Diagnosed and Highly Emotional

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georgie61
georgie61 Member Posts: 95
edited April 2015 in Just Diagnosed

Wow. This all happened so fast. I have no bc in my family - had a routine mammogram 3/16 - radiologist saw the lump - did an immediate ultrasound and told me and my husband - matter of factly - he was certain it was cancer. He had no idea who I should see or where but I'd better do it. A week later I went to a better place 200 miles away where they confirmed what he said was probably correct. Nonetheless they did a biopsy. They called a few days later to confirm IDC . The tumor was between 2-5 cms and he thought he saw some suspicious lymph nodes. Now the results of the biopsy are coming through and none of it is good news. It is grade 3 - fast growing and poorly differentiated. At least 2 lymph nodes are affected. Also it came back triple negative which sounds terrible too. I am doing nothing by crying and having panic attacks. I'm 53 and have a very loving supportive family. I know this makes me lucky; but it is also a source of pain for me because I know what this is doing to them all as well, My 24 year old daughter especially, concerns me. We are very close. She still needs her mom. I have an appointment with a surgeon and an oncologist on Thursday. I am scared to death, everyone tells me to be strong. I want to scream. I think I will be able to be strong but now I am just overwhelmed. Does anyone stop to think what the last 18 days have been like? I've got so much bad news; I just want a break. I'm worried sick. I've always taken care of myself. Ate well, exercised, never smoked - so now I'm trying to figure out what I did.

I just keep thinking this is the beginning of the end - and I start hyperventilating. I do have an rx for atavan that I take when it gets real bad. Thanks for listening. It helps just to express this and to know I'm not alone - and then I feel bad that anyone reading this is going through something similar and then I feel bad for you as well and guilty that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm a mess.

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  • littleblueflowers
    littleblueflowers Member Posts: 2,000
    edited April 2015

    Georgie, I completely understand what you are going through. I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with triple negative BC and had a double mastectomy three days later. I start chemo next thursday. Please look through the triple negative threads here. There is so much helpful and positive Information. It is not a death sentence by any means. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. Hugs!

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  • georgie61
    georgie61 Member Posts: 95
    edited April 2015

    OMG. I thought things were moving fast for me. I think I would like to message you. I'm going to take a pill and try to go to bed now, but tomorrow when I'm more coherent. I'm so sorry and I think I'm just right behind you. The double mastectomy and chemo are in my very near future. Thank you so much for reaching out.

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  • littleblueflowers
    littleblueflowers Member Posts: 2,000
    edited April 2015

    Ativan helps! Don't be scared to take it! I know how bad things look, for me it's sad because I'm 34 and we were trying to start a family. Seriously, I had a tumor and two positive nodes, but after surgery my CT scan aND blood work for tumor markers came back clean! Chemo is my insurance policy! I hope you get some sleep, and again, feel free to message me!

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited April 2015

    Hey Georgie61, I am glad I dropped in here, I am triple negative also. But try to relax, and take some long slow breaths. It will slow down, you will feel better. I have already been through chemo, surgery, and radiation. I am currently "free" until the end of the month to find out just where I am right now. So no worries here, and you will have great days as well.


    I keep copies of all my reports, scans, drugs, treatments etc. I have them organized in binders and just add the new stuff as needed. I have a lot of info etc. and I find it easier to be organized from the get go. And it gives me something to do. Busy hands keeps my mind busy.


    I must say the whole process is fast and furious, but doable. I started all of this last June 9th. I'm 58 and single, and I do not have any family close by. But it has worked out pretty well. If I can help in any way please let me know. You will find the most wonderful people here, and we are here 24/7. We are never alone here, we all walk together, and I will help you any way I can. Let me know how you are :) I will put on my cancer killing butt kicking boots and stomp on over your way, anytime. Cheryl

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  • VegasNurse
    VegasNurse Member Posts: 36
    edited April 2015

    hi Georgia.....sending a gentle hug your way. I know the anxiety. breast cancer is not a death sentence it use to be. There are new drugs constantly being developed and women are living longer and longer. I personally am a 40 y/0 stage four BREAST cancer survivor. I had a 3 cm mass on my right BREAST, four lymph nodes, several lymph nodes in chest and pelvis, spine was covered in cancer and my entire pelvis. My scans are clean now. I am on effexor for the anxiety and occasional ativan. I also am part of a great support group in my community. Stay positive and strong....don't read the statistics..they are outdate

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited April 2015

    Georgie, You didn't do anything to cause this cancer. This is the worst time things get better. I was 53 when diagnosed and couldn't believe it either I was in really good shape absolutely no family history. Keep posting, I was horrified at the idea of mastectomy but my DIEP reconstruction is really good. Also I kept thinking this was the end of me I wouldn't see my sons get married and grandchildren.

    But 3 years later I'm still here and look and feel ok.

