From NED to Another Biospy

Well, there I was, having hair, showing NED, and starting to decompress. I had a horrible meeting with my MO who left for private practice. Unfortunately, this was the same day I was in severe pain on my spine. My ex-MO suggested I discuss it at a survivorship meeting to be held in July. By the grace of God, the nurse-practioner heard me. She makes an appointment with a new MO for the following week. These is my third MO -- I'm getting paranoid. My new MO looks like she's 15 but is brilliant. She sends me off for a MRI.

There's something on the MRI. Now I'm wanting to be told when someone will scrape my spinal bone. For two weeks I've been a total mess. This is so much more frightening than my original DX. I don't know what all this means but I've already got it that they can't just cut out bits of my spine -- it's not a MX and ALND.

I feel like I'm running in circles. I'm barely eating or sleeping. My caregiver/DP is in almost as bad shape as me.

How do I deal with this? I can't imagine any way to handle this. It took me two weeks to be able to write this: what is written seems more real than what I think.

Damn. I can't do this.

bride