Not good at this waiting

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greenae
greenae Member Posts: 540
edited January 2015 in Waiting for Test Results

Hi . I am brand new to this. Had a mammo showing focal asymmetry 2 weeks ago, a diagnostic mammo and US 4 days after that-showing an irregular nodule on the US. Radiologist pretty sure it looked malignant. I had a core biopsy yesterday, and a marker placed...and again, the same radiologist thinks it's malignant. The biopsy went smoothly and was painless...and I truly trust and like the radiologist...she was gentle and caring, and I feel fine today. BUT, I CANNOT shake the anxiety of waiting for the phone call. I am preparing myself...but I still think it will feel like a punch in my gut. Trying to stay busy and strong...is it wrong for me to feel I need something to lessen this anxiety. I can't seem to eat or sleep. Going through these days like a robot.

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  • tanyah
    tanyah Member Posts: 23
    edited January 2015

    Hi Greenae, sorry you are here.  This is totally normal.  I lived on Tums only for the 5 days between biopsy and diagnosis.  When the diagnosis finally came, I was actually relieved to move on to treatment.  It will get better.  This is the hardest part. 

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thank you, Tanyah. I agree. I just want the phone call so I can begin the planning and take action. My bad news came on the anniversary of the death of my daughter and I just want January to be over. One minute I am fine and the next, the butterflies and anxiety stop me cold. I think I am a strong person...but this not knowing when I will know whatt I have is driving me nuts. Thanks for listening and answering. :)

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  • Nash54
    Nash54 Member Posts: 837
    edited January 2015

    greenae....so sorry about your Dx and your daughter. Waiting is definitely the hardest part. Once we know what we are dealing with then we can get on with a plan. In the beginning I didn't know enough to be concerned. I never thought I would have BC. After dx I asked for something to deal with the nerves and help me sleep. I was prescribed Xanax and it really helped me get thru this mess.

    Coming on these boards was the other thing that helped me too. Great women here with great advice.

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    hi nash. Thank you. I hope you are doing well. My primary( a new one) gave me Ativan 0.5mg to take before the core biopsy, and it certainly helped. I guess i feel less strong asking for a prescription. When my daughter died (she was 11), I refused any meds. I didnt want to be fuzzy or forget. But right now, i think i would like to feel a lil fuzzy. ;) maybe I will ask my doc for an Rx. Was kind of hoping she would have offered. I would think we all need some help during this waiting game. I am trying to put up a good front at work and at home, but inside I feel a bit crazy

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  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 3,044
    edited January 2015

    greenae.. Hang in there.. The waiting is the pits... Hopefully you will receive B9 results , but if you don't things start to move quickly.. Once you get a trearment plan it helps to make you feel more in control of the situation.. So sorry to hear about your daughter.. Then to have this worry going on as well...is just too much. (( Hugs))


    .


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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thank you, Lucy. I am feeling better already, knowing there are so many women on here who understand. I am already thinking ahead, as I am pretty sure my mass is not benign. I am getting the results from the radiologist, and the surgeon I want to see will not give an appt til the biopsy report is completed. My gyn would not give me the referral for the biopsy, and my primary is brand new to me, so I kinda feel like I don't have a doc I can talk with. So I may be doing too much talking here. Lol. Thanks for listening. :

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2015

    Hi Greenae, Welcome to BCO!

    You've come to the right place for answers and support.

    We're hoping for a benign result for you!!!

    Keep us updated

    The mods


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  • Trstra
    Trstra Member Posts: 4
    edited January 2015

    I'm waiting too. I get my results today. Sigh.

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  • Nash54
    Nash54 Member Posts: 837
    edited January 2015

    Trstra...praying for good results.

    (((hugs)))

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thoughts and prayers for u, Trstra. If I don't hear today, am supposed to call radiologist tomorro. So 😁 gritting teeth and trying to concentrate at work.

