Starting Chemo in December 2013
Comments
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Still at hospital. Saw Pulmonary doctor and medical oncologist today. Pulmonary doc said some new infiltrates seen on the chest CT. Possibly some infection due to my lowered immune system due to the steroids. Just going to make sure no new infection, Confirm pnuemonitis, and worst case scenario ... Rule out any nodes. It is probably not the latter.
No results yet on the abdominal ultrasound I had today. Hopefully no news is good news but I will ask my nurse tonight when I see if if she has gotten any results.
I've gotten to see the girls a couple of times. But not Rhett. Boy do I miss him. I got to face time with him a bit and not sure if it helped or made my heart ache that much more.
They will be putting me under for my procedure tomorrow. I believe it will be done between 2 and 4 PM. Please pray for all to go well. I'm really nervous and scared.
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Holli, the prayers have been sent up for you. I am praying for strength, health and healing for you. Knowledge and answers for your doctors.
A lady at my infusion center is battling her second round of lung cancer. New primary and this time needs chemo/rads. Last time was surgery and rads...6 years ago. She said something that I found to perfectly sum up the journey so far. "The hoops, I can jump through. It is the obstacles that keep popping up, that I have a problem with." I needed no explanation.....
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Holli, not to be nosy but what procedure are you having tomorrow ? Whatever it is we are all sending up prayers for you.
Karen, what fun to get together with old friends.
Chicopeach, how are the little ones I your class this year. Hopefully you have gotten your strength back to keep up with them.
My news is not great. Moki, my dog, had a bladder infection this weekend and we are still waiting on starting her chemo the bladder cancer. My husband had to be admitted to the hospital on Thurs. He was getting a lot of suicidal ideation and more aggressive behaviors. He hit his caregiver a few times on Thurs, he has hit a me several time also. I know it is the Huntingtons and not really him doing it. I am hoping to get him to a nursing home for some PT/ OT for a few weeks as a Skilled Medicare admission but I am certain now that he will also need to stay there long term. I really can not care for him at home when he is getting more physical. Big liability if he hurts a caregiver in the house. He mentally is just not there enough to know that he is hurting someone and he has threatened me several times with more violent threats. Of course he cognitively there enough to say things that really add to my guilt over this decision. His family and mine are all behind me in my doing this. In fact his sister said I cared for him longer at home than most people would have imagined possible. Cried more tears this past week then I ever did for my own diagnosis.
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OH MY GOD!!!!! yay mikesgirl put up the pic I so wish we had more time, next time ! or you come here !! xo
FLEETWOOD !!! UNREAL for those who are attending future concerts, I might as well have been sitting in my living room listening to a cd that is how awesome they sounded. I went on a bit of a wild party !! haha I havent done that in a very long time., a very very long time... had a blast with 2 of my besties, was hungover and drunk all at the same time....lmao is that even possible. Memories were made !!
Was so happy to get the call from the dr that the xray was fine, touch of arthritis. whew... when will it stop.
we celebrated thanksgiving here this weekend, missing that one important link, my brother who was always the one to say grace, so I did the honors .. miss him so much.
I have been so busy with a new job and still doing some hair but looking at getting out of that career, I dont like the idea of being exposed to all those chemicals any longer.
Rhsr I hope you are feeling better I am sorry you are under the weather, sucks. Hoping for a speedy recovery
Crazywabbit I am sorry to hear the challenges you have been faced with. I hope you can find your husband the care he needs, bless your hearts.
I just want to scream at the roof tops !!! I am just so happy for everyone.... JODI !!! happy to hear the results. your hair looks great by the way.
I would LOVE to meet with everyone
hugs and love my friends !! xo
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Just got back to my room about 30 minutes ago from the bronchoscopy. The doctor took several pieces of my lung to biopsy. He also found some enlarged lymph nodes that he took pieces of to biopsy. He feels pretty confident that this is all due to inflammation from the radiation. But there is still the question (or lingering fear for me) that those enlarged nodes may contain cancer). He said the inflammation was pretty severe. It concerns me that there didn't seem to be much improvement (and even some new areas) after being on high dose steroids for almost 2 months now.
