Taking control of anxiety

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Runner2014
Runner2014 Member Posts: 12
edited December 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi, I'm new to posting on the site, I've been reading it for a while and have found lots of reassuring and similar stories.

I was diagnosed in Feb this year, I didn't find any lump I just had a dull ache under my arm. I never go to the doctors but something just felt wrong, so I went. Surprised to discover it was grade 3, 4.5mm growth in 4 nods...... I have then have been through a masectomy, 6 chemo's, 3 weeks of rads. I've had two MRI scans to keep an eye on a cyst on my ovary and a legion on my liver, both don't seem to be worrying my doctors. But scare me. I've got my 3rd bone scan tomorrow as I have a legion on my chest bone, they seem to think it might be an old sports injury but need to keep checking it for growth/ activity.

It's been two months since radio ended so it's all very raw, I bounce between feeling ok - anxious - being scared of it coming back - overwhelmed.

Does it get better after time, some days when your in this journey it feels exhausting? I'm longing for my old life back when I worried about day to day things. I have a 3 and 8 year old to bring up and I just want someone to say I'm ok for 10 years. My doctor is positive and given me a 85% chance, the cancer stats are 60% chance in 5 years, 40% in 10 years. Everyone keeps saying I'm lucky, I've been given a green card, I'm going to be monitored for life, but it feels like I'm far from that. How do you manage your anxiety and emotions and make sure that life day by day is less scary?

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  • Skoolgirljen
    Skoolgirljen Member Posts: 28
    edited November 2014

    I'm feeling the same way, so I'll be following your thread

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  • mrenee68
    mrenee68 Member Posts: 383
    edited November 2014

    All I can say is try and take it one day at a time, maybe even one hour, one minute, one second. As time goes by things do settle down a bit, but this will never completely go away. This is your new normal, doctors appointments, scans,so on and so forth. Try not to think too far into the future, try and focus on the here and now. Maybe find a support group in your area, or a counselor that specializes in cancer. Continue reading and posting here on BCO, there are some really great women here that are always available to listen and give support. Take care!

    Michele

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  • hopedreams
    hopedreams Member Posts: 85
    edited November 2014

    I agree with MRenee... cancer takes on a life of its own.. I have been thru breast cancer and also 2 other cancers NOT related to the b/c ** Life changes.. dr. appts.. tests.. etc.. on & on..but after the "newness is over" It does get easier.. some days I still ge a lot of anxiety ..but if it gets very bad..then i have anxiety med to take.. I am now over 3 yrs since my mastectomy and breast reconstruction.. NORMAL to get stressed before mammo ..now I only go 1 time a yr..*** Runner U are lucky to still have young kids..they can be a great distraction..and fun also.. take good care.. of U..and try not to worry too much.. life goes on.. but just a bit different than before "C" Hugs ~ Hope

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  • Skoolgirljen
    Skoolgirljen Member Posts: 28
    edited November 2014

    Thank you, Michele and hopedreams. Your kind words really do help :)

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  • Runner2014
    Runner2014 Member Posts: 12
    edited November 2014

    Thanks for your advice, very helpful.

    Had my bone scan and liver scan results yesterday and both lesions are ok / not areas to be concerned about. Hurrah! I, getting scanned in six months as a check point, but looking good. The breast cancer hasn't effected theses main areas. Hopefully this will continue.

    Your right, my young kids are a massive distraction and they keep me Grounded . I've also acknowledged this week I need counselling so Im going on Thursday to see a lady who can hopefully help me with my anxiety. It's somedays a dark path to follow especially when everyone expects you just to move on..... This forum helps me to understand that I'm not alone in my thought process, it's just part of the healing jouney :)

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  • WinningSoFar
    WinningSoFar Member Posts: 951
    edited November 2014

    I don't think that 'just moving on' is what happens to most of us. My pre-cancer life is over, and was over in 1999 when I had my first bout. Now, I live a post-cancer life which requires me to acknowledge my vulnerability to disease. That was the hardest part to give up--the delusion that I'd be the ONE who'd live forever and forever young.

    Now, I have doctor appointments nearly every week for something or other and I know every doctor's office staff and they know me. I've decided to just try to enjoy it as they are all new friends. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be good.