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  • Hildy910
    Hildy910 Member Posts: 319
    edited January 2015

    Just wanted to send warm vibes your way during the limbo period. I am now three years from diagnosis, and still remember that week of waiting. It's a very difficult thing to have to go about your daily lives with this giant question mark hanging over your head. Best wishes for benign results....

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  • Professor50
    Professor50 Member Posts: 220
    edited January 2015

    I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know it sounds like a cliche but waiting really is the hardest. Once I got some actual solid information (even if the news was bad) it was better. And then there was more waiting. But once I got a plan in place I found that I was able to breathe again. You will be on the other side of this holding pattern soon. Do whatever you can to make it easy on yourself . And I hope you get very good news.

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  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 3,044
    edited January 2015

    Tristra and greenae.. Thinking of you both , and sending prayers.. Just know that whatever happens that you can DO this.. I am less than 5 months out.. But my life is returning to normal.. When I was diagnosed In thought it was the END of me ever enjoying anything again.. But that's not whats happened.. Life is good again. 😃


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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thank you for the good thoughts and advice. The radiology nurse called to check on me, and hinted that the radiologist would be calling this evening. No call and it's almost 8:30p. Am giving up on an answer tonight. Going to try to do something constructive/productive...Thank you, all!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2015

    Try to get some rest, Greenae. Please keep us posted when you hear, hoping for benign results for you!

    The Mods

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  • grackle
    grackle Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2015

    Hello, Greenae, I am currently waiting for results, too, and my heart goes out to you. Over the course of the past two weeks from callback to biopsy I have gone from terrible despair to great hopefulness so yes, you will roller-coaster emotionally (and I am so sorry that you have this on top of the loss of a child, a terrible emotional journey of its own). You wonder how you don't crack in two under the weight of it all. Like you, I am finding sleeping hard--don't hesitate to ask doc for something to help, mine actually offered to assist me with meds if I felt it necessary. (Fortunately, just taking Benadryl before bed has helped me sleep.)

    This sounds shallow--because I am likewise obsessing over the results and wake up at night with my heart pounding--but we all find something to help distract us, and for me it's watching a really funny movie at night with my husband and having a glass of red wine. For that hour and a half I actually don't think about it and even laugh uproariously. I'm not saying "oh just do this and all will be dandy" but for now this is the Band-Aid over the pain of waiting for me.

    Blessings to you and hoping for you.

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thank you, Grackle, and all of you. Looks like I will be spending a lot more time on here, as I just received my Left Breast Core Biopsy results. 8mm mass, IDC, moderately differentiated. I will meet my breast doc in 13 days. My next dread is the recommended bilateral breast MRI. I had a neck MRI last year, and freaked and tried to crawl out of the machine. Pretty funny, huh? I should be afraid of the MRI results, and I am more afraid of having to have the MRI. I have to draw on some strength from within, I guess? My friends and family think I am tough, but I am feeling a little wimpy right now. I've only told 2 friends and one sister. My husband is golfing in Florida...I may hold off another day before I tell him. And I really don't want to tell my adult sons or Mom. maybe I'll wait til after I see the doc.

    So, I guess it's time to switch to another discussion thread? Thank you for talking me through these last few days. I know I will gain knowledge and strength from all of you. I am so glad you are all here.

    Grackle and Trstra, I hope you get good news...my prayers are with you.

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  • Lucy55
    Lucy55 Member Posts: 3,044
    edited January 2015

    greanae.. Although you didn't get the B9 results we were hoping for , you stats so for sound VERY good.. 8mm is very small, and very treatable. and it is not very aggressive either !!

