Scared out of my mind!

Lmonelli

My surgery is scheduled for April 29th and last night I got really freaked out. I am terribly scared of waking up without breasts. I feel I made the right decision going the masectomy route instead of radiation but that doesn't negate my fears. My husband questions whether or not I made the right decision. How can he possibly understand any of this. Please...someone tell me something positive.

debiann

I had immediate breast recon with diep, so I didn't wake up without breasts, but to me it did feel good to have the old breasts removed. I didn't trust them anymore. Understand that you can have recon in the future. I'm pleased with my new breasts.

Also, know that in some circumstances, you can have an mx and still need rads. If the tumor is either large,  close to the chest wall or if any nodes are positve rads will be recommended. You won't know for sure till your final pathology report 

Good luck to you.

Lmonelli

thanks debiann. I don't know why some women get to have immediate recon but I am having expanders first. I have to wait for recon. I was warned about these mood swings. Today isn't a good day. I've been okay up till now.

Sunflowercat

Your feeling are par for the course and your husband can't understand what you are going through. Everyone makes their decisions based on what is important to them. I chose to have BMX because A) I never wanted to go through the fear/anxiety/anguish of not knowing again! I wanted to avoid radiation at all costs and C) I knew I'd have a better cosmetic outcome if I did both at the same time. (I had small breasts and my tumor was under the nipple...so I would have had to have good breast reconstructed to match the bad one. If I went through this I was determined to have the breasts I always wanted, not smaller breasts.)

The TE process is no walk in the park, but I didn't let it rule my life. I was still very active, working out (hard!) 5-6x/week after I healed and I still did things I loved like alpine skiing. If you are doing TEs at the time of your BMX you will likely wake up with some mounds and not totally flat. It's hard to get used to the sight, but eventually you accept it as the new normal and life resumes. It's also kind of cool watching them grow at fills and you have a better idea of the size vs direct to implant where you can be limited. I hope your husband can get on board with that. Good luck!

YoungTurkNYC

Lmonelli,

I had the expanders first, and it does not feel like you wake up without breasts.  It actually kind of feels like you still have breasts, if that helps.  Of course, the reconstructed breast will not be the same as your old breast, but to me removing as much of the breast tissue as possible was much more important.

Lmonelli

thanks so much for your posts. It helps so much just knowing I am not alone. I can do this!

msphil

Here is something Positve, I was scared out of my mind as most of us here, i was in process of making wedding plans to my wonderful husband, when i found the lump, it is my second marriage, and I prayed for this man and then this, i chose mastectomy, and my Fiancee, now husband agreed that i should get the mastectomy for better chances for me. Positive is i am now a 21 yr Survivor(Praise GOD) and i kept Positive and always have HOPE.msphil(idc, stage 2, 0/3 nodes, L mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on tamoxifen)

Lmonelli

Thank you...msphil! I have good days and bad days. Found a local bc support group I look forward to going to on Monday night. I keep pushing the scary thoughts away. It works sometimes lol. Thanks again.