Stupid comments ....

sas-schatzi

Artista, it's situational. Same words delivered by two people can carry a completely different message. Early on I was in too much shock as Raider said. It was only later on when the dust settled that I paid attention. I must admit I was the one who threw the first egg when Dh was dx'd 3 months after me. "What? Do we live on a landfill?"

Reminds me of a time. Unrelated too above. Flashback. This gal who didn't have cancer was going off on how ' WE cause our cancer.' She was using the queen's WE. She was espousing some weirdo theory. I said we had a thread here called  "Shut the Fuck Up". "That we discussed the things like she was talking about. We found the best thing to say to someone in this situation was "Shut the Fuck Up".

(Sorry can't remember what her theory was. It was so off the wall. It was the only time,  I ever treated someone this way.)

She laughed and started in again. I said something very close too. "Patty, Did you not understand what I said? I was serious, shut the fuck up". Our mutual friend told her it was time to change the subject.

shorfi

Glennie...my sentiments exactly.

farmerjo

It's almost daily that I have to deal with someone that says "Did they get it all?". Even my adult children don't get it...they think it's over and I'm cured.

What makes it more difficult for me is having hair.. LOL! They see I have hair and think "she's not that sick".

Sigh.

Beachbum1023

Hi everyone, when I get the comments that come from well meaning never had cancer friends that it's time to move on, I tell them ok and move on, without them. And for some it is time to do so.

When I called to schedule my 6 month mammo, the nurse asked me if it was for the one breast only. Yep , got one left. I wasn't sure what else she wanted to try to mammo. I did ask if the mammo was 50% off since I only have half to do. She wasn't amused. I missed the sale at Wal Mart I guess..................Cheryl

Artista928

lol at the 50% off for the mammo! good one!

Spookiesmom

Busted my MOs NP on that one. She came breezing in and says you're due for a Mamo. I said ok, tell me how they're gonna do it.

I had bmx. The look on her face was priceless, and I bet she reads charts more closely!!!!

Suladog

a few years ago at UCSF when I still had one breast left I went for my yearly mammo the radiologist spent quite a while trying to find my missing breast. It had been gone for 20 years. Whoops

Artista928

I used to work for a very busy and popular surgeon's office. If we made such big mistakes especially resulting in upsetting a pt, we would be written up if not fired. Wow.

Sonjat

When people ask me how I'm doing I don't want to complain, because I am doing better than I was. So I generally say at this point extreme fatigue but better than chemo! At which point they almost always say "well I'm tired too!" No clue what tired to the bone feels like. Or you look so great! No need to send you anymore sympathy cards. What?? I've learned so much about what NOT to say. But your friend wins the prize. Yep, time to ignore that one.

Sonjat

It's true that when the hair and eyelashes come back everyone thinks your cured! I was fortunate to have pCR at surgery and I know that, but I also know that IBC is a tricky thing and could be floating around in there looking for a new home. I've also been told how great it is that I'm OK and can get back to my normal life. Not even done with treatment yet. Or those who tell you "whatever you need, just ask". I've asked several people for help weeding my minuscule garden but i guess they meant everything but THAT~

Sonjat

Tangandchris, I received several "chemo cookbooks". After quite a few treatments I came to realize that i didn't have the energy to shop for the ingredients much less cook. I now know..take them the food ready to eat, NOT the cookbook.

Sonjat

Canukmom...wow! and are you still with this gem of a husband? Frying pan over the head perhaps??

lyzzysmom

I love reading this thread. I am lucky I guess because most people around me seem not to say stupid things. I know I have said some stupid things myself in my lifetime where I wish I could have just taken my foot out of my mouth, but but one day at work a conversation started with a couple of guys, one of who has a sister who has had BC. I mentioned how so many hate the pink thing and the other guy mentioned that he did like the save the tatas bumper sticker he saw. I am afraid I gave him a bit of a lecture that for many it is about staying alive and bones and brains and lungs. but I did it in a nice way and there were no hard feelings as he is a good person, just didn't get it.