Not sure if I'll go home tomorrow or not. Please continue to pray. We should get results back in 3-5 days.
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holli, thinking of you throughout the day. good luck, in your pocket, prayers out to you. Pulling for good results.
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Holli- praying for you and the results!!
Barbara- I think you are very strong to be your DH's needs ahead of your heart. Very brave and you know you are right. Hugs and prayers!
Just wanted to stop in and say I am fine and all. Didn't know if anyone saw news of tornados in Monroe where I live. Happened yesterday during school:( But! We are fine, our house is fine and we have power. Many do not, so definitely blessed right now. Did not want anyone to see it on the news and worry!
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Holli, hopefully all the Lymph nodes are reactive from the inflammation. We are rooting for you.
heard about the bad weather in the central part of the country, glad you did not get hit with it, Jodi. I cleaned the gutters today since we are forecasted to get heavy rain tomorrow.
Lisa are you back home now?
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Rhgsr - prayers to you my friend
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Love reading all the posts. . . . Vegas in May sounds good to me too!
Holli, you just can't catch a break! I hope that you are feeling better (or at least are getting the Valium
). How many hospital admissions has this been for you?!!! Praying for good news.Just in time for Halloween, I look a little Frankenstein-esque from the horrid chemo cream. I finished applying & now it's in the "healing" stage. I'm like, hurry up & heal, STAT! I'm going to a wedding Sunday! (I'm getting my almost nonexistent hair cut tomorrow. should be interesting! My hair is shorter than all of yours! growing. so. slowly).
Looking forward to the wedding. First trip that will be just me & my girls. Unfortunately my husband has to work & can't come. My youngest is 7. I think we should be past the terrible traveler stage - fingers crossed! We'll be in Chattanooga TN and hoping to get out on the Ocoee river for some whitewater rafting!
I started with a personal trainer a month ago. Never done this before, have to say, it's awesome. She has me doing a lot of strength & stretching exercises. My trainer is just fabulous (pricy, but fabulous). I am starting (finally) to feel stronger. Right now I'm seeing her once a week for an hour, and I'm thinking of adding a 2nd session in the week. It's expensive but in the grand scheme I'm willing to pay almost anything to feel stronger & better! Anyway, for anyone having troubles getting started on an exercise routine, I highly, highly recommend working with a good personal trainer.
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Holli, I somehow skipped over several postings and only just now read that you are waiting for test results. We're all in your pocket, waiting with you and praying for good results.
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Holli, any news? How are you feeling today? 3-5 days for test results..ugh the waiting, again. Hoping it's something managable that time or the right meds will take care of. Thinking of you often :-)
Barb, got home from vacation on Friday 10/10. Back to routine. Vacation is soooo much better. Although fall is beautiful here in Cny I'm so used to it that I dont even notice and I am in awe of the scenery out west. I feel I can't take a walk unless there are some mountains in front of me. You are in a difficult place now with your husband. He is not who he was and you know it and he probably knows it too to some degree. It's so hard when they have lost control of their body and mind. I'm an OT and do primarily adult inpt rehab and home care so I've seen this first hand. You need to do what's best for you and also him
Oranje, the haircut will help put some shape into it, you'll see. I'm sure it's better and longer than you think. We are always hardest on ourselves and do t always see ourself the way others do. I just measured my hair by pulling a piece out straight and mine is just barely over 2" long on the top shorter on the sides and back as I had cut 2 weeks ago
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I just finished a book that I want to share with you all. It's a book selected for my book club thatwewill be discussing tonight:
" Saturday night widows" by Becky Aikman. It's about a group of 6 young widows that didnt know each other prior and have decided to meet once a month to support and help each other grow through shared experiences and fun. All from different walks of life and backgrounds. It resonated strongly with me. I kept thinking of "us". My favorite quote; "but this has made me totally fearless. Because the worst thing that could happen has already happened". (DJJ, you said something like this in your speech, right?) And " we've all just met, but we're already talking about things I don't dare say to anyone else"
I also enjoyed the book series "the walk" recommended by Michele. Try this one girls. Even though different situations...you'll get it. Vegas...or morocco?
