First Mammogram After Diagnosis and Treatment

Yesterday I had my first mammogram after finishing treatment. I was not prepared for how intense it would be, on so many levels. Physically, it was uncomfortable, of course. My lumpectomy was about 7 months ago and radiation ended 4 months ago. But that area is still pretty sensitive. So it was sort of unpleasant, physically. But emotionally it was far more intense than I anticipated. I found myself just trying not to cry the whole time. Sitting in the waiting area, just as I had sat some 7 months ago. Back then I was just "doing this routine thing" without any real worries that it might show cancer. Here I was sitting in the same situation, only now I am a (former?) cancer patient. It was just really overwhelming.

Up on the screen in the scanning room, I saw the films of my left breast from my mammogram last November, the one that "started it all." I asked if the tech could show me exactly what it was that triggered concern. She said she'd check to see if she was allowed to do that. (I almost lost it. IT's MY BOOB why should I not be "allowed" to see where the cancer was?!) Anyway, later she did show it to me. It didn't look like much. I feel like I am thankful that the radiologist saw it and that led to "early detection." But I have to admit that part of me almost wishes it had slid by. Maybe give me one more year without this thing hanging over my head. I know that sounds awful. But being back in that place helped me realize how carefree I felt back then.

Anyway, THEN, I found out that rather than wait the few days to get my results in the mail (as in what I used to do in the "good old days"), I would actually wait and get my results immediately. The tech said, "Leave the cape on. Just in case..." Like, in case what??? there was cancer there?? I sat in this little waiting room in my cape watching the Price is Right and wondering how the hell I got into this situation: In minutes I would find out if "they got it all" "It came back" or whatever. I was not prepared for that. Then she came in and said, "It's all fine so you can go." At the point, I was really happy but my joints are so sore from exemestane AND I had sat so long in one place waiting that I could barely get up. The tech looked at me like I was nuts.

So. Yesterday I found out that at this moment my left breast is still cancer free, 7 months post-surgery. Good job left breast! Keep it up.