No more tears

Welcome to the club that no one wants to be in. I am glad that you found this site, it is full of wonderful ladies that can help you through this. You are in the first stages of this when everything is new and scary and you don't have all the answers. Hopefully soon you will be able to get  answers about the type of cancer you have, which will help to determine the treatments that you will receive. Don't assume that you are going to die, there are many women who have been where you are and have gone on to live very full and long lives after treatment. Keep us posted, there are many here to help you through this!

I am so sorry that you have to join us and also that you have already been through so much sadness at your school but you will find wonderful support here. Please do not assume that you are going to die. Soon you will get more details and with that a treatment plan, a plan of attack. Many ladies find that things become less scary once that is in place and you can move forward with treatment and as Bren says many women do very well and will live long and healthy lives. 

Its a bit quiet on the weekends but I am sure other ladies will also chime in to offer support and advice and there is a wealth of information on this site.

Hang in there. Its an emotional time and we all have a cry from time to time. Sometimes it just sneaks up on us. I just want to send you hugs and good thoughts. Keep us posted!

Iloveteaching, I remember the first days when I cried so hard that I knew I'd have to stop or I'd throw up, sobbing on my way to work & having to slap myself in the face to get myself under control before I got out of the car. It is brutal. As others have said, those days are the worst; once you find out what exactly you're dealing with and you get a plan in place....then it gets better because you just buckle down and do it.

I can tell you that you won't die from BC this year, probably not next year, and hopefully not ever. There are very specific treatments for each different types of BC that can either cure you or extend a good quality of life for a long time. So, that is something to hang onto during these dark days.

I am a teacher too (middle school). Two good teacher friends were diagnosed in the 6 months before I was, and another good teacher friend was diagnosed a year later. So, from our experiences, I do have some specific 'teacher' advice:

* We all had lumpectomies and were back to work after a week (of course, if you choose or need to have a mastectomy your recovery time will be much longer).

* One lady was lucky enough to go right to radiation. She'd have it early in the morning & didn't miss any school at all from radiation. (I was 'lucky' and did radiation in the summer, but could have definitely taught during it).

* the other three of us had chemo. It is just a crap shot on how you'd do with that. One lady was pretty much knocked out, the next worked part time, and I was lucky enough to work through it (I'd have the infusions on Friday, feel rotten on the weekends & be back to work on Monday). If you need chemo, and want to try to keep working; I'd do it dose dense with the Neulasta shots (the shots kick your white blood cells into production so that you don't have to worry about germs etc.).

* I kept the principal in the loop, explained that I would be there if at all possible but wouldn't be on any committees, maybe skip some of the after school meetings etc. (I only missed one or two anyway....should have missed more while I had the chance!).

* with my principal's permission, I would occasionally e-mail an update the rest of the staff about what was going on, and I accepted any help offered (my staff did a sign up & brought us meals a couple times a week, which was GREAT), but other than that I didn't talk about it. If people asked me how I was doing I would say 'I'm hanging in there' and change the subject, ask them about their kids, their weekend, whatever.....I wanted them to think of me and treat me as ME, and to do so I had to give them the permission to talk about 'normal' things.

* as for the kids; I told them what I had, a brief summary of what I'd be doing, "I will be having surgery & be out a week. I will missed a day now and then for appointments." (At middle school, I didn't think I needed to talk specifics), and I emphasized that I'd be okay.....and then we just went about our days. I felt I could be an example of how to handle difficult situations with grace (as difficult times will happen to everyone). Kids are pretty self-centered; so if you act 'normal', they will treat you normally too.

* My teacher friends who did chemo & I all wore wigs. We felt that teenagers would be freaked out by bald lady teachers & the focus should, of course, be education, not us.

Best of luck. Let me know if there are any questions I can help you with.

I work with college students and when I was dx was doing projects that did not have me working too closely with them-so it was primarily the myriad of colleagues-- and I decided early to keep the circle small so that work could be a place where I could go and focus on other things.  I had my lumpectomy during the Thanksgiving week, so no one noticed--- then, like Ruth, chemo on Friday- but I sometimes could not get back into the office until Tuesday or Wednesday, but because of the project nature of the work at that time, I could do alot from home.   Wore a wig-- just really did not want to talk about it much-- when radiation was over, I started to tell people--- I had some long time colleagues that I did not tell... so many were shocked when I finally did tell them.  

There were/are a number of people in my division who have gone through this or something like it--everyone manages differently--I just had to listen to my instincts--- I had young children and we decided not to say anything to the school and just see how it went. Thankfully I tolerated everything fairly well-- it was the dead of winter and also during the financial crisis--events were cancelled (all institutional/corporate xmas parties were cancelled so I did not have to be social-it was a true gift).  I felt really lucky about all of that.... so I could burrow on my couch by the fire and do nothing.... in retrospect, it was great!!!

Life is back to its crazy normal again--yours will be too..... hang in there...