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hi everyone. Thanks for the positive thoughts and prayers. I'm still in the hospital. Supposedly some of my left lung is effected too even though I didn't get radiation on that side. So today I get an echo on my heart to be sure there isn't any cardio involvement. Hoping to go home today or tomorrow.
Today is what I consider my 1 year survival date. I copied and posted my blog post about it below.
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posted by Holli on Thursday, October 16, 2014
One year ago today (October 16, 2013) I said to Ronnie as I was heading to my car at 7:30am "I feel so silly going to get this mammogram. They are just going to tell me I'm stopped up with old milk"........
And then my world changed.
Cancer
Mastectomy
Chemotherapy
Radiation
I think I've mentioned this before but I count October 16th my survival date. Why? Well, Since I didn't kill over from the shock of the mammogram results, that has to be the date I started surviving. So today October 16, 2014 I am a one year survivor.
So why aren't I happy? Well, One year ago I didn't think I would be typing my one year survival post from a hospital bed. I thought I would be much farther along in this journey at this point.
I was so naive when all this began. I thought " we'll just cut 'em off, maybe do a little chemo (I can rock bald) and be done with it". Then I could get back to my life and my husband and my babies and living again. I didn't factor in positive lymph nodes or vascular invasion, or extra tumors. I didn't realize the lingering side effects or even damage that the treatments to kill the cancer would have on me. I didnt realize that I'd have to take medications to combat side effects from medications that I have to take to combat side effects of the cancer treatments (read burnt lung ). I didn't factor in how it would change the way I think, look, feel, hope, dream.
I read somewhere this week ( if I'm plagiarizing anyone please forgive me) :
"I can jump through all the hoops. It's the obstacles that keep getting in my way"!
I guess I'm going to need to learn how to start crawling over the obstacles too. -
Oh holli, can I just come and give you a hug? My heart is aching for you to figure this all out and get better. Pocket parties and prayers
One year ago today I had my aspiration which "collapsed" the lump and looked like my other benign cysts but 2 days later on 10/18..... You know where this story starts, and ends. I've just spend the last hour thinking about all of this and still processing it. I'm tired now.
Thinking about all you lovely ladies today.
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Holli, my heart aches for you and what you are going through. Hang in there my friend...."and this too shall pass" they say. We are all there for you and are sending up prayers and good wishes to you.
Lisa.....my one year is next week. I had my biopsy on the 18th and was diagnosed on the 22nd. I will be at the Mayo Clinic on my one year anniversary....was kind of hoping this would all be behind me but wonder if it will ever really be behind us if that makes sense.
I'm going to yoga tonight......I may not be able to walk tomorrow! Is anybody else having weight issues? i just can't seem to lose a pound...figure maybe getting off my ass might help.
Thinking of you all.....
Michelle
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Chicopeach, you're a strong woman and you've had a plateful and you've done everything you could even during chemo! Your making a hard decision but the right one.
Holli, What the bleep? Aren't we done with bleeeeeeeeping cancer? I'm so sick of this bleepity bleep bleep!!!! I'm thinking of you and hope you get to go home soon and heal and your test turn out well.
Can you tell I'm in a bleeping mood?? My first mammogram on my cancer boob is tomorrow and I'm so worried. I am a raging BLEEP right now. Then of course my one year diagnosis date is coming up so that is making me think about lots. My boob and pit are so tender again, I'm told that this is normal with radiation. That it could get better and then get worse. I went to physical therapy today because they wanted to work on some of the scar tissue that is knotted up so they dug their little hands into my pit and scar and now I hurt! The bra I have to wear because the tenderness digs into my bleeping port! On a good note I have my port removal scheduled for December 15th. MO said I could have it out now if I want to but I decided on 3 more Herceptins with it and then the last 2 with an IV. Well at least my good mood lasted for 3 months. I was bound to get really bleeping moody and angry again! Fingers crossed all goes well tomorrow and I can get my good mood back!
