INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

I don't think it will ever be figured out. Size 8, sometimes 6, my entire life. Huge exercise nut too. Stage 4, and to advanced to do much about it. Go figure. I don't obsess about trying to find reasons or patterns. Things happen, no one gets to stay here forever.....I still have a ton of fun and will till I can't . I thought the news said, every ten years or so it's different, Lol, but I thought the most recent was.....we have no idea why people get cancer.

Our bodies are so complex and wonderful. My wish, prayer, is for the docs to figure out how to make bc patients pain free.....and functional. So many of the pain meds make people sick or sleepy. I can take any pain meds and idon't get sick or sleepy.. Why am I fortunate that my body can tolerate the drugs and others can't .

On a lighter note...her is the sweater I just finished for my daughter

They messed you up big time Sas. If I ever have to do chemo, I will hopefully remember to request yearly urine cytology tests. I probably wouldn't have long enough for bladder cancer to develop, but who knows what will happen in the next couple of years. And I do expect to have a couple of years, maybe a couple of couple of years. LOL

Let me ask you. Last night I noticed an onion smell on my hands. I had not touched onions. I washed my hands, and the onion smell was still there. So I googled it. There was information about the onion odor being an indication of cancer flare. I have also started to run a bit of a fever, just maybe a couple of times a week, lasting just a day. I read this was a sign of infection and that it could mean the cancer is in my marrow. The thing is, my PET scan came back pretty good. In fact that was confusing in that the area where I have the most pain (right front ribs) has "resolved." Very confusing. Tuesday, I get blood work; and the following week, I see the doc. There's some weird stuff going on though. I'm sure of that. Does anything jump out at you?

My goodness, my cockatiel is tweetling up a storm. Usually, he talks human or barks like a dog. I think maybe he is mimicking the parakeet. LOL. He's all wound up, and it is time to wind down. hehehehehehe I love that little guy.

dunes, my doc pretty much goes how I feel now and looks at the tests. We been together a long time now, and I always know about a few months before it shows on a test . Cancer has to,be a certain size, not sure what that is, been told, forgot...lol, before it shows up. I always joke with him about the blood tests. 3 years ago, over 30ish nodes both sides of body...blood tests were perfect. Nothing showed until we were able to actually feel them. And he also only wants one radiologist to look at my stuff. When he is on vacation he waits till,he comes back to view them. I never thought those were open to interpretation , but I guess they are complicated to read. I have always wanted to meet the radiologist. I kinda think I am in his hands. It's his deduction that has my onc making decisions on what to do next. The more I learn the more I shake my head.

Sas.....I would love to share....I try to,take just one a day...not sure why....I deal with being uncomfy cause I dont want to take to much. Gonna have a talk with onc Wednesday. I need him to say it's ok to,take what I need. Never asked before. Always afraid of addiction....but when you are terminal...why should I care lol

And I have no bad effects. I told him once how good they make me feel and the energy they give me. He said I was just like the football players....the athletes who get addicted cause they love the way it makes them feel. That's me!!!!!!! So that is why I am afraid to take to much. Sometimes I go on strike and take nothing to make sure I have no addiction . That's when my daughter says....really mom.....doing well are we.

I go ,to my internist also to manage stuff. Told her my fear of addiction . You should have seen her face when I told her...one a day.....she had that look...you are worried whyyyyyyyhhh look. Maybe I will,go,out on a limb and take two tomorrow.......

Hope you are doing well SAS. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are still in my top five, so I get you in before I fall asleep.

Boy I am long winded tonight....sorry folks

Nighty night

Susan3 wish I had your internist! The sweater is lovely so pretty.

You know what will make your insomnia worse? Seeing your Mom after 2 1/2 years and watching a vibrant funny strong woman become an entirely different person, flat affect, withdrawn, not communicative and looking utterly different. That will mess up your day and leave you wondering. Dementia sucks. We did have a nice dinner out and she seemed to enjoy it. The Mother I knew and remembered is gone. sigh...

Anyway, sorry for all your troubles Sass. Hope things are improving for ya'll.

Susan, my onc immediately gave my oxycontin and oxycodone. I am to to take 1 oxycontin twice a day, and she was not happy when I reported that I was not always taking both of them. So, I do as she says now. The pain is there and the pill helps. Apparently it is a long-acting drug, which is why it is only taken twice a day. The oxycodone is for breakthrough pain. I wasn't using them, but have gradually worked up to actually using 6 of them a day. Then the new onc gave me lidoderm patches, and since I do have a particularly painful area, I can wear that patch and not have to take the oxycodone. If you can point to a place that hurts, the lidoderm patches are a great idea. They are not a narcotic. You wear it for 12 hours, then remove it. Then wait 12 hours to place a new one.

