Scared out of my mind!

I had immediate breast recon with diep, so I didn't wake up without breasts, but to me it did feel good to have the old breasts removed. I didn't trust them anymore. Understand that you can have recon in the future. I'm pleased with my new breasts.

Also, know that in some circumstances, you can have an mx and still need rads. If the tumor is either large,  close to the chest wall or if any nodes are positve rads will be recommended. You won't know for sure till your final pathology report 

Good luck to you.

Your feeling are par for the course and your husband can't understand what you are going through. Everyone makes their decisions based on what is important to them. I chose to have BMX because A) I never wanted to go through the fear/anxiety/anguish of not knowing again! I wanted to avoid radiation at all costs and C) I knew I'd have a better cosmetic outcome if I did both at the same time. (I had small breasts and my tumor was under the nipple...so I would have had to have good breast reconstructed to match the bad one. If I went through this I was determined to have the breasts I always wanted, not smaller breasts.)

The TE process is no walk in the park, but I didn't let it rule my life. I was still very active, working out (hard!) 5-6x/week after I healed and I still did things I loved like alpine skiing. If you are doing TEs at the time of your BMX you will likely wake up with some mounds and not totally flat. It's hard to get used to the sight, but eventually you accept it as the new normal and life resumes. It's also kind of cool watching them grow at fills and you have a better idea of the size vs direct to implant where you can be limited. I hope your husband can get on board with that. Good luck!