Rockin' flatness like a bada$s

P.S.
Knowing that I will probably still find some resistance from my BS, I'm prepared to do some convincing. I also know I will have to be very clear that I have no second thoughts and don't want any extra skin left back "just in case."

Questions:
I've seen scars that are completely horizontal across the chest, and some that are diagonal, each one pointing upward toward the center of the chest/sternum. Is there an advantage to one over the other? I'm wondering whether the diagonal might be better as the body ages. I also am a little heavier than I should be, but not obese. I'd really like to lose 20 pounds, but would be thrilled with 25. If/when that happens, will I then get a little sagging above the scar? Neither of these is a life-affecting thing, but if I have any choice in asking my BS for the best possible result, I could as well ask, right?

Lilith, I'm not sure why scars are different. In my case the tumor was growing into the skin so that determined where they had to cut and what part was removed. I don't think that's as common. In cases of prophylactic BMX you could ask for nice straight horizontal scars, I would think.  

I realized yesterday that the question may not matter much, as my last surgery gave me a horizontal scar (2+ inches) that the surgeon will likely not want to leave there, if possible. That one is really nice--very smooth and perfectly straight! I realize a biopsy scar is much smaller than an MX scar will be, but the straightness does give me hope

Also,, no idea about the angle of the scars.  It could just be the particular surgeon,, or the way that the breast laid on the chest or something,,, really not sure.

And like M says,,, even the best surgeon can leave a "dog ear", so if you are not completely flat and straight, it can be fixed.  My whole scar is puffy with excess skin,, ugh,,,, perhaps next year I'll get rid of it,,,, gotta get the hysterectomy done first.

It's not an easy decision to make and it's really hard when people try to push you to see things their way.  I had so many people tell me,,, you are NOT having recon??  **shocked expression on their face**

But I've also had people tell me that they regretted starting the whole process,, and never went back for the nipple, cuz they just couldn't stand any more surgeries.

Have you looked at pics of flat chests and of recon chests?  Get an idea in your mind of what you will look like. It's still a shock when it is YOU,, but at least it's not a total shock.  

This is the MD who does the recon at my hospital and some of his patients before and after pics.  http://www.floridadiep.com/photos.htm

Just to give you an idea.

If you have time,, find a fitter and get a look at the silicone prosthesis, and other types that are available. (if you plan on using foobs)  Believe me,, when you are wearing them, no one can tell you are flat, if that is your choice.  If you totally want to rock the flatness, I say go for it.  What other people think is not important,,   it's your body. Your choice.

Thanks, Glennie--I actually have been looking at pictures. One of my first sources was breastfree.org. Have also looked at pictures of reconstructions. Some look great, some don't. And I don't fault anyone who feels they need to go that route; I really don't. We each have different needs. But for everyone, I do think it's a good thing that in this age we actually have access to such pictures so that we have realistic expectations.

What puzzles me is why, when you're having the boobs removed because they're diseased and tried to kill you, you would want anything there that might hide, or even camouflage a recurrence. I've been flat for just a few months, but I can honestly say that I never even entertained the idea of recon, and also, that no one has even noticed I'm flat. My biggest disappointment is that my surgeon apparently didn't believe I would never do it and left so much skin it looks like I was just deflated rather than flat. When all my tx is done it's my intention to go back to her and have it corrected, and I don't think I should have to pay for what I should have gotten in the first place.

Glennie and Mags, that really makes my blood boil! How dare these, I call them Dicktors, decide for you and leave behind excess skin, because of their preconceived notion of what you "should" want, that bothers you enough, to have to undergo another surgery to correct their mistake and you have to pay for it, too!  That is just so wrong on many levels.

I had to have a Dog Ear removed, but I didn't blame my Surgeon for it, he had to stop somewhere with the incision. It bothered me, because it had zappy nerves inside it and when I sat down and relaxed, it formed a bit of a shelf, that my arm would irritate. Best thing I ever did, but I waited about 15 months to do it. There are pics on Breastfree, for anyone contemplating this kind of revision.

I also asked my Surgeon if he does a lot of these revisions and he said it was rare, because most women don't want to undergo another procedure. I talked him into doing mine, in his clinic under a local anesthetic, because I refused to have another general. It was absolutely painless, but probably not for everyone.

Although I would never judge anyone who chooses reconstruction, even the work colleague of mine,  who had the same Dx as me 3 years earlier and had had recon. She asked me what kind of recon I had chosen and when I told her I wasn't interested in recon, she shot back at me, "How can bear to you look at yourself?" I was speechless, not something I am usually afflicted with. I was able to return fire with something to the effect of, "I am perfectly happy with the way I look, as is My Husband! Needless to say, she's off the Christmas card list!

I personally, don't like the look of recon breasts either. I have a strange pride in my own scar and see a real strength in pictures of women who have opted to remain flat either BMX or UMX. 