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One year cancerversaries are hard...I hope all goes well with everyones' tests, scans, etc. My LX was a year ago on the 18th...seems like forever ago but again, like it was yesterday. I guess it never ends, really. I was nervous after my RO decided he wanted an U/S and DX mammo on leftie for my first yr follow up...gheez. Felt like I was back to square one. But, worrying doesn't change a thing, except taking joy from today.
Ditto on the BLEEPS!!!
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I went for my 4 month pfc check. All is well with labs! My only complaint is the lingering fatigue; to which the doctor replied "please, I've seen your facebooks, no wonder your tired!" We have been MAD busy with Pink events, engagements and working. My freaking heels are killing me...could it be plantars fasciitis compounded by chemo? My biggest complaint was up 3 pounds in a month! WTF??? Hello Tamoxifen.
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Heading home
posted by Holli on Thursday, October 16, 2014
I finally got busted out of the hospital. Don't really have anymore answers than I did going in. They gave me a round of antibiotics IV for pnuemonia. We are waiting for the biopsy results of the lung and lymph node samples they took yesterday during the lung biopsy. We should get those back anytime between tomorrow and Tuesday.
I'll follow up with the pulmonologist next week. Please pray for easy time with the insurance on that.
I'm very frustrated that I've been on high dose steroids for 2 months ( dealing with all the side effects that come with them) and my lungs didn't improve. They actually got slightly worse.
I will say I got really good care from all the nurses and assistants at Seton Hays.
I just want to find out what's wrong so we can get on the correct treatments and I can get moving forward again. I have 3 more major surgeries left ( mostly elective ) and I can't get going on those until this lung issue is resolved.
What a crazy week this has been... -
DJJ. I have 4 bleeping weeks to see oncologist for 1 year FU and 5 bleeping weeks until seeing the BS with the mammo and US done that day. Scared bleeping about these appointments.
Holli still sending <<<<<hugs>>>>> to you and wishes you get out soon.
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holli, glad you home, praying for only good and better things for you from now on. Keeping fingers and toes crossed for answers and the right treatments to get you going.
Yup, in a funk too. Bleepin' funk! Felt strong and confidant when away on vacation. Being back here to the place that has given me so much worry but also a place where I've triumphed over cancer leaves me confused. Along with my 1 yr cancerversary on Saturday, there's a lot on my mind. Tried to explain to hubby but he didn't know what to say so he said nothing. I think he feels if we don't talk about it, we, or I, won't think about it and protect me from emotions. I'm a thinker and talker, that's how I process things. He's not. But like we've said before, nobody really understands except for those who have been there. How understanding are your husbands or sig others at this time? Mine never knows what to say so he usually says nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. He doesn't want to say something to make me upset.. or mad. It's the damn catch 22. Sunday is the ACS making strides walk. Have gotten a few donations but it's just my husband, myself and my niece that can make it. It's supposed to be in the 40's on Sunday. I'm just not into it. I said I'd be a team leader but haven't pushed it at all. But I won't feel guilty. This is a weird time for me right now. I feel up, I feel down. You all know it so well. I need someone that gets it to talk to!! So here I am, "talking" to you gals. Thanks
Oh..good luck DJJ with your mamo tomorrow. Please let us know ASAP.
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Back from mammo. Everything was good. I wish I could say I was relieved but it turns out a 3D mammo is exactly the same as the standard mammo, same machine, different camera. A standard mammo didn't find my lump because it is too high up. They stretch and they pulled to try to get it in the picture and couldn't. Since local reoccurrence is the concern I don't feel like mammo does me any good. I talked to the mammo doctor about a sonogram, because that is how they had to find it. She said that she recommends that I alternate 6 months mammo and 6 months MRI since I'm high risk to talk to my BS about it. I see her Monday. I'm going to push for that. Because of the scar tissue under my scar I can't feel if there is a lump anymore.
