Just Diagnosed / 32 yrs Young Girlfriend Facing Breast Cancer

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leafuponleaf
leafuponleaf Member Posts: 6
edited February 2015 in Just Diagnosed

Hello Everyone,

This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. My girlfriend and I are 32 year old women. We have been together a year. Within the past 30 days we both celebrated our birthdays and also, our lives altered when the doctor told us she has breast cancer. So many questions, and emotions consume us during this difficult time.

My girlfriend and I are in transitional times. We both recently moved back home with our parents. Live within an hour of one another, her in New Jersey, me in New York, although that doesn't stop me from supporting her best I can. We both left jobs we hated, and we both decided to go to Grad school and pursue our passions. She recently got accepted into school and is devastated that she will not be able to attend because of upcoming aggressive treatments. It breaks my heart.

We were lucky though in that she was able to get temporary health insurance assistance, we are going to a great cancer hospital network and her doctor is an angel. All very positive channels as we begin this journey. I am grateful for that.

The problem, her emotionally abusive parents. It guts me to witness her strife of swallowing this news with people who blame her for it. People who only think only of themselves. Her sexuality, choice in passion to be a chef, and financial situation should never be used to condemn someone facing cancer. It's insensitive, selfish and dis-compassionate to treat an only child this way. So while they prepare to retire from their government jobs, and travel they don't support her the way she needs them to. They use God as justification. Quoting that children should honor their parents only. That because they already raised her, this is her problem, and she should tend to it.

I try to be strong for her and myself. Take care of her needs and my own. I travel back and forth and provide for her and her elderly dog but it isn't enough. The emotional pain she feels of such abandonment from her family is beyond anything I can console.

So the solution is she needs to leave her parents home. It is a negative environment. Pay up a few months rent somewhere where she can be at peace, close to the hospital network. With the upcoming treatments and whatever physical and emotional affect they will have I want her to be somewhere she can heal in peace, build strength, and receive unconditional love.

Are there any financial assistance programs available for women who are in need of a place, space, apartment, to heal. Any compassionate support for lesbian women, or women of color in and around the Central New Jersey area?

I am committed to doing what I can. She an up and coming wellness chef, me, an artist with an interest in transpersonal psychology.

We are at the beginning of this journey together. I am reaching out to community when immediate family isn't available. I do the best I can but I can't hold us up alone. I would really love any advice or resources suggestions. Thank you all.

With deepest gratitude!

Kris

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  • NYinshocked
    NYinshocked Member Posts: 32
    edited February 2015

    hi kris, I was dx last month at 32, I am starting the treatment process. I live in NYC, happy to chat with you two. Lucy

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited February 2015

    Good evening Ladies, contact the American Cancer Society. They may be able to help you. They have a lot of different programs that offer assistance. How about trying personal fund raising? Many local restaurants and national chains are very generous with fund raisers. How about a trying to publish a cook book to raise funds and keep that budding chef on track. Ask at the school and see if they have any resources available. Does she really have to put class on hold for now? Many people work during treatment, school may be a calming influence and keep it normal. I would try to find some other living arrangements, toxic is just plain wrong. Have you asked for assistance through the cancer clinic or her doctors and nurses? Or perhaps another patient could use a roomie until health returns. Do you Facebook?

    I guess I would turn over every rock, open every door, there are answers out there. I know for myself that the resources are there, it's the finding them that is not easy. But I always ask my social workers, and somehow I find a way..............Good Luck!

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  • ajbenefield12
    ajbenefield12 Member Posts: 23
    edited February 2015

    Im sorry to hear about your girlfriends DX..I was just recently DX and I am 33. When I was talking with my nurse she mentioned some grants that the hospital had for paying for expenses while undergoing treatment. Things such as utility bills and maybe even a little rent. That would be a great place to start. I grew up in South Jersey but left after college so I cant help with local tings there anymore...I wish you both all the best.

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  • enlm20Erica
    enlm20Erica Member Posts: 216
    edited February 2015

    Hi guys...I too Was diagnosed at 32 last August 2014. I've been thru surgery, started reconstruction, and just finished my last round of chemo. The love and support was there from my family if I needed it but honestly with God, me and my husband took this thing head on and came out just fine. I said that to say, sometimes life is just hard on all ends but if you just see it thru til the end you find that you're actually stronger than you thought and the people you thought you would need u really didn't need them at all. Yes, it will be uncomfortable but it won't last forever..things will get better. God loves us ALL and if u just have faith He will supply every need you guys have. I was very nervous and devastated at the very thought of cancer so i know exactly how you feel. Also I did see a few financial assistance sites online, I can't remember the names just Google breast cancer financial assistance programs, you should find something. I've been thru alot with this physically mentally and emotionally any questions guys may have please feel free to ask. Just remember you CAN do this!

