Starting Chemo in December 2013

JB, we share the same shitty day of diagnosis.  I use the day they cut, hopefully, all the tumor out as my survivorship date. 

All I can say is this has been one really bad year and I pray 2015 is better for all of us. 

At least the fall colors are reaching a peak here and it is beautiful.  This is the first year I have had a lawn-guy to mow and he will also do the leaves.  I really have not missed mowing the yard and surely not missing raking leaves.  I still plan on doing my own snow blowing this year. Last year I paid a neighbor to do it when I was doing chemo.  I really like doing the snow blowing. 

Thanks for sharing jb, that is nice!

I did the making strides walk today. A nice brisk 2 1/2 mile walk with some people dressed with pink accessories, that's all. No biggie, I was making a bigger deal than it really was due to an emotional day prior. Was proud to wear my pink and get my survivor tshirt then go home and read the Sunday paper with a cup of tea. Normal actitivies for a normal day and hopefully a normal year and years ahead. Husbnad, niece and great niece below

X

yes, where is everyone? Holli? Are you ok?

Used to be if we missed a day checking in there were pages to review. Hoping it's just that we are all just doing our normal thing and busy with good stuff.

Oranje, sounds like perfect weekend! And how is your hair?

Michelle, you're heading to mayo soon? Jodi, count_it_all, southernbling etc? How are you?

I was wondering the same thing.....Holli???? are you ok???? Please let us know!

I am heading to the airport now and have all my appt.s tomorrow, i'll keep you posted.  I'm nervous for some reason....ugh.

Beautiful poem...beautiful pictures....beautiful women.

Hope everybody is doing well!

Michelle

p.s.  My left boob is getting so sore! I think i have some major scar tissue building up.  I used to be able to put my arm over my head with no problem, now i can barely get it half way up! Anybody else having problems like this? Happy to be seeing my surgeons tomorrow so that they can tell me what is going on!

thank you all so much for thinking about me!! It's funny to love each of you without having ever met. But I do. Thank you. 

I'm exhausted from the all of the follow up appointments today. This is just a quick update. I've had a lot of people asking how today has gone. So I didn't want to have anyone wait too long. I have a more in-depth update later. While the results are inconclusive, they are very confident that there is NOT any indication of cancer in the lungs. I will have a follow up chest cat scan later this week. I'm still short of breath and have some pain when breathing in.

Thank you for all the prayers. I will post a better update later today.

Jbokland, great poem.

Oranje, sounds like a great time.  I'm so happy you let loose.

Michelle,  I am having the same problem.  Feels tighter.  I thinks because it got so tender.  I went to the physical therapist Thursday and again Friday.  They massaged the scar tissue, arm pit and showed me how to do it to try and break up the scar tissue.  It hurts because I'm so tender. 

Mikesgirl, ouch and glad it's healing.

Lisa, Yay you enjoyed the cold walk :-)

I'm in a much better mood.  I had a date with a HOT Secret Service Officer on Sunday.  A chest like a rock.  I wanted to touch it and then I thought "oh no, what if he wants to touch mine?" It's still totally touchable but then their is the scar and port!!! When do I tell someone about my BC? How do I tell them? Will it scare them off? etc. etc. etc. We have another date Friday....sigh...as if dating wasn't hard enough.

PS. My eyelashes are falling out again.  When will they get on a random growing rotation.  They were so nice and long and thick....AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle, ask for a PT referral. Scar tissue or cording could be the issue. You can get massage and exercises to help. 

Just been busy with the puppy here. There was something said in yoga today that I knew I needed to share with you all. 

Fear is usually known as : Forget Everything And Run. It is up to us to make fear become: Face Everything And Rise! I loved it, and love you all!

Hello FABULOUS ladies! Thought I would actually take time to post instead of just reading. Thanks to all of you who are so good with posting. I feel bad for not updating, but I guess my adventure so far has been pretty uneventful so I don't usually feel I have anything to add. 

I did see my PS for my two week checkup after my implant exchange today. I really like my PS. When he was checking me today, he said, "My partner and I like to say that our patients' breasts look better than their old ones because the old ones had cancer in them." I guess it's all relative, huh? 

But on a fun note, I just had dinner with the ladies from my breast cancer support group. I won the prize for being the youngest! Nice, but also a little sad! Still loved hanging out with all those survivors though! 

Love the pictures from the walks! Tonight I was planning my outfit with my group for an upcoming walk, right down to my pink tutu! Got home, got my men on board for the walk, and then GOT reminded that the walk is the same morning as my son's Scholars' Bowl competition. Can't miss my little scholar, right? 

Okay, does anyone feel they may still have a little chemo brain going on? Not a lot, but sometimes that is the only thing that I can blame my "lapses" on (other than stress). I just don't feel as mentally sharp as I used to be.

Sending prayers for health and happiness for all of us and all of our sisters out there!

Keep smilin', keep shinin'...