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  • georgie61
    georgie61 Member Posts: 95
    edited April 2015

    OK Beachbum. Good to hear from a fellow triple negative. I love your strong attitude. I wish I was there now; hopefully, soon. I was just thinking I should start organizing all the paper work, appointments, etc.. to make things easier. I am heading over to SLC - where I will be treated. Unfortunately, we live in a small town 220 miles away - so its going to be lots of trips back and forth. For some reason, the chemo is the thing that freaks me out the most. Any tips for dealing with it? It will be interesting to see if they use the same stuff on me as they did on you. I know things change all the time. I'm just so confused about how things are going to flow...the chemo , radiation, and surgery and reconstruction. I think its because its different for everyone.

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  • LillieRose
    LillieRose Member Posts: 112
    edited April 2015

    hi Georgie,


    I understand how you feel and I'm only 30 yrs old. Just diagnosed last week with stage ll IDC er-/pr- and most likey her 2- (still waiting for results)

    I thankfully live in boston and went to Dana Farber last week. They told me the plan is chemo, surgey, radiation. With hormone negative cancer they say chemo first is a great option. I am so scared and I have a 4 month old baby to worry about... My life was just beginning.. This cannot be the end. Stay strong... That is what I am trying to do. Let me know what they decide for your treatment plan!

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  • georgie61
    georgie61 Member Posts: 95
    edited April 2015

    Oh my goodness, LillieRose. My thoughts and prayers are with you and that sweet baby. I will definitely keep in touch. They also told me they would probably start with chemo. I will know more on Friday. I am trying to stay strong. As you probably know, its not always easy. I don't know what I want - for people to bring it up or avoid it. I went to Easter with family today and no one said a word. Even niece from out of town that I know is aware of everything. I just feel like I would like a hug now and them. ( My husband is good at hugging - so there is that) Everything is just surreal. I hope you have good support. xoxo

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited April 2015

    Geogie: I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. Be strong when you can but lean on others when you can't. It's ok. People often want you to be strong to make them feel better. Do what you need to to make YOU feel better.

    We can help you through chemo. We have support groups grouped by start month. You can find a group that starts in the same month as you and you can learn about what to expect. You will quickly depend on this grow to help you through. Do you know when you start and what your regiment will be yet? I am in the March group. I am not 3- but our group has members that are. I think you will get a lot of comfort from your group once you find one.

    Best of luck to you.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2015

    Hi Georgie, I was 53 when dx same as you. Although not triple neg, I did have 6/11 nodes + which still scares me. I too led an overall healthy life and felt like I had been targeted by the universe. Now I know it's probably some weird copy of a gene that I got that caused the disease, plus being a fall-out victim at 4 and having a adrenal tumor (benign) that caused about 7 years of flight or fight responses continually in my body before they got it figured out and took out my adrenal gland. You didn't do anything to get this. There are things you can do to keep it from returning, so let us know what your tx plans are and find a good group here that can share support.

    Hugs,

    Claire in AZ

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  • georgie61
    georgie61 Member Posts: 95
    edited April 2015

    Thank you Claire for the encouragement...it sounds like you've got a good part of this nightmare behind you, and for that I am happy for you. I will know so much more after my appt on Thursday. I noticed you had an immediate reconstruction after mastectomy...is that correct? How did that work? I've been wondering about that, as I'm sure I am destined for a double mastectomy. Somewhere I read they don't like to do that if you are getting radiation - but I see you had that too. It would be nice to wake up with something on my chest. Thanks for taking the time to reach out - I so appreciate the support of all these tough ladies.

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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited April 2015


    sweetie, i too was very emotional and very scared as was most of us here, please come here often for support and answer to lot of your questions, I had family and most of all my Faith in God to get me thru, i had my cry and then i decided to fight, I was in process of making wedding planstomy now 2nd husband wo was such a help during this time, i htought he wouldnt want to marry me since i decided to get mastectomy instead of lumpectomy, I am now a 21yr Survivor(Praise GOD), so hang in there things will get better. mspil(idc, stage2, 0/3 nodes, l mast, chemo and rads and 5 yrs on tamoxifen, and I wear a prothesis)

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited April 2015

    Hi Georgie, I just wanted to check in and see how you are. Do you have a treatment plan in place? I hope you are feeling better about all this drama, and I will lace up cancer killing butt kicking boots, just say the word when we are going to go stomping!


    I am trying to finish off all the filing, and organizing before the next round starts. Way easier to keep it going, but I got behind. Now I have binders full of "stuff". I go to the Cleveland Clinic for treatment, and I have tons of paper from every visit. But almost done.


    I started up my hobby again, making jewelry. I find it very relaxing to sort the beads and make necklaces and earrings. I think it feeds my control, and it is enjoyable. And I find that I don't need to focus on a larger project, I can pick it up for a few minutes at a time. And I feel great when I complete it. Keeps the hands busy.


    Let us know where you are now, and have a magical weekend! Cheryl

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