Starting Chemo in December 2013

They said that the pain could be possibly from the fact that I lay on it all the time when i sleep, or possibly from my port placement.  They really didn't know and I think that is why they wanted the mammogram.  I was so scared! I also will be starting physical therapy for the scar tissue and cording that i'm getting under my left arm and boob....always something! 

Hi ladies. I'm copying and pasting from my blog here. I'm so tired and this seems the easiest way to keep y'all updated. The first post is from Thursday. And the second is from today. Finally got a little good news today....

-------------10/23

I know exactly what I was doing one year ago today. I was waiting for a phone call from my breast surgeon. My mother-in-law was at the house. Ironically she's here again today but for different reasons. 

I believe the phone call came in after lunch on October 23, 2013. It was the call that confirmed that both my biopsies were positive for cancer. It didn't really affect me too much. Like I said before, I knew on October 16 that I had cancer. I wasn't being pessimistic... But realistic. My mammogram was a BiRads five category. This meant that I had a 95% chance of what was seen on the imaging to be cancer. But I was also there when the radiologist came in to tell me that my mammogram looked suspicious. I could see it in his face. He said he hoped that he was wrong. And I know he truly did hope that he had been wrong in reading that mammogram.

So when the call came in on October 23, 2013; I didn't cry. I had already cried on October 16. But I know that this call affected Ronnie a lot more. He had told me that he was holding onto that 5%. And the phone call hit him really hard.

Like I said before, I'm just frustrated that I'm not farther along in the healing process physically and emotionally then I thought I would be by this time. But enough about that...

I do have some PRAISE! I wasn't supposed to get into see a pulmonologist until October 31. I made the appointment yesterday morning with the pulmonologist that was not named Dr. Dallas but Dr. Morrison instead. Imagine my disappointment as I was so tickled about seeing Dallas in Austin. But by lunch time I was called back and Dr. Dallas ironically had had a cancellation for today at 2:40. Maybe I shouldn't say ironically. Because I know I've had so many people praying for me that I just have to say it's a total God thing that we were able to get in to see Dr. Dallas, in Austin, when he was booked out through December. So instead of getting my scan today, I saw the pulmonologist and will get my follow-up scan tomorrow. A lot hinges on that follow-up scan.

My pulmonary function tests at Dr. Dallas's office are within normal range. My lungs sounded good. And my oxygen saturation was within normal limits. However when they tested my oxygen and heart rate when walking, my oxygen dropped a little bit but my heart rate shot up to almost 170. This is very high. I started to feel dizzy, And faint, and weak. This is what normally happens to me during the day trying to keep up with three children. And also causes my shortness of breath. So they told me I needed to slow down. I laughed at them. And ask if they knew that I had three children, one that was two years old!

The pulmonologist feels that I am deconditioned. That having chemo within six weeks of surgery, radiation within three weeks of chemo, then radiation pneumonitis within three weeks of finishing that, was just too much on my body. Then with the illness a few weeks ago it was just more than I could handle. The pulmonologist also thinks that being on the steroids for as long as I've been on them that the risk and side effects of them are now starting to outweigh their benefits. That the side effects of the steroids are beginning to cause more problems than good. So depending on what my scan shows tomorrow, if my lungs have improved I will start to decrease the steroids more rapidly at 5 mg per week. If the scan shows no improvement or worsening in my lungs then that's going to be a whole other story. So let's pray for improvement on my scan tomorrow so that I can get off the steroids and hopefully start working towards getting back to my old self again or at least a better version of my old self.

I still have 3 surgeries I need to have and I can't even start to think about those until I can get over this road block.

---------10/24

The pulmonologist called as I was pulling back into San Marcos from getting the follow up CT scan. Talk about being on top of things!!

The CT scan looks stable with even a small amount of improvement. I guess I had pneumonia on top of the pnuemonitis. Since the lungs are stable and not worsening - it confirms that this isn't associated with any reoccurrence of the cancer. Praise God. So we are heading in the right direction now... Just slowly.

The plan is to get me off these steroids as quickly as allowably safe (you can't just stop cold turkey). Tomorrow I will begin decreasing 5 mg at a time every week. So I'll go down to 35mg tomorrow for a week, then 30mg for a week , 25mg.... You get the picture.

Hopefully, my side effects will begin to decrease and I'll start feeling better as i come off these. As of right now, I'm still having side effects - insomnia, shortness of breathe, pain with breathing, all over general pain, fatigue, neck pain, back pain, weakness, arm tingling/numbness, dizziness.... And on and on.

But like I said we have taken a step in the right direction (albeit a small one). Please pray we continue to move in that direction and that there aren't anymore set backs. Please pray I stay healthy and avoid any other infections. My immune system is still compromised as long as I'm on the steroids. Also pray that I will be able to have at least one of the 3 surgeries I have left before the end of the year if it is Gods will. Pray for our insurance issues, peace for Ronnie and the kiddos, a safe trip home and rest for my mother in law, and a way for me to gradually build my strength back up without my heart exploding - ha ha!!

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Love you all!! I couldn't be going through this as well as I am without all the love and support from each and everyone of you!! 

Holli :0)

Comments

Wanted to share my yoga class meditation card for today. Hmmm...

