Would you do it again?

Hi Candy,

That is a great and valuable question. When I say great I mean that literally and figuratively.  I feel so new to all this right now.  Like is this really happening.  But god if I had to go through the fear and sadness and anger and physical AND emotional pain over again I think I might give up.  There are times now when I think of going through chemo that I think I might die when they give me that poison.  Or now when I have OA and started on vitamin D and glucosmaine, chondrotin, MSM, turmeric and I am constipated is this my cancer, the stress from all the changes from surgery to radiation the fear of what comes next?  If it comes back.  Our minds are roller coasters when it comes to all this.  Then I find my resources and remember to breathe and change my thoughts and flip them to positive ones.  I think of my strengths.  I think now I am classified as a survivor and this too will pass

On a side note If you happen to know anything about vitamin D and glucosamine, MSM, chondrotin and tumeric and constipation please let me know?

I have a very clear cut situation.  Had I not treated my IBC, I'd already be dead two years (according to my surgeon, he figured I'd last about a year untreated).  I've been through chemo twice and the second time through was so easy next to the first time (go figure).  Now, after three years, I'm NED, no evidence of cancer anywhere.  

So, yes, I'd do the same thing again.  That's easy to answer. 

I feel what you're saying.  Everyone says how strong we are to fight such a battle.I say it has nothing to do with being strong, it was I felt I had to do.  I said that if I had to do it all over again, I don't know that I'd be so "strong".  I kind of had the ignorance is bliss train of thought.  When someone says they're going for a mammogram, my first thought is, "no, don't go!  They will tell you that you have cancer!".  But then common sense hits, early detection is key.

But then my friend died a couple weeks ago.  She had a lump and let it go too long.  By the time she got it taken care of, it was stage 4.  She had a single mastectomy and did chemo.  Unfortunately, it spread.  She battled for four years and left behind two young daughters.  If she had went earlier, chances are it would have been less invasive.  

So, yeah, I would do it all over again.  But not with a smile on my face.

If you have a worrisome symptom that doesn't go away on it's own, of course, you should get it checked out. You will go crazy if you just sit around and wonder about it. It will either turn out to be:

*nothing at all, and if you find that out you can save yourself a lot of worry for no reason.

* it could be something totally unrelated to cancer but needs treatment...in which case, the sooner you get it taken care of the better

* it could be cancer......for any of us, and not dealing with it now will only make it worse when you are forced to deal with it (because cancer won't just go away, and you just won't drop dead peacefully in your sleep by doing nothing). If it is cancer, then you'd have some decisions to make again. Am I glad I did everything I did the first time through? Absolutely. I have had a tremendously interesting and fulfilling seven bonus years (so far). If it came back, would I do it all again? Since I'd still like to live a lot longer (still waiting for those grandchildren & the Europeon vacatation!), I imagine that I would have to.

I can say that after having has a BMX and reconstruction about 2 weeks ago if something came up that I feel needed to be looked at - I would definitely do it.  I wouldn't want to wonder "what if" it is something.  For me, it would be better to go through testing and the waiting (if needed) because it is was something, then hopefully we could do something about it.  So, yes, I would do it all over again. 

Yes, it is even more horrible when you know how brutal treatment can be! Get it checked out though & then see if they can help you with the hot flashes. Some people have found going on a mild anti-depressant can reduce hot flashes. Also, putting fans everywhere (I should have bought stock in the fan industry) can help. There are tower fans you can have right by a desk, lap fans that you can prop on your stomach when watching TVs, giant fans for next to the bed etc. Also, there are 'chillos' pillows with a cooler in them & neckbands you can put in the freeze for awhile that you can wear to keep cooler (I can't remember where I got them, but I'm sure you can google them). Also, ditch the turtlenecks, pull over sweaters etc. and layer, layer, layer. I once read that if you can cool off the wrists, the rest of you cools off too, so I would roll my wrists over a cold water or pop can, which seemed to help. Hopefully the hot flashes will level off once your body gets adjusted (which was about 6 months for me).

*edited to add a thought about your stupid doctor and friends and their menopause comments: there is a big difference between the slow decline in hormones of natural menopause and being thrown right off the cliff into it.

Well, I currently AM doing it again, so for me, the answer is obviously yes.  The first time around, 9 years ago, I had a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiation.  Afterward, I always said that if it came back, I was having them both off!  This year, I developed a new primary, and had a BMX, and am currently in the process of having chemo.  It's no fun, of course, although it doesn't sound like I've had quite as difficult a time of it as you did.  Overall, though, I have a husband and a pre-teen daughter who love me, and a lot of plans for the rest of my life.  This is a bump in the road, but I'm willing to do what it takes to be around for a while. 

Did you have a lumpectomy or mastectomy with your orig. diagnosis in 08?  Did you have chemo ?  I am just wondering.  I had my first diagnosis 6/14 and of course, what has happened to you is all our greatest fear, so I'm just wondering what treatments you had back in the beginning. I understand the comments of you look great and you are so strong. I agree, I am not strong, its not like I volunteered to do this. It happened, so what choice do I have but to try to keep going on with life.I do feel blessed that my children are grown but I do want to see my grandchildren 15, 8, 8 and 1 year grow up, so I can partially relate to that feeling.