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  • tgtg
    tgtg Member Posts: 266
    edited November 2014

    Maybe this wisdom from very long ago might help put things in perspective. Lao Tzu wrote, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

    Granted, Lao Tzu was not a breast cancer patient who often lives with physical pain during treatment, but he was still onto something. Dwelling on the past is counterproductive, and worrying about what may (or may not) happen in the future adds needless stress to our present lives. But living in the present, (and indeed for some just plain living, despite the pain and discomfort of curative treatment) is a gift that gives peace--and even happiness.

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  • Lucca06
    Lucca06 Member Posts: 69
    edited November 2014

    Hi Runner2014, I'm 3 1/2 years out from diagnosis stage 3, 9 positive nodes and despite it all in the best place I've probably be in my whole life. I never thought I could possibly feel like this when I was in the depths 3 years ago but at my lowest point after my mastectomy (I have neo-adjuvant chemo) I made a decision - that however long my life was going to be 3 weeks, 3 years, 30 years I couldn't live it feeling like that every day. I knew something how to change but I honestly didn't know what they meant or looked like! I took little steps joined a yoga class, ate well, tried to enjoy the little things and stay in the moment and I also started counselling which was a huge help.

    Gradually as I felt more in control, the anxiety (which I suffered from my whole life) eased and I started to feel happy and the fear receded. I still have my moments but am able to feel it and then move on. I truly just try to enjoy each day for what it is and feel so grateful for each one that I have good or bad!

    I have 2 little children too of 5 and 7 and they have been my absolute joy and a huge part of why I knew I needed to get myself to a good place.

    One other bit of advice that I was given is to be kind to your self. This is a huge, huge thing and it takes time to get back to a good place on every level after it, physically, emotionally and mentally.

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  • Runner2014
    Runner2014 Member Posts: 12
    edited November 2014

    Your both so right. Being kind to yourself and living in the moment is so fundamental. I've forgotten how to do these most important thing :)

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  • Shellies
    Shellies Member Posts: 55
    edited November 2014

    I am 3 years out (yesterday!), but am right now dealing with the worst bouts of paranoia in a really long time!  I find when I hear of others diagnosed with cancer, it throws me into a gigantic freak out!  Then I hit the Internet and convince myself I have hair follicle cancer or something for a few days until that paranoia is proven wrong, or I until I obsess about a new form of cancer! 

    It's exhausting!

    My counselor reminds me to take 5 minutes and do conscious breathing when this happens. 

    ...perhaps if I was breathing in some sort of banned substance, deep breathing would be more effective...       ;) 

    <insert primal scream>

    SO FRICKIN' SICK OF THIS!!!     


     

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  • formydaughter
    formydaughter Member Posts: 213
    edited December 2014

    great words of wisdom here. Sorry others have anxiety, but selfishly glad it's not just me. Originally I lived for my daughter (she's 9). That helps a lot. But this fall it became not enough. I was beginning to feel like I had the best part of my life behind me and was resigning myself to thinking it would be ok if that was it, so I didn't have to suffer anymore. I felt like my compromised health was not giving her the good memories I wished for, so maybe she'd be better off with my mom. (I don't really think that's true - I was having a moment though.)

    I decided to try a yoga class. I said I'd go once. That much I could talk myself into attempting. Best thing so far. It helps me to focus on the moment, rather than the past or future. I had been getting so stiff from treatments. And then there's the neoropathy and fire bra..,. Yoga helped. Apart from the physical, I was really surprised by the mental benefit. It has been the biggest benefit for me.

    I'm still depending on Ativan, citalipram, Lunesta and occasional Percocet. Sometimes even Ativan to be able to get to yoga... And I've found a green drink that doesn't taste so bad (I'm really sick of kale at this point). Bolt house Green Goodness. It's actually sweet. And for some reason it helps with my anxiety. I have one to calm myself down and imagine that it is infusing me with sunshine and goodness and cancer killing energy. Sounds silly, but I'm grasping at any little thing these days.

    Finally, singing in the car. I'm terrible . I butcher the words and sing way off tune. But it brings humor, brings me back from starting a panic attack and keeps me in the moment. My daughter thinks it's hysterical - as long as we are in private.

    I hope you can find a few tricks of your own.

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