Sonjat

Honestly the whole pink ribbon "awareness" thing has somehow set in people's mind that breast cancer isn't really "cancer", it's all about "saving the tatas"! A very big pet peeve of mine along with "don't take away second base". It's cancer! Whoever said we are "endurers, I love it

Sonjat

I love the monopoly money! What an honor it would be to help with this very worthy project. Can you imagine if he began getting 20.00 monopoly bills from across the country with these very thought provoking questions? hahaha

My sister is a hospice nurse, so she probably has toughened up to things like cancer, and she was a great help to me after my surgery. But I have to share that not long after my diagnosis, she texted or called several times to see when the gene testing would be done. I let her know that the genetic counselor wasn't sure we would need to do it based on my family history. Her reply was that they needed to order it for me because it would be too expensive for her to do it, since she didn't have cancer she'd have to pay out-of-pocket (I was barely able to work at the time and had to pay a portion of this test) You guessed it...after it was done and thankfully negative, I didn't receive her 1/2 of the payment in the mail. Yes, I know what she meant but if she hadn't redeemed herself with the excellent care after surgery, those would still be fighting words!

Sonjat

I thought this was an IBC forum! Glad i found all of you. God at work

Sonjat

Raidergirl and beachbum the conversation about the bills has really hit home. Where are the funds to help the people struggling to pay for cancer? I'm also single and have been very fortunate that the company i work for carried they're part of my insurance and co-workers paid my part for 7 months. I'm now back to working to maintain insurance while doing radiation every morning and it's draining. last year after my diagnosis of course there were multiple scans, test, labs, etc. and of course my deductible hadn't been met. I received a call from the radiology group asking that i pay the almost 3000.00 in bills right away. I offered 100.00 per month to which they replied it would have to be 278 per month. I let her know that wasn't doable for me at this time due to chemotherapy and not working. She insisted that 100 wouldn't work but not to worry, I had six weeks to pay it. hahaha At this point I couldn't help myself, my reply was that i needed treatment, which required me not to work, which obviously impacted my funds and I certainly could never pay them if I were dead. She seemed shocked and told me not to think that way, of course I'd be fine. So, no payment plan, I couldn't pay it, and they sent it to collections. Collections called and what do you know? They accepted 100.00 per month (scratching my head )

Beachbum1023

Sonjat, I just spoke with my "collectors" yesterday, and I just laugh to myself when I see the total and know that I am Stage IV. I am 58 and single, no children so no help to be found anywhere. I have actually hit the point that I am worth more dead than alive. I will never make enough to pay what I owe, and it constantly adds up. And my last employer was confused when they let me go and told me that I could have COBRA but they did not qualify. That was right before I started rads, cha-ching! And truthfully I don't care, what can I do? I just went back to work, and they only hire temp so I'm not sure if they will offer me the position after the first 90 days. But since I had to take a very intrusive physical, they know my medical so I am concerned that they took me as a temp until they find someone else and not offer the job. Then I'll be stuck again, and I don't have insurance right now. I am covered by the Clinic until 8/6. But it doesn't cover scripts etc, and I have late effect shingles now. So ER visit, Doctor visits, and scripts.

So I am glad, they got it all, I am all better now, when one door opens, and it's time to move on. I wish all the comments were true, but in reality we all just wait for the next thing to happen. The side effects after the treatment are not "free". Follow-up after treatment is not "free". But what we do see is death, taxes, and co-pays forever.

If I knew where to return "my gift" I would.............Cheryl

Spookiesmom

Beach, we miss you! Can you come back to insomniacs ??