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    THANK YOU, LUCY! I so hope you are right...just hope I don't scare the MRI tech. lol


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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited January 2015

    Greenae, you lie on your stomach for a breast MRI, so I have no sensation of being closed in

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Hi Melissa

    I know I am being irrational, but when I went for the neck MRI I opened my eyes and freaked at being in that enclosed space. They slid me out after I tried to climb out, and I was quite embarrassed. I managed to get through it, but heart pounding the whole time. I think I am just focusing on that so I can push back all the other fears that are now climbing to the surface. My biopsy results haven't really sunken in yet.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2015

    Greenae-

    We're so sorry about your results, we know how hard it is to get the news. You're surrounded by supportive friends here, please keep us updated on your journey.

    The Mods

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thanks, Mods. Am trying to stay strong.


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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2015

    Greenae, we have some great resources we've compiled for the recently diagnosed in our Just Diagnosed forum, you can find them here: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topic/820075?page=1#idx_1.

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  • kris1114
    kris1114 Member Posts: 82
    edited January 2015

    I had a breast MRI and I am anxiety ridden in small spaces. Ask you doctor for anxiety meds. I really wasn't that bad. You are on your tummy face in a pillow. The position you are being held in is the worst part especially if you are prone to back pain. They compress your breasts, but lightly. Not like the diagnostic mammogram. It took for me a little over an hour. I asked for headphones. Granted it was Christmas time when I had mine so I was listening to loud annoying Christmas music but I asked for the headphones for the following reason.

    When you are in the MRI, you lose track of time and that is what drives me the most insane. So, I figure the average song is 3-4 minutes. They told me it would be about 1 hour and 15 minutes which it was. So even though the MRI was loud and I wasn't listening to the music to enjoy it, it helped me judge time by counting the amount of songs I had heard.

    Hope this helps.

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  • kris1114
    kris1114 Member Posts: 82
    edited January 2015

    Also, the MRI is very important in the diagnostic process. It is so much more sensitive than mammo and ultrasound. Before the MRI, the ulrasound guided core biopsy showed a total of 2.7cm tumor. Well, the MRI showed much more diffuse.

    I ended up with a very large amount of in situ mixed in there with the invasive and it measured 8.6cm.

    I had the mastectomy on Dec.30th and the MRI was exactly correct.

    Kristin

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Hi Kris thank u for the advice. An hour an a half sounds like forever, so I will take u up on the counting songs trick. I am very afraid of what it will find, as well. My mass is small, but i dont know if any of this IDC is elsewhere. I am really trying to control the anxiety. I am sorry your MRI showed so much more. I hope you are recovering quickly, and I thank you so much for your advice

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  • tanyah
    tanyah Member Posts: 23
    edited January 2015

    Hi Greenae, I understand your anxiety about telling others.  My Mom is a 2 x breast cancer survivor and I knew her biggest fear after 28 yrs of being cancer free was for her 3 daughters.  While I was having the biopsy done, the tech and radiologist were behaving such that I was 95% certain of the results when I walked out of there.  And I remember telling the tech that my biggest fear was telling my Mom.  Everyone I told assured me that she was stronger than I was giving her credit for...and they were right!  She has been my greatest support.  I then struggled with how public I wanted to go.  In the end, I wrote a long Facebook post and decided I wanted everyone to know, even if just to raise awareness and make sure anyone overdue on their mammograms would go.  I have found I made the exactly right decision.  The support has been amazing and avoided having the same conversation repeatedly (which I found got me pretty down by the end of the day).   

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  • kris1114
    kris1114 Member Posts: 82
    edited January 2015

    Remember also, that MRI's are a both a blessing and a curse. They often throw up a red flag over EVERTHING. They are so so sensitive. So it can be a godsend like in my case as they rushed me into surgery, but also they scare the poop out of everyone with every little tiny thing showing up on the pictures.

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  • grackle
    grackle Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2015

    Greenae, I second the notion of getting anxiety meds to help you cope with the MRI. Not sure if a different facility will do it as opposed to your neck one...I know some MRI machines are quite "open" nowadays. My very elderly mom who is quite claustrophic and prone to panic went for a head MRI last year and I was amazed, she sailed through it and even thought it was fun. They can also play calming music for you. Good luck.

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