Gallows/Black Humor

I hear you Nel! I've got a broken big toe, and a broken little toe on the same foot (toes break so easily these days!). They hurt, but not like they would if I could fully feel them.  So - if there's anything good to say about neuropathy.....   

 I was at the dr. today for a quick zometa infusion, and was in the waiting room. Another lady there was complaining in a really crabby tone about one of the nurses who told her to have a "good day", and "how was she supposed to have a good day when she had to be there to have an infusion?!?!   I kind of said out loud behind my magazine, "Well, it's better than the alternative". My lack of filter these days kept that comment from staying in my head, and let it out of my mouth. I glanced up to see her glaring at me. Oh well. The nurse was just being nice. The crabby lady was walking upright and unassisted. She had plenty of breath to complain about the nurse who offended her by being nice to her. You usually don't have to look very far to find people worse off than you, in my humble opinion.  Now how do I go about fixing my filter?

Nel - too funny, and not funny all at the same time.  Surf - don't "fix" your filter. Nothing wrong with it.  

I think we need to take a page from Richard Feynman's book:  "What do you care what other people think?"  You can listen of YouTube.  He was a brilliant physicist with a wonderful sense of humour.  He was dealing with cancer when he wrote the book. So I've kind of subscribed to his philosophy - what do I care what other people think?  When someone "knows" what I'm thinking, they're usually about 100% wrong.  

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmbTbtWoWwY

Glad you liked the Hello Kitty / Douglas Adams headstone.  When I've mentioned it to others, they just squirm.  Pre-Stage IV dx, they would have laughed, but now it just makes them squirm. My husband finally said what he wants on his headstone:  "The End".

surfdresms,

The crabby lady will probably always be crabby. Your comment probably made her think her crabbiness was justified. Rest assured, that come what may, your life is better for your lack of crabbiness!

great response Nel. Made me chuckle..hope the foot heals quickly!!

Ah, it's been a while. For someone who spent way too many precious hours of life dealing with insurance BS last year (yes, me--what, you, too?), this is especially funny. When I think of battles, I don't think of battling cancer, I think of battling my insurance companies. (Yes, Aetna, I was just thrilled when I saw you mentioned in the piece below.) Thanks, as always to The Onion. http://www.theonion.com/articles/delighted-health-insurance-executives-gather-in-ou,35289/

Delighted Health Insurance Executives Gather In Outdoor Coliseum To Watch Patient Battle Cancer

HARTFORD, CT—Creating an electric and intimidating atmosphere with their cheers and vocal cries for blood, throngs of health insurance executives reportedly crowded into a massive outdoor coliseum on Aetna’s corporate campus Monday to watch one of their policyholders engage in a life-or-death fight against cancer.

Sources confirmed that the stone arena was filled to capacity for the highly anticipated spectacle, with over 90,000 officials attending from providers as far away as WellPoint, Kaiser Permanente, and HCSC to see if the patient could survive an intense, brutal struggle with the advanced stage III illness.

“Today we bring you one of our most thrilling challengers to date: a 57-year-old caucasian male with preexisting high blood pressure and a family history of heart disease,” said Blue Cross Blue Shield CEO Scott Serota from an extravagantly decorated box seat, his booming voice immediately silencing the raucous masses of middle-aged executives. “He holds a privately purchased Aetna PPO with a $400 monthly premium and $1,500 annual deductible, but faces the fight of his life against an aggressive form of multiple myeloma, one of the most ruthless killers known to man.”

“Bring out Aetna member #ABP80424!” Serota continued as the withered patient was wheeled into the sand-filled arena on a small gurney to loud boos and whistles. “Let the battle commence!”

According to reports, the policyholder, who was equipped with limited resources of his own during the fight, immediately faced the punishing and grave challenge of successfully submitting claims for a preliminary consultation with an out-of-network oncologist. As a slew of taunts and jeers rained down from the hordes of health insurance professionals, sources said the increasingly weary combatant suffered a crushing blow upon receiving a $60,000 bill for one week of inpatient care that exceeded his plan’s hospitalization coverage limit.