Now I have to find a psychiatrist who is not going to be such a jerk about xanax. I've been taking them since around 1985. It helps me in so many ways. Now they are all uptight about it. When I first got the cancer, in 2012, I increased my dose for a short time. Then went back to my regular dose. Anyway, this lady I am seeing is really lousy. I'm going to ask the social worker who is part of my "team" to make some recommendations. Hopefully, I will get one that realizes that now is not a particularly good time to take it away from me. This is a major concern for me.

I think I am starting to get sleepy, so I will give it a try. Tomorrow is "Positive Monday" for those who are participating, so I can't do any complaining starting in 3 more minutes. Yep. Better get to sleep.

Love y'all.

Chevy, your "noodleburgers" is what my family calls either "Hot Dish" (mom and daddy's side of the family) or "American Chop Suey" (stepdad's).

All ready for that blizzard to come drop snow on us.

180??????????? You say go back to page 180?????????? Do you know where we are NOW? I mean WTH! STFU! and stuff. Maybe later when I'm not so busy here, sittin' and talking to you all.

No Sass, but once I got out of bed, and there was a wall! Ha, ha! I thought I was trapped! I stood there for a moment, trying to collect my senses... and there WERE none!

So now we have to think about our "obesity" and cancer? But even trim athletes get it... I can't think of his name... the bike guy?

MY theory is, when something goes wrong, it is because it just does.

Things happen to us, like falls, or illnesses, or even the growing up things, and even the things we take, COULD have a lasting impression on us for the rest of our lives.

Like when I fell in the ditch on that broken brown Clorox bottle.. Or me and my Brother smoking that long brown dried up weed we yanked up in that field.. Or EVEN when they threw me, I mean dropped me on my head when I was taking acrobats.

See those things could have traumatized "things" in side, and at the right time, they decided to become apparent, and raise all kinds of havoc & cause PROBLEMS.

So what was it you were saying? Guess we got THAT all straightened out.

Susan! Holy Cow young lady! That is BEAUTIFUL! I don't know how you guys do it... I mean knit and crochet things that LOOK like something! I am really good at scarves, pot holders, etc. Things that don't take counting and thinking!

No Sass...... no more drugs for you.... That's IT! Pretty soon you are going to be limited... like they do in "those" places. Theresa and Eddy do NOT get any drugs in their rooms! Hah! I mean not even ASPIRIN! Their drugs are doled out at breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Can't even enjoy a joint for God's sakes! Those care-takers are worse than the Mafia... I mean what fun can they HAVE!

DUNES! No more smoking weed! Onions you say? I remember one time I was taking Tetracycline for something, and the whole world smelled and tasted like garlic!

Wouldn't it be funny, if there WERE something going on with you, and it was the onion smell that brought it to your attention? You must be eating or drinking something with the characteristics of onion. That's all I can figure out..

We need Cammi for this one... Like she would know....

Geez, I miss her... wish we could help....

Oh, so SASS! You can't DO anything when DBBBFFFFFFFis home? Hah! You can't cook and talk at the same time? Or anything?

NOOOOOOOOO Susan, don't go sharing nothing with her! See, that is the problem!

You gals are just too sweet and caring, and treat us all like we know what we are doing... but we don't....!

Yes Smarty... You and me are smart! It is, what it is.

Oh man Rosie... I'm sorry... I know... It's just that you haven't been around her to see this coming on slowly.

It really hurts... I was with my Grandma, when this was happening to her. And all you can do is be there... It's like you are on this train-ride with her, and you just have to hang on, and go along with it...

Because there is nothing you can do, except be there for her.. and go along with what she says and does..

Is someone with her? I mean she isn't alone is she? Some of her days will be better, but some are just "empty".....

I hope you get your pain meds straightened out Dunes... It's like we KNOW what works for us, just finding someone to help us out, is the problem!

Morning Wren and Mom2! Yes, the Noodleburgers were good...Ha! Stay warm! I hear about that Blizzard headed your way!

xoxoxoxo

Oooooh. The snow is falling in Reisterstown, MD. It's pretty fine stuff, and that's the stuff that can do the real dumping. Mom is worried as she is 24 hours away from boarding her plane to Florida. I just printed her boarding pass. PARTY!!!!!!

My uncle, in Orlando, says it's only - ONLY - going to be 64. Gee, that's too bad.

Chevy, you are wonderful nut!

And soon, spooks will take a picture of her thermometer.... Anyone want to bet?

Enerva...my tumor did not appear to be effected much by chemo either. I did have an ultrasound half way through chemo but it was too large to measure by US. The tumor was not visible on mammo or MRI. I wonder if chemo will be very effective in my future.

Dunes,

I have relatives in Westminster, MD! 

No snow here yet, expecting it by this afternoon. I said I wanted snow, but not as much as we are going to be hit with! Mother Nature must be off her meds again   lol.

http://www.wimp.com/christianlion/

Ah geez Spookie... You didn't disappoint me! xoxoxo

"FEELS like 62.6!" Oh sure... rub it in.

Waiting to see if the governor shuts the state down because of the storm. Hoping hubby gets out early today ahead of the storm.