My neighbors 7 yo twin boys were asked in Sunday School to identify someone they knew that could use some help then help them. So their Dad called and said they thought of me and could they come help with my yard work. They came this Sunday with two other boys and raked, picked up pine cones, spread pine straw and swept the driveway. They had some parental help too. They were so sweet, it was fun watching them with rakes bigger than they were, they had a tough time pushing the big brooms. It just touched my heart, how wonderful. It was so helpful since I'm getting ready to sell my house.

Well my hair laid down for two days then decided to hawk again, I just don't understand it now. Oh well.

here is a better health update from my blog...

I first and foremost want to thank everyone for their love and support regarding my last post. Thank you for encouraging me to be open about how I was feeling and giving me the "permission" to be open and raw with my emotions. I can't thank everyone enough for the words of support, the meals, the emails, the texts, the prayers, and just pure out pouring of love. I am truly blessed.

For those of you who called or texted today, I apologize for not answering. While I am doing better, I'm still fighting some "blahs" over this and am trying to regroup (pull myself out if the ditch). Please know you are deeply appreciated.

Knowing that there are others who are having much more difficulties then myself, I often feel guilty complaining about what I'm going through. I'm complaining about set backs and breathing issues (the breathing thing is kinda important though), and not being able to get back on track quick enough. But I was reminded today by two amazing ladies, known by Rhett as "Lar" and "Jos Jos", that we all have our own walk that we must struggle through. There will always be those who have it better and those that have it worse than ourselves but that doesn't invalidate our concerns, disappointments, hopes, or dreams.

Here is my more detailed update...

From what I know so far, all the tests came back inconclusive (except for them being confident that it is not a metastasis of the cancer). The pulminologist who saw me in the hospital will send the specimens (pieces of my lung.... Sounds very creepy - reminds me of my favorite movie when they talk about carrying organs around in beer coolers. But I digress) to the Mayo clinic to be double checked. So the thinking right now is that I had pneumonia prior to going to the ER. I had mentioned to Ronnie about a week before that my lung hurt when I took a deep breath. Then that Friday night /early Saturday morning Ronnie and I were both struck with a stomach bug we probably picked up from one of our precious walking Petri dishes. (I.e. Our beloved children). While Ronnie was miserable with it, his body worked to fight it. Mine, on the other hand, could not. The steroids lower your immune system so I probably already had a touch of a lung infection going on on top of the radiation pnuemonitis and the added stress of the stomach bug was more than my body could handle. I became very dehydrated very quickly and then I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breath. I've never had an asthma attack but I would assume it would be similar to a severe one.

The concern right now is that, while I am better than when i went into the ER; I am not as good as I was before. I did receive antibiotics in the hospital for pnuemonia. My RO told me that since I was getting better that there must be another component because with the radiation pnuemonitis, you don't start to see improvent then a decline.

Another concern is the extent of the inflammation in my lung. The pulmonologist told Ronnie after the broncoscopy that my lung was extremely inflamed and bleed quite a bit when he took samples.

And yet another concern is that inflammation was seen on the left lung as well ( I did not receive radiation to the left side, only the right). I had an echocardiogram before I left the hospital to be sure there was not a cardiac component. And thankfully my heart looked fine.

I go on Thursday to have a follow up CT Scan of my chest (please pray the insurance doesn't give us a fight on this) to see if there has been any improvement ( or decline ) in my lungs since my hospital stay.

My insurance won't allow us to see the pulmonologist that saw me in the hospital (and is in Kyle). However, they did approve one in Austin that both my oncologists say is good. Please pray that I can get in to see him in a reasonable amount of time. His name is Dr. Dallas. I kind of get tickled thinking that Dallas is in Austin. Hee-Hee!! :0)

I am still pretty weak. And my lung hurts when I breathe and I get very SOB (short of breathe) very easily. Sometimes even with talking. Plus, I am still on the 40mg of Prednisone. Better than being on the 60mg but still a very high dose and will continue my immune to be suppressed.

So now we hurry up and wait... Wait for CT results after Thursday. And wait to see about getting in with Dr. Dallas in Austin (Hee-Hee... Couldn't resist).

Please continue to pray for us. While my last post wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, it is still very true. We are weary. Pray for God to work things out in only the ways that He can do them (Romans 8:28). There have been times when He has made beauty from the ashes in ways my human mind would have never imagined. Continue to pray for my beloved husband and children as they continue to battle alongside me. Thank you. Edit

Holli, praying for you.  Don't ever feel like you can't complain because someone has it worse.  Here you can complain all day!!!  I hope that Dr. Dallas in Austin is going to help you get to the root cause of what's going on.  Stat.

DJJ, I also have extremely sparse eyelashes & eyebrows.  Thankfully, I've never lost all of them at the same time.  Always have had at least a couple of lashes to work with.  But I totally agree - when will this end?!!!