Michelle, yay on the mammo.  The surgery will give you piece of mind and that's all that matters. 

kimmie, WHAT????? That is way too long!!!! Especially for what they charge! If I remember correctly I got my results in a month.

Lisa, that's so nice.

I had date two last night and it was awesome.  He's a funny man and keeps me laughing.  We got more intimate in our conversation but it just didn't seem right to bring up cancer.  I was having too much fun.  So last night I got kissed.  The first time in a long long time.  It was nice and since he's so tall and I was standing on a curb I of course had to lean into him and put one on my hands on his chest, you know, just to balance myself so I didn't fall off the curb and YUP it's exactly what I suspected, his chest is carved out of stone! As he was kissing me my mind was racing thinking "WOW this is so nice", "he's a really good kisser" and then "I can't wait to tell my ladies".  Yes ladies as I was kissing a HOT man I thought of you  Hee hee, I'm so glad I have my ladies.  Then as I drove home emotions hit me and I sobbed the whole way home.  Not out of sadness but out of happiness because I'm ALIVE to kiss a man. I'm ALIVE to do whatever I want.  How amazing is that! What a gift we've been given! Tomorrow is date three.  We're having brunch and spending the day together.  Maybe tomorrow will be the BC conversation...maybe not. 

This tree was either blown over or hit by lightening several months ago. My hubby has been trying to burn / chainsaw the remaining trunk down. But it is starting to try to grow ( see the green leaves coming out of the left side) despite the odds being against it. It makes me so sad that My hubby is burning it down. Maybe I just appreciate the "fight" it is giving :0).

I am loving this new song by Casting Crowns. I wanted to share it with you ladies just in case you might love it too ...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KxLoRuQiy1g

whew!  I just caught up, seems like we're all doing well & moving in the right direction.

Holli, you write so well, I was feeling sad when you were feeling a bit behind, I'm happy to know you got some answers and will be off the roids!  I hated those.

Love the walk pics, I'm making my peace with pink, my dd and I are putting a team together for the Avon walk in May 2015, she did it last year, it will be fun, a bunch of her friends (20 year olds, great nrg) & mine!

My dh & I just got back from San Diego/ Sonoma last week, it was great!  I love wine country, Kim, you are so lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the country!  Great food, GREAT wine!  The vibe there is so relaxed, I can't wait to go back!

I had a bit of jet lag & got a UTI when I came back.  Too much wine, not enough H2O.  But, I had a headache for a couple days, I immediately think, brain cancer.  really?  When will the PTSD go away!!  I can still go to a very dark place.

I would love a get together, Vegas is a blast!  Chicago maybe an option too?

What date are you all using as your anniversary date?  I think I'm going to consider when I was told I was cancer free,which is my BMX date, 11/4 as my date.

Mikes girl, im with you, I have a new energy to do everything (except housework). Haha, just fun stuff!

Carol

I think I will use my BMX date, as well.  

Wondering if anyone can relate to what I've tried to explain to my family.   When I get fatigued, I feel almost buzzed...weird feeling in my head like when I'm drunk without the impaired thinking.  

Kim. I am going with silicone.  My ps advised to achieve the shape I want. Also saline can leave flat spots when you lay flat as the liquid shifts 

I also have silicone, it's def. a work in progress, I had direct to implant nipple sparing but in Sept. I had my 4th surgery, my ps put bigger implants in.  I'm happy with them, but it takes time, almost there.  My dh & I joke , my ps did the first face transplants, he's been on TV and everything but can't seem to get my boobs right!.  

Michelle, I've been on Effexor for about a year, it does help, I hope it works out for you.

oh. btw, Jbok, great article in the huff post, contgrats!  mj helped me too.

I put this on the hair thread but figured I also had to share with my bff's. This is what's happening on top of my head! It's trying to grow longer but just keeps curling up in perfect little curlicue circles. This is after air drying it only and not touching it at all. It's really soft, I leave in a little conditioner, that helps as curly hair is dry. Someone recently asked me how I got it this way and thought maybe I put in little pin curls, nope chemo lol! I like it about 50% of the time. People think it looks really cool and chic, I'm not sure, looks like a real poodle's head

what is everyone's reconstruction plans? And when?

I want gummies for implant and probably not until next year during a school break.  No more time off work

JB- same thing here!  Refilling after rads.  I am die for two more fills but have not gone back.  Last fill was really hurt:(  I have 400 now but suppose to get to 600.  I could not bring myself to go back for another fill.  It is not painful now, so I might have needed extra time.  

Very interested in that lat procedure!  Mine was planning on the back incision.  Amazing what they can do.  I know it is not perfect y'all but we are so lucky to have options.  Heck we are just all blessed period lol!

Jbokland,  that picture is one of the most beautiful, raw, real, honest, inspiring and sexy images I've ever seen.  yes, i said sexy!! 

I have never had to go in for a fill,  they did all mine one week after surgery.  I think i mentioned this before how my PS does the expander process....he initially filled the expander with air so after surgery, the healing process went very well because they were so lightweight and not painful.  When i did get the saline put in a week later they sucked out the air and filled the expanders.  I have 570cc's.  I've lost all modesty as well so will also post a picture.