"Worrying only robs today of its joy" - how do I live it?

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited November 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
"Worrying only robs today of its joy" - how do I live it?
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2014

    I'm only 29. I've been married six months and prior to that, my husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for two years. We've never gotten to experience all the fun things young couples should. I've wanted to be a mom all my life and I'm scared that I won't remain healthy long enough to have the children I've always wanted. I have so many places in the world I want to see and so many experiences I want to have. How do I make peace with the possibility that these things may not happen? How do I accept that the hand I've been dealt may include a drastically shortened lifespan? How do I not be bitter about that? I want my future so bad that I can't enjoy the present. Every day feels like it's just passing time marching towards the three-year mark when my recurrence chances start to go down.

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited October 2014

    Hi BAU. I wish I had an answer for you. We are forever changed by this. Have you had a chance to talk to someone to help you sort things out? That would be my only suggestion. I am marching towards three years as well. I wish I could think about BC less. It is so unfair that you have to deal with this at this time in your life. My DIL's mother had BC at 35, triple neg, brac1, "as big as a peach pit". Nearly twenty years later she is doing great, but of course forever changed. I'd imagined that she would not still be fearful that many years out, but it still gets to her even now. So I guess the moral of the story is we learn to live in spite of it and keep moving forward. I wish things weren't so hard for you at such a tender age. Sending you a gentle cyber hug. Sorry for the rambling. 

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  • SpecialK
    SpecialK Member Posts: 16,486
    edited October 2014

    I didn't want your post to go unanswered for so long - the weekend can be a slower time here.  I think the key to making peace with your situation is not to accept that breast cancer may not allow you to have the future you want, it is to realize that you never had any guarantee of a long life, children, travel, or the future you dreamed of, regardless of breast cancer.  Living each day, and each moment, is all any of us are ever given.  Being consumed with the future means you are not living now - in this moment - and you are wasting time.  I participated in a mindfulness based stress reduction quantified research study after I finished chemo and I came to more fully understand that I can't change the past, I can't control the future, I can only live in the moment I am in.  When people make long term plans, which include all of the things you are dreaming of and hoping for, they don't have any guarantees either - they just do it.  That is what you need to do too.  I am sure you feel that breast cancer has taken much from you, but worry and bitterness allows it to take even more.  Wishing you the best, and every happiness you deserve.

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  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited October 2014

    No one has any guarantees for what 'tomorrow' will bring.  Each of us has our own unique journey through our time 'here' and no one else will have the same journey.  Seldom do we get 'everything' we 'dream(ed) of'. I know I definately haven't but my experiences have only made me a stronger woman.  Live each day to the utmost and cherish every precious moment you are Blessed with and your loved ones are Blessed with having had you in their life.

    I do believe that 'tomorrow' does need to be planned for but 'tomorrow' may never come - a meteor could hit you in the head tonight.  Cherish every minute you have and live for all you can!

    Present is all we have TODAY. Future is unknown for everyone.

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  • mandyk3
    mandyk3 Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2014

    Hello, i can totally relate to the feelings of anxiety and worry. I was diagnosed with stage 3 BC back in March of this year. Chemo was done in August , and I just finished radiation oct 7. Now there's the anxiety of when to go back to work, and will I really be ready to go back. It is very stressful. I participated in a support group which has helped, and I also do telephone counselling every other week.  All of this has helped me, but I think the most important thing to do is take things day by day, and I'm hoping that over time things will get a little easier. 

    Happy Halloween everyone !!!

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited October 2014

    I think time helps you to live with the realities of bc. It does change us forever but no amount of fear or worry can undo it or change the future. At some point, you make a choice to find peace and live your days, whether few or many, with happiness. Counseling and meds can help so check those out too. Take care.

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  • agatha6
    agatha6 Member Posts: 22
    edited November 2014

    I can feel your pain! Spiritual support has helped me through diagnosis and treatment. Do you have a church home, anyone you can go to for spiritual support? I just finished treatment and know I need a stronger faith than ever moving forward. 

    Agatha

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