I went to my primary for my annual physical (about 6 months late . . .).  I love my doc.  She sees only women - she's not a gyno, but just concentrates on women's health.  Anyway, she said that she was "so happy" that I was in to see her since when you are fighting something like cancer, it's easy to forget about your regular physical and everything else.  So, my reminder of the day to everyone is to schedule your physical.  (Because Lord knows we all don't go to the doctor enough!  ha.)

Also, sorry if this is TMI, she diagnosed me with atrophic vaginitis.  Apparently, my vagina is atrophying .  This is caused by the chemopause/menopause/lack of estrogen.  She wants me to try using Vit E Oil as a moisturizer down there.  I'll try anything!  I figure if Missy can share her butt stories, I can share this .

I also apparently have a low grade bladder infection.  I had a raging bladder infection about 6 weeks ago, did a course of Cipro, but apparently that didn't resolve it 100%.  At least that goes some way in explaining my general fatigue/run-down feeling that I always seem to have.

Lisa, forgot to give my hair update.  I had the world's most minimal hair cut ever.  And I got my hair "glazed" to cover the grays.  I feel like my hair is really dark (too dark) now, but it did help the texture (more silky/shiny & less course).  Damn hair just needs to grow!  I am blaming the slow growth on Herceptin.  2 more months of H and then I'm done!!!

holli, praying for you! Get better quick, get answers quick, get on with surviving and thriving!

Barb, holli (re cartoon). Will start new job in nov (orientation mid nov, prob start end of nov/early dec) with a new home care company from syracuse that is now covering my county. I will work part time 3days/wk, which is 13 Homecare visits/wk. I will be visiting patients in their homes (mostly elderly recently dc'd from rehab or hospital). I had to get an ID badge with pic and it is the first ID picture I have with my new short gray hair so it's official, that's how I'll be identified. My license has my dark curly hair, when traveling recently and showing license, people looked at it twice but no questions asked, I guess my face still looks the same and people prob figure I've just gone gray. I'm still me no matter what my hair looks like...so there!!

Also do you all have clothes memories? Going through clothes to switch over seasons and I can look at my winter clothes from last winter and remember when I wore that to chemo, or wore that when feeling bad and staying home post chemo day on a freezing winter day (most days last winter were freezing). I got emotional. It's like getting rid of clothes of a person that has passed away. I don't reslly want to get rid of them but will just wear them and try to make new memories. I know some people wore the same thing to chemo and then threw the clothes out after to "get rid of the memory" but I Wore too many different things. Same thing for the chemo blankets that some had (jb I think you said way back you were throwing yours out or burning it, I know you did that with your bras pre surgery, will always love that pic on the beach). Same with my scarves, had so many pretty ones that I've kept some to wear around my neck,  not head any more! (not the TLC ones, those are too head scarf like)! I love scarves. some I've donated. Ahh it's just a process. Weird how little things and big things trigger a memory, smells, tastes, clothes, photos. I don't think I will ever buy anything new that is pink though

Thinking of all of you frequently. Let's keep checking in often

jbokland:

Very well written and very well said! I was very fortunate that I did not require pain medication during chemo, double mastectomy, or reconstruction (so far), but I can certainly see where medical marijuana could help those who were not so fortunate. Congrats on the article!

Holli:

I will keep sending an extra prayer for you! You have such an AWESOME attitude, and our God is an AWESOME God so I know he'll take care of this too!

DJJ:

Like you, I'm doing the Latisse but my lashes are still trying to rebound. Hopefully everyone's lashes, brows, and hair will be better by the one year anniversary of the beginning of our chemo! I still can't decide if I have a mullet or pompodour! I will send a photo later to see what you guys think!

As for Vegas, if I can get my husband to retire by then we may have to join you guys!! Yes, he is young to  retire at 50, but if anything, this cancer crap has taught me to do what you can to get rid of stress. A 75 mile commute one way at night is not healthy! I'm still not convinced that stress did not get me into this situation in the first place! The RO and MO can say "lightning" if they want to, but I know stress did not help.

Hope you beautiful ladies have a great rest of the week! 

Keep smilin', keep shinin'...

DJJ- your a hoot.   

My deportation was a breeze.  15 minutes in the docs office.   I was so much happier after it was out!!

OMG i just had a whole page written out and i somehow deleted it....so now, instead of once again telling you how much i admire and adore each and every one of you i'm going to just simply say....YOU LADIES ROCK! 

I will be having surgery on November 6th to remove my right breast.  I need the piece of mind in having it gone.  Had an unexpected 3D mammogram today.  I was too scared to call and get the results so I made my aunt do it for me while we were sitting in the airport in Minneapolis.  When she told me the results were good and no more images were needed I started sobbing right there in the middle of the airport.  I may or may not have caused a scene!   I was so worried because I have been having so much pain in that breast, I just didn't know if i could go through it again.  

Here is a little post and picture of me that was on the Breast Cancer Site Facebook page.  I think you might have to open it in a new tab.  

https://www.facebook.com/TheBreastCancerSite/photo...

I am mentally exhausted tonight so calling it a day.  G'nite to all!

Hugs and lots of love.

Michelle