When I told my surgeon of my decision to have a Umx and no recon, he told me the door was not closed, if I changed my mind down the track, but to be aware that I would have a "mound" not a breast. I appreciated that conversation because  that was exactly how I viewed it and although I knew I would never want to do it, I don't like to be told I "can't" have something, so it gave me peace of mind.

Lillith, I recommend Hawaiian shirts!  They button up the front and are very colorful. They make me happy. Flower prints and such.  I am glad you have made your conclusion,, it helps you to move forward,, you don't feel so stuck.

M:  the dog ear I get,,, that could happen, and noone's fault, like you said.  Sometimes it's hard when the patient is laying down, exactly how much skin to take off. I could understand that. (I saw your pics by the way, NIce scar!)

I'm really getting worried about my upcoming HX,, with the LE factor. I've been talking to some much more experienced people on the LE forum about it, and the head down position I need to be in for surgery is quite worrisome as it could make my LE worse!  So yet one more thing to freak out about.   And NO, I don't want another procedure to get rid of the excess skin,, but damn it,, I don't really want it for the rest of my life either. But I gotta get thru this surgery first.

Lilith, we all get what you're saying, we all felt the same. It is the fear of the unknown and knowing that we have to adjust to something very different.

I don't mean to sound flippant, but you'll be pulling your shirts on over your head again, in no time. The recovery from a non reconstruct BMX or UMX is far less difficult than a recon surgery and although it can be a little uncomfortable at the start and there are strange sensations from regenerating nerves the general consensis is, that it is a much less painful procedure than most expected.

Glennie, thank you! I now have a scar that curves around the back, it added about 7cm to the Umx scar, but it is flat and not really all that visible now and the total change in how it felt, is just extraordinary. I didn't realize just how irritating it was till it was gone. I did have someone say "OMG, it looks like they tried to cut you in half!" lol

I totally understand your concerns about your coming surgery and the LE issue. All I can say is I hope your fears are unfounded and it is over and you have a really uneventful recovery. We're all here for you if you need us! You know that!

Mags, I am so sorry that is how you feel and that the results are not what you expected. That's got to be hard to take.

I for one, am not grossed out by anything, well, maybe eye surgery, ugggh! I actually watched a Mx surgery on You Tube, after my Mx surgery, because I wanted to know what caused all these strange sensations I was feeling. It is a pretty brutal surgery! We are all, really something, you know! 

I have to say I can't believe I posted my pics on Breastfree, other than because I wanted others in the same predicament, to know how it can be fixed pretty easily and leave a pretty neutral scar. I would never have put pictures of a naked anything, on the internet before, but I have no shyness or embarrassment at all, about the Mx side any more, I don't really know what it is, perhaps it is that there is nothing intimate about it, any more. 

Agree with you M.. The scar is like,, nothing so initimate as a breast. It's just a scar. Puffy excess skin, but still just a scar.   Anything with eyes grosses me out. I can't even put in eye drops. 

SuC,,,, and the MD told me "go see them, how great they look" he thought it would change my mind and want to have recon.  hahahahaha.. totally the opposite effect on me.  And I've seen other recon breasts on various sites,, and I know it is sooo not for me.  If you are on Facebook,  look for Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer. AnnMarie is a very nice lady, and she really helps with BC issues and does fund raising in her hometown. She has posted pics of her recon breasts,, and I have to admit I cringe when I see them.

What I wanted was flatness and a tattoo. I had it picked out,, a vine of purple morning glory flowers. There is an awesome tattoo artist in Seattle WA  (all the way across the country!) that specializes in post MX patients, and I wanted her to do it. She does beautiful work. And then I got LE,,,, and tattooing in that area would be a bad thing.  **sigh**

When I think about recon, it seems women who do it mostly say, "I just wanted to look normal." To me, that's just vanity. BC is a killer. Many who get it will never have a recurrence, but there is nothing that guarantees it. My MO says that if you go ten years without a recurrence, they consider you cured. But I've seen posts from women whose recurrence happened farther out than that. And it's not like recon actually gives you breasts. They will never have the function or feeling that real breasts have. If you need bumps on your chest to feel normal, that's just crazy to me.

OK, I think I'm becoming a militant flatsy.

Hey Mags,, have you tried temporary tattoos?  They are a lot of fun. I bought a whole bunch of them to play with. They are really inexpensive and last for a few days. I bought them from www.tattoosales.com

They have nice flower vines (what I like) that are long and meant to be like a wrist bracelet, but i found them to be almost perfect for covering the length of the scar. Was definitely a positive body image experience for me.

Mags, I'm with you!  My port kind of creeps me out, even now.  I'll be so glad to get rid of it!

Magdalene, you militant flatsy! That is awesome...knowing that I will soon be able to sound like a bada$s just made my day. All will be well, clearly.