I need to vent

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dani_katze141914
dani_katze141914 Member Posts: 50
edited November 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi,

I'm lately feeling overwhelmed... all my life (before breast cancer) I've being struggling with depression, specially after thyroid cancer (on 1992). But I've been feeling so depressed these last months that I think that it's probably due  tamoxifen, which I take since 2011. My doc said I have to continue with the drug, but I wonder if it is worth the sadness, depression that I've been feeling.. I deal with my solitude, but I think that tamox makes my life worse.. also menstruation have been prolonged... can't sleep well and don't want to eat sometimes. 

I know that maybe giving up tamox it is too risky... but I need to vent, to talk to someone... it's so hard that friends and family understand... when I feel sad, friends say cheer up! If I wouldn't do it! So, normally I keep my feeling by myself... I work, I make excercise, I eat the healthies way I can, I meet with friends all the time, I do volunteer work... I do all I can, it's just that sometimes I would like to give up...

Thanks for reading me.

Dani

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited October 2014

    Dani,

    Gentle hugs coming your way.  I think it is so difficult to manage the benefits of treatment with the se's.  You are not alone in this struggle.  I what would be considered minimal se's but would love to quit treatment and just feel like myself again.  The potential outcome is not something I am ready to deal with either.  So on we trudge.   It sounds like you are doing all the things that you should to keep moving forward. Some days are better than others, give yourself time to feel the feelings and then keep doing what you are doing.

    I am sure others may have better advice - know you can share here anytimeand you will be understood.

    Be well

    Nel 

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  • linda505
    linda505 Member Posts: 847
    edited October 2014

    Dani - depression is a hard thing to deal with no matter what is causing it.  I would talk to your oncologist about this - maybe he can prescribe something to help or maybe change you from the tamox to one of the other AI and see if that helps - if you are still pre- menopausal you would also have to do something to suppress your ovaries but no matter it is worth a discussion with your doctor.  

    It is hard to explain to people that haven't gone through this that cheering up is sometimes not possible.  And it is ok to be sad sometimes - we have reasons to be sad and sometimes we just need to cry.  Just so you know - crying can be good for you - it releases endorphins which actually help to make you feel better.

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  • dani_katze141914
    dani_katze141914 Member Posts: 50
    edited October 2014

    Thank both of you for your kind words... you make me cry, of comfort of course... feeling that I am not alone makes me feel better. Thank you! 

    Hugs,

    Dani

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  • BayouBabe
    BayouBabe Member Posts: 2,221
    edited October 2014

    Dani - I found this a while back.  Might have even found it here.  I now have it posted by my desk at work.  Helps me get through the sad times.  Worth a read.

    www.cancerlynx.com/sadness

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  • ILCMom
    ILCMom Member Posts: 18
    edited October 2014

    I am sorry you feel so down.  I would also suggest seeing if you can get a referral for a psychologist who deals with cancer patients.  My therapist - we are on a break although I think I may call him soon - has someone he works with who specifically does work with cancer patients.  Exercise is a cheap drug to improve mood - but tough when you feel so low. I am in your boat too - sick of being told to cheer up and not be mad. I think also tell your oncologist how you are struggling with the depression - we heal the body but the mind can take a while and is not helped by all the side effects.  Hang in there!  I try to find one good thing a day - even on a day like today where I am miserable from chemo.  My good thing today is that I hope you found some love here today.

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  • Blessings2011
    Blessings2011 Member Posts: 4,276
    edited October 2014

    Dani - Gentle hugs coming your way!

    I agree with all the ladies who have already posted.

    Depression is a horrible thing that sneaks up on you and paralyzes you. I know. I didn't have Tamoxifen, but I did have Arimidex, and that was one of my side effects.

    I waited WAY too long to tell my MO. I didn't want to be a weenie. When I finally did go to see her, she was horrified I'd waited so long. She told me "You're NOT a weenie! We KNOW it's the drug!" and promptly gave me a two-month drug holiday, then changed me to a different drug.

    Many women find that an anti-depressant works very well, but my PERSONAL bias is that drugs work best in conjunction with talk therapy. 

    We just need a safe, unbiased outlet to get those feelings out.... we need to be able to vent without being judged, or told what to do.

    I was referred to a wonderful therapist who specializes in cancer patients. It was truly a lifesaver for me.

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited October 2014

    I take 20mg of Paxil with exemestane seems to help

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  • Rosevalley
    Rosevalley Member Posts: 3,061
    edited October 2014

    Dani- I read your post and thought gosh poor thing! I felt exactly the same way when I took Arimidex. I was so depressed (sleep deprived and joint pain too) that I thought about suicide constantly. I finally stopped the drug and the depression lifted. So I know it was the med. These drugs can cause depression and you are not a weenie! Since you have struggled with depression prior, it makes it worse. BC and treatments are hard for everyone. Look at Blessings post and the others. Cut yourself a break and ask your PCP for assistance and if that doesn't work then seriously think about switching to a different med. Good luck. Sending HUGS and fortitude your way.

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  • kimag
    kimag Member Posts: 114
    edited November 2014

    Dani, I am with you, I have just vented a bit of my feeling on different post, (Stage I)  but I totally feel you! I had/have issue with strong anxiety and some depression, this is my second cancer, cancer caused by radiation treatment for my other cancer... I have 3 boys and wonderful hubby so many reasons to hold on, but there are days when it is hard to see bright side, I hear oh it was 'only' stage 1, surgery and gone, forget it but it is not easy not it is completely true it is gone 100% , depression and anxiety issues were one of the things I considered when decided to not take Tamo, (as well as uterus cancer in the family) but my anxiety is not better as I worry about future.

    Today is not a great day so I decided to clean the house, clean some cabinets I planned to do a long time a go... when is very bad I am trying to force myself to do something with visible result - like cleaning, like baking bread (hand mixed :) ) and then I am tired which helps but also feel I made something useful and that helps too

    All the best, it is a blessing this forum exist..

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  • dani_katze141914
    dani_katze141914 Member Posts: 50
    edited November 2014

    Thanks all your kind words... it really makes me feel I not the only one in this, and there is someone that understands me... thank you again!

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