Talking with son about BMX

My son was not quite seven when I had my BMX (in January this year). I let his teacher know that I'd be having surgery and who would be caring for him, and she gave him extra TLC while I was gone.* A few days (maybe a week) before surgery I brought it up while we were in a waiting room for him to see the doctor. It wasn't how I'd planned, but I didn't know if the doctor would mention it, and I didn't want him to find out that way, so I was pretty casual about it. I told him I'd be having surgery, how long I'd be gone, who'd be taking care of him, etc., and then just answered his questions as they came. We are pretty matter-of-fact anyway in terms of bodily information, and I think that made it easier to be straightforward when he had a question. The hardest part was offering him reassurance about my being ok after the surgery, as in coming home. His only experience with surgery/hospital was with my mom a few months earlier, when she died after a long battle with colon cancer, including many surgeries. I had scheduled surgery so I would only be away from him for three nights, and we talked about what would look different, if there were things I might not be able to do for a while, that kind of thing. I guess that's a long way of saying I pretty much gave him some basic information and then just answered whatever questions he had, and as hard a time as it was, some of them were really funny, which offered some much-needed relief from all the heaviness. After surgery he was fascinated by the drains.

Now that it has been a few months, and things look pretty much like they're going to look, he refers to my chest as my "tender," because after surgery he asked if it hurt, and I told him it
didn't really hurt but was tender. Now occasionally he asks how my
"tender" