend feeling each others' reconstructions and laughing about "if someone came in now they'd think we were, well, you know--." As a well, you know myself, I found this amusing.

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited July 2015

    Shetlandpony, early on, I had a few experiences during which people took the conversational direction of "my ____ (mom, sister, aunt, grandma, friend) had breast cancer, it was horrible and she died." I was polite once or twice. Then I decided no one has the social right to destroy my peace or contribute to my fear, and learned to immediately interrupt and change the subject, or abruptly excuse myself and go away.

    If it offended anyone, tough. Time they learned some sensitivity anyway.

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  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2015


    Wow,, what difference does religion make with your doctor?  *scratches head on that one*   

    Sounds like you had an amusing day at rads.

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  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited July 2015

    Always a par-tay at the RO's place.

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  • Keyla
    Keyla Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2015

    Hello ladies

    I was just diagnosed on Thursday with "invasive ductal" something, am still in information overload so I hope I am in the right place. I don't have a lot of information yet, and didn't hear a lot of what my doc said after she confirmed I have cancer.

    It has only been a few days and I have already gotten numerous stupid comments. Most commonly "well you will get a new set". I think I would much rather keep these ones.

    I really don't think people have any idea till they experience it themselves. The most meaningful comments to me were the couple of friends who just said "I don't know what to say, I just want to give you a hug, can I do anything"

    I am sure that I have said stupid things in my lifetime too, and wasn't even aware of doing it until four years ago my husband of 22 years committed suicide. The toughest question I got asked, more than once was, "oh, how did he die". I will never ask anyone that question ever again.

    Sorry, am kind of rambling, still in a bit of a daze.

    Carol

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  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 3,039
    edited July 2015

    Keyla: yes, you're in the right place....because the stupid (clueless/ignorant) comments do start right away! Alas. Welcome, with a leavening of "sorry you have to be here, though we're glad to get to know you." Dreading getting the variants on "will you get a new set?" I've had backaches since my early twenties because of my breast size, but I'd still rather have been allowed to keep them, intact and droopy.

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  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2015


    Hi Keyla, sorry you have to join our club.  Welcome to the forum.  We GET it!! Lots of stupid comments are out there, as you can see from reading back just on this thread.

    I'm sure you are in a daze,, no surprise there,, hang in there and we are here for you.

    glennie

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2015

    I have permission from TresJ to repost this. Hope I don't get banned. This is the most classic post I have seen. She followed up to say that it shut them up.

    5 hours ago , edited 5 hours ago by Tresjoli2

    I am on taxol and while my hair has thinned, and I cut it short...halfway through treatment I still have plenty of hair to not need to cover my head. If I get one more " but you still have hair" "or are you really on chemo I don't believe it" I'll scream. Ive resorted to running my fingers through my hair and dropping a chunk in front of the persons face to get them to shut up.

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