BlownOffCourse

I think my best (worst?) comment was "You're so lucky it's only breast cancer." Yep that's me, lucky, lucky, lucky - I guess I should buy a lottery ticket! 

tjh

I have gotten the "You are lucky it is only breast cancer and it was early" comment lots of times. I know that it is good that I go in for mammos yearly and it was small and early. But lucky? I will trade places with any of them. As for bill? I am at $225,000+ and not done yet, my house and all the updates we have made is $165,000. Luckily we have insurance with a $3000.00 catastrophic cap. My goal when I'm healthy again is to start a community program to provide meals to patients that do not have my resources. I need more energy to get started so goal is January

Beachbum1023

I am missing you all too! I went back to work full time, have to, and it is kicking my butt big time. I've been in a funk, I thought being out of treatment for the summer would be good. The weather has sucked big time, rain, and more rain and 1 day of sun in June. I'll be back around when I catch up.

Another stupid comment, "enjoy the summer we can look at the scans after Labor Day and decide on the next chemo then." Enjoy what? I thought I would enjoy the break, but I now have a better understanding of being convicted and sentenced. Ugh. How about parole?

Jennie93

Speaking of genetic testing. My sister, when she found out that I had BC and was being tested for BRCA since I was under 50 at dx and our mom had it too...... Her only comment was, "How will this affect ME?"

I just had to laugh. Knowing her, it was no surprise.

Artista928

Wow, I feel for you guys who don't have insurance/good insurance. I'm on SSDI for another problem and have a fixed income of 1770 a month. Living in CA, it's below poverty level really. I have Covered CA BC PPO which is 500 deductible and 2250 out of pocket max for the calendar year that includes the deductible. I haven't even had surgery yet let alone other stuff and I just 1400 to go before as long as I stay in network and what I need is covered, it will be paid in full. I count myself as blessed even though having bc sucks big time.

Beachbum1023

Artista, the insurance is a nightmare. Right now I owe $62,000 and change. Whatever...........but there are all those programs for breast cancer patients right? Ah no.......Cheryl

Artista928

Damn, so sorry to hear. I hope an unexpected door opens for you to help you.. praying for you. X

Sonjat

Beach, I'm at that point too. never a late payment on anything until everything hit the fan. Then even my insurance company raised my premium because of some "negative credit items"! thankfully I have a good agent who listened to me rant about how much sense it makes that my illness and subsequent financial hardships suddenly make me a "risky" driver. 3 very minor traffic tickets in 35 years of driving. He got it back down for me. A friend of mine started a go-fund-me account for me within 4 days of my diagnosis last year and it's been very helpful. She does an update every Friday. Maybe something to check out. I make sure my rent, utilities, and car are paid as well as necessities and look for free stuff around town to do now that I'm able to get out a little more. Do you have any friends or family that are able to help you out sometimes? I've even started playing the lottery 3 to 5 days a week! I want to win so I can put funds in a trust and help people like u and me so they can concentrate on resting without stressing. Lots of good people have stepped up to help and it's much appreciated. But, about once a month I go into a funk for a day, hide out, sleep, don't take a shower, wear pj's all day, and eat too much pasta! It's good for the soul When I win the lottery, girl, you're going to be covered!

Sonjat

after my diagnosis someone anonymously left a mason jar on my desk. it was decorated with a few drawings and the words "cancer dust". inside was purple glitter.. what???? I have no clue what the intent was but it's one of those Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm???????

Beachbum1023

Sonjat, purple glitter? Oh my, that's a dilly. I haven't heard anything like that one yet. I know just wait for it, we seem to hear it all. At least it was purple, and not pink!

I had asked my brother if his wife and 3 daughters would do a go-fund-me account when I was first diagnosed, but he said that he didn't know anything about it. Huh? They did one for my SIL nephew's family when he was killed in Afghanistan. And sold t-shirts, and did multiple fund raisers to build a memorial. Oh those are the same three nieces and my SIL that have NEVER called me once since this started last June. Oh well moving on............I'm really too tired to care about much of anything any more. Except the weight gain, that I care about. And pasta can fix just about anything!

Sonjat

maybe she should get implants, because how could anyone actually love HER and want to stay with her once her boobs hit her bellybutton, and she sure won't be able to catch another man with those tennis balls in a tube sock!