I was one of those never take an aspirin type of super-healthy, fit people. The thought of letting them put a needle in my arm and drip toxic medication into my body was counter to everything I believed in... But, my Dad said to me "chose life." Turn the decision on what is or isn't next in terms of anything you suspect is happening over to your oncologist. Chose life!!!

Hi Candy, 

Like you, I have been around here awhile, though this is my first post. I stumbled on the site after my lumpectomy in March 2014, and stayed around through the 6 weeks of radiation that followed. I've drawn strength, inspiration, knowledge and humor from the posts of the women here. 

I'm responding to your question as my first post, because, this Thursday, I am scheduled for a diagnostic mamo and ultrasound (after my PCP found a "little something" --her words-- in my healthy breast). So I feel I am facing the exact question you posed: "would I do all of this again?"

I thought about waiting until my scheduled screening in January. But...couldn't do it. So I've signed up for the diagnostic mamo & ultrasound. (And for sure, I'm apprehensive as hell.) But I decided to go one step at a time, and I guess my answer is "I'll do what I have to do."

One "but" to my answer, however. And that is, if I have to "do it all again", I will be more honest with friends and family about how I feel emotionally and physically. Last time, I was the type who played the "no big deal, I'm doing great!" routine. 

Much love and luck to all of us with our journeys and our choices.

Thanks, alexgram : > )

Good question! Here is my short and sweet answer; ignorance is rarely bliss. Ignorance is simply ignorance. If you are willing to lift the veil of darkness, then you can fight the monsters.

In a word, no. I will not go through treatment again, not that I would have much choice anyway. I was allergic to all the chemos tried and herceptin, spent 8 mo in the hospital, had renal failure, chf and asthma exacerbation requiring a ventilator for a week. My QOL is not good for my age (53) and should it return I will not be subjected to any more. I am requesting palliative care only. I have made all my dr's aware of my choices and though they do not agree, they do agree to honor my wishes and say they can understand my side. So far I am 3.5 yrs out and ok, but my odds of recurrence are high as I did not finish anything and did not have rads or hormonal tx. I try not to think about BC and live for the things that make me happy now and plan nothing for too far in the future. So far, so good!

I am only four weeks from my BMX surgery with TE's, but yes, I would make the same choice I made.  After the diagnosis, I was sent for an MRI to make sure there wasn't anything else being missed on the left (cancer side) or anything not yet spotted on the right.  The MRI showed a 4mm "abnormal spot" on the right.  My BS told me all about how MRI's are good about false positives and I could do an MRI guided biopsy and check it out or do a "wait and see".  He said that he will be so closely monitoring me for the next 3 years (every 3 months) that if it is something it would be caught early (final surgical pathology revealed it was a cyst).   I immediately called my SIL who went through this 11 years ago.  She had similar situation of monitoring the opposite side closely (she had micro-calcifications).  She chose to do a BMX.  I asked her before I made my decision if she could turn back the clock 11 years and was faced with the same decision would she make the same choice she made then.  She didn't hesitate with her reply to me, she would make the same choice again.  That helped me in my decision a great deal.  As I had already been thinking before I had left my BS office that day, to do a BMX.  I wanted peace of mind.

As far as treatment, my only treatment is Tamoxifen.  After both the Onco and Mammaprint test, it was determined chemo and/or radiation wouldn't be needed.  Do I want to take the Tamoxifen?  No way!  I will however to lower my risk of distant recurrence and will just keep up with my GYN checkups. 

One thing if you ever find anything "suspicious" it needs to be checked!  Because if it is "something" then the chances of survival are higher if it is caught early! 

That's really interesting.  If I understand the OP correctly, I think you're asking if we'd rather just live in blissful ignorance until cancer takes us over, as most of the world did until only a few decades ago. Would we prefer to fall dead from a heart attack than spend years knowing we were high risk and having procedures and changing our lifestyle with a black cloud of worry over our heads, never even knowing if we really gained any "time" by doing that, but possibly worrying ourselves such that we never fully lived? Would we be so proactive, as medical science says we must? If that is the question...

I often think of the time we live in, how lucky we are to have the opportunities for diagnoses and treatment, which undoubtedly extend life. But do they necessarily give us a better life? Most people, if asked if they want to know when they're going to die, say emphatically no.  And there is the current news story about the 29 year old brain cancer patient who moved to the NW so she could live in a state where physician assisted suicide is legal.  She has chosen her own date of death (Nov 1).  But she's end stage anyway, and I think the difference is that most of us who are diagnosed will not be facing something like that.  And it's hard to know how long we'd last with no treatment.  But the time, the emotional stress, the physical pain and problems, the money - are they worth it if it means we have one difficult year, then 20 healthy years...instead of, let's say...10 years of blissful ignorance then 2 years of the disease taking us over?  I don't know. I hate math.