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  • leafuponleaf
    leafuponleaf Member Posts: 6
    edited February 2015

    Thank you for these words Erica! Your post just made me cry. I agree that family is important just like faith. We are doing this alone and just beginning this journey, trying to stay grounded. It's great to know there are other young women of color out there who can relate. This message board is the first community I have linked with. My gf is going through emotions of shame and embarrassment and doesn't want me reaching out to anyone yet. However I think in time she will open up and realize how much we need this. For now, its just me. I will certainly be in touch. :)


    Here is my blog: sweetlittlelightning.wordpress.com/

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  • leafuponleaf
    leafuponleaf Member Posts: 6
    edited February 2015

    Wow Lucy, in NY. I so so appreciate this. I started a blog to cope. This is all happening so fast! I didn't even think I would get replies. tears*tears* Thank You! We will be in touch.


    Peace and Light,

    Kristina


    Here is my blog: sweetlittlelightning.wordpress.com/

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  • leafuponleaf
    leafuponleaf Member Posts: 6
    edited February 2015

    Hi Benefield, thank for your suggestion of grants. I will look into that tomorrow thank you. She is receiving care at Robert Wood Johnson hospital. I hope it's good, I feel a little mad at myself I never pushed for a second opinion. They are expeditiously pushing her through testing and a treatment plan. If she can just be somewhere positive while she heals I will be able to sleep better. Thank you for your reply.


    Here is my blog, I hope everyone can connect online perhaps in a blog network for support. sweetlittlelightning.wordpress.com/

    Peace & Light

    Kristina

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  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 5,972
    edited February 2015

     l Iive in Central NJ, 6 years clean from my diagnosis.  I have no idea what I can do to help you but if you contact me, maybe we can figure out! I am retired so.. 

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  • leafuponleaf
    leafuponleaf Member Posts: 6
    edited February 2015

    Hi Beachbum,

    Thanks for replying! I whole-heartedly agree about doing the cookbook, however right now... she's so down and out, she isn't exactly inspired. However I know this is just the beginning and I hope she turns around. The culinary school she was accepted to was a long time coming, she received a full scholarship for and it has something to do with timing... although I hope they will give her a second chance. Your idea of fundraising with local restaurants is a great idea! and thank you for mentioning the American Cancer Society. I will look into it. Tomorrow we visit her doctor for the treatment rundown, we also need a social worker. Tomorrow I will know more. Thank you! :)


    Peace & Light*

    Kristina

    sweetlittlelightning.wordpress.com/

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  • enlm20Erica
    enlm20Erica Member Posts: 216
    edited February 2015

    Leafuponleaf... Tell her there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about... We ALL need help at some point in lives and if you never seek you'll never find! This community helped me SOOOO much I can't image doing this journey as well as I did with out God, my husband, and this site! That was All I needed and because of that I had waaay more happy days than sad. I really wish she thinks about actually coming to the site with you. It's nothing like getting advice and inspiration from those going thru what you're going thru. Also I got some info today that may be useful to you guys. She could possibly get disability while going through surgeries and treatment that could be a monthly source of income until things get better. It's worth checking into. I'm gonna check out your blog too... and Remember you're not alone!

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited February 2015

    Leaf, I hope you had a comfortable weekend and are ready to be back to business in the morning. It looks like you are finding plenty of answers and support here. A great place to be for both of you. There is no reason to be embarrassed or feel shame for having BC. I hope you have plenty of ideas to start the search for assistance. You will find so much support here, and much comfort as well.

    It is quite a whirlwind in the beginning. I keep binders to try to keep everything straight. You will have a lot of info coming at you, and this is information that you need for insurance and taxes and medical records. Best to try to organize it early.

    I hope you have a great week, and find assistance. Good Luck!

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  • bride
    bride Member Posts: 382
    edited February 2015

    Kris,

    You did a great job in finding your way to a really fine treatment center. Robert Wood Johnson is the main hospital. The general cancer center is the Steeplechase center. The team led BC center is the Sanofi center. A really good contact there is Agnes Salmon, a Breast Cancer Patient Navigator, who can be reached at 908-704-3781. She'll guide you through the process and can access all kinds of resources for both you and your gf. I'll repeat what I said in my PM. Get copies of every test, lab, report there is. Depending in the type and stage of BC your gf has, you'll have to go through lots of tests and, given Janofi's team approach, you may have meetings with a MO, RO, OS, among others. Write down questions and record the docs answers.

    I know that the beginning is the hardest part in many ways -- there's too much to do, to learn, and seemingly no way to cope with the fear and anxiety. But remember that you also need some caregiving. We're here for that.

    Please tell you your gf that there is no shame in having cancer. And though some folks say really inane things, most people respond with kindness. Whenever, if ever, she wants to post here, please let here know she's very welcome.

    Stay in touch, ok?

    bride


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