A tense hush reportedly fell over the arena moments later when a CT scan showed the cancer on the brink of remission, though the stadium soon erupted into emphatic cheers when the patient was not approved for further sessions of targeted chemotherapy that were deemed “medically unnecessary.”

“He’s putting up a pretty strong fight, but they really need to put an end to this soon—he’s starting to cost way more than he puts into his annual policy,” Humana executive vice president James E. Murray said as the patient, after making notable progress in obtaining a referral from his primary care physician, was instantly bombarded with an overwhelming barrage of indecipherable paperwork required to justify a follow-up appointment at his radiation therapy clinic. “But overall, though, it’s been an incredible show. It was especially exciting watching him try to recover after they refused to cover his doctor’s treatment program for being experimental and medically unproven. Frankly, I’m impressed that he even managed to come back from that.”

“C’mon, kill him already!” added a screaming Murray, turning his attention back to the fight. “Finish that worthless scum!”

Experts confirmed that such cancer battles—along with kidney disease battles and lengthier diabetes battles—have been held in the coliseum since its completion in the early 1960s, and have remained a popular form of entertainment among American health insurance executives ever since. However, demands for more graphic carnage have reportedly grown in recent decades, with audiences clamoring to see patients become crippled by increasing premiums and left to die as insurers purposefully delay processing authorization forms for costly surgical procedures.

The most famous of the coliseum’s challengers is said to be legendary Cigna plan member #ZH0115672, who bravely fought breast cancer for six years before finally succumbing to the disease in 2004. Sources said the 63-year-old policyholder almost incited riots in the stands after contesting a claim for post-operative mastectomy care through third-party arbitration, though the situation was fortunately defused when the arbiter sided with the health care insurers.

“Sometimes if the patient lasts long enough and things get a little too drawn-out, we’ll unleash all the exclusions and caps we secretly hid throughout the contract for the most expensive medical services,” said UnitedHealth chief financial officer David Wichmann, watching closely as the policyholder darted back and forth between specialists to repair damage from the substandard care of a recommended in-network doctor. “It’s just a little fail-safe we have in our back pocket to make sure the crowds don’t get restless. Besides, these patients know the risks when they step into the world of HMOs and high-deductible health plans.”

“Oh, he’s done for,” Wichmann added as the helpless man fell to his knees and began begging for help paying his $800 monthly prescription of generic Zometa. “This is my favorite part—where we decide his fate.”

At press time, deafening chants of “Deny! Deny! Deny!” drowned out the patient’s desperate appeals against new coinsurance charges, after which the president of Aetna reportedly smirked and slowly dragged his index finger across his throat.

Catastrophic longevity. Good grief. Sounds like insurance! So grateful for free health care here. One less battle to fight.

Good luck!

So happy to see this thread active again. If humor could be put in pill/infusion/injection form then perhaps we could study it and confirm that it has a very positive effect on slowing down or putting bc into remission.I have now eliminated the term "long term survival " from my vocabulary and replaced it with catastrophic longevity

"Catastrophic Longevity"

Inspires Stage IV levity.

I was reading a Medscape article earlier today, and it included this satirical piece from Katherine O'Brien's blog. (http://www.cancernetwork.com/blog/why-cant-every-month-be-breast-cancer-awareness-month?GUID=650FB91E-F185-45E2-AD15-2DC6CFE93EB7&XGUID=&rememberme=1&ts=02102014

Why Can’t Every Month Be Breast Cancer Awareness Month?                     

Blog | October 01, 2014 | Breast Cancer By Katherine O’Brien

 Earlier this year, a UK-based group for people with pancreatic cancer launched a print advertising campaign incorporating an audacious tagline: “I Wish I Had Breast Cancer.” At first I was shocked. But the more I thought about it, I had to agree that the grass does look greener in our glorious pink universe, especially at this time of year. Pancreatic cancer is particularly cruel—it is almost always detected at an advanced stage, with survival generally measured in months. If you read The Emperor of All Maladies, you may recall that Siddhartha Mukherjee’s book ends with a reflection on the evolution of cancer treatments, from ancient Egypt to 2050 AD. “[Now] give Atossa metastatic pancreatic cancer in 500 BC,” wrote Mukherjee. “Her prognosis is unlikely to change by more than a few months over 2,500 years.”

The median survival time for someone with metastatic breast cancer is 18 to 24 months. I suppose that is “better” than a metastatic pancreatic cancer diagnosis, but I’m not sure that makes it any easier for the patients or their families. Unlike pancreatic cancer, some breast cancers can potentially be detected early. Unfortunately, early detection is not a cure. Most of the 155,000 US people currently living with metastatic breast cancer were originally treated for early-stage breast cancer—but their cancer came back 5, 10, 15, and even 20 years later—even though many of them took excellent care of themselves and had regular mammograms and other follow-up care as their doctors directed. This is not a popular message during October, or really any of the other 11 months of the year.

But thanks to the “I Wish I Had Breast Cancer” campaign, the scales have fallen from my eyes and I am embracing my chaotic cellular activity. I am 100% “breast cancer 4 life” and let me tell you, it is fantastic! Just like people who keep their holiday decorations up year-round, I am going to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month every month. (Thankfully, I am at my treatment center every month, so it is easy to stoke the flames of my personal and perpetual Yule log of cancer awareness.)And let’s face it, breast cancer patients have the best swag. Other cancer patients may have neoplasms, tumors, or invasive tissue that just isn’t much fun to work with from a marketing or promotional perspective. We breast cancer patients have hilarious and tasteful T-shirts on which we talk about boobies (love ‘em!), ta-tas (save ‘em!), and hooters (squeeze ‘em!). My community hospital even joined the festivities with its witty campaign: Billboards invite people to call 555-THE-GIRLS to schedule a mammogram.

National and local news reporters will devote the entire month to our awesome and fun disease. Anchor teams wait all year to bust out their cute pink dresses and ties. NFL teams will temporarily suspend their uniform regulations and flaunt our girly colors. Because, as we know, breast cancer is a pep rally. Obviously the half a million people around the world who will die from metastatic breast cancer this year are Eeyore-like losers—gloomy people with weak attitudes. Yes indeed, thanks to 3 decades of breast cancer awareness, we are showing this disease who is in charge. You know what the greatest thing about having stage IV breast cancer is? Only your oncologist cares about the pesky details. As far as the general public is concerned, we all have the same disease—and it’s all good. You’ll be fine!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a magical time that brings out the child in each of us. You can keep your Santa Claus and your Tooth Fairy, I believe in the warm and fuzzy feeling of breast cancer awareness. There is nothing more heartwarming than seeing grown men wearing pink tutus or sparkly Bedazzled bras, especially when you consider how many cancer breakthroughs are directly attributable to these selfless costumes. Best of all, as if by unspoken agreement, for the past 30 years, no one has spilled the beans.

Spoiler alert: The lump of cancer in a patient’s breast won’t kill him or her.

Another spoiler alert: No one dies from early-stage breast cancer.

Still another spoiler alert: Metastasis occurs when cancerous cells travel to a vital organ and that is what kills people. (Shh! Mum’s the word.)

Too long, didn’t read: When breast cancer goes to your bones, liver, lungs, or brain, it does eventually kill you. But you didn’t hear that here. We must uphold October’s code of roses and lollipops! 

Unfortunately, I have seen families torn apart as they challenge each other by the bedside of a loved one who is dying. In the midst of slogging through the update of my advance directives and other end of life matters, I found the above column in The Onion to be funny in a sad sort of way.

Good afternoon everyone, I have decided to donate my triple negative cancer body to the Cleveland Clinic donation program to train our future Doctors and hopefully be a part of a much needed cure for triple negative BC. They will use what they need and then cremate the remains to be returned to the family or laid to rest with all of the other donations in the crypt in their Mausoleum at the Lake View Cemetery. And better yet it is all free to me. That leaves me to spend the money I have on me and not leave it for anyone That way when I check out I will hopefully do some good, and I will still be close to the Lake with a view. I told my brother I had my arrangements made, and no worries for anyone. I told him to have a party, and I will rest in peace forever. He would have to pay for the party If I plan it right, the last check I write will bounce!

I did that on purpose, I want to be close enough to haunt them for eternity!

Me too Patty!

Ed: Deleted the rest. My apologies to anyone who read it. In retrospect this was too dark for even this thread. Sorry.