Oh and since it's breast cancer awareness month the whole place was pink and all the docs and lab techs were wearing pink. I still haven't gotten over my hatred of pink. I was soooooo close to popping the big pink breast cancer balloon :-)
So I went to Cheesecake Factory and got a piece of cheesecake. Then took my dogs for a walk on the Bay. It's a beautiful day. I just kept repeating "I choose not to worry about tomorrow because it robs me of being present and enjoying today" it made me feel much better. Not completely better so I'm meeting my friends for margaritas. That should make me feel all the way better!
Lisa, don't feel guilty. Hell nobody can hold it against you if you don't even go to the walk. You've gone through a lot and if you aren't feeling up to it, don't. One thing I've gotten out of this is that I'm going to do what I want and not going to do what I don't want to do!
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Hi girls. I have to vent. I haven't waxed my eyebrows in are year so I decided to do it today.I was heating up the wax in the microwave and when I took it out it spilled all over my thumb.it took all the skin off. I guess the something to be said for not having to worry about eyebrows :-) I need to heal. that's my poker hand and I'm going to Vegas next Friday.
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ouch mikesgirl! That's gotta sting..a lot! Don't do this yourself anymore. Your right hand too, ugh.
Glad the mamo was good, did they do the US too? And ya I know dont go if I don't feel like it. I'll see how Sunday is. It will be a nice cool day and a walk may be good for the body and soul, just all this pink!
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It was amazing to meet Kim today. Just sit down and start talking like we have been friends for years.
Vegas!!!
Holli, thinking about you.
Mike's girl - owwww and ewwww
Debbie, cheesecake and drinks, sounds really, really good.
Lisa, I have been kinda wanting to sell my house for awhile. I am just done with it in so many ways, one is to get away from the cancer memories. Also has ex husband memories
. It goes on the market Nov. 1. Ready for a change. I am not ready to do walks and a bunch of awareness stuff yet. First one will be a luncheon at the Health Dept on Friday, should go well. I can do pink, just not breast cancer pink.Did you all see the article about the pink drill bits for oil drilling? Incredible.
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Forgot to attach this
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ya! Loving it as much here as on fb! Makes me sooo happy to see this photo!
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feeling emotional today. 1 yr ago today I got my diagnosis and the terrifying roller coaster began. So glad to be off that ride but can't help still be worried about what the future may bring but will keep repeating..."I choose not to worry about tomorrow because it robs me of being present and enjoying today", over and over until I can believe it. Both tears and cheers are inside me today and it's raining outside, but the bright yellow leaves are still on the trees for now. Real tears and cheers out there just for me
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Lisa, I felt the same way last month, at my one year, but feeling better each day. Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up. You need to heal at your own pace. Today is my one year since LX! I felt so relieved to get that tumor out of my body. I don't remember being worried about lymph nodes, etc. I thought all along that I was early stage...lucky for me, I was. Maybe I was just too ignorant to know any better at the time!
Great photo Kim and Chico! So nice that you could meet face to face!
Mikesgirl, I hope your hand heals quickly, Yikes!
DJJ, glad your mammo went well. I have read that the 3D is better if you have dense tissue, even though I guess it's still not fool proof. I am still wondering if the CERM will be available soon, nationwide. I asked my RO about it and he didn't know anything.
Holli, hoping you are healing.
Barbara, how is the pup and the hubby? I pray that you can come to accept and be at peace with the difficult decisions that lie ahead for you.
I'm wearing my RFL "Survivor" shirt today! I guess I am coming to terms with what I have been through and feel like I am finally starting to move on. A few months ago, I wouldn't have been ready to be called a "survivor", much less broadcast it to the world.
Have a great week-end, ladies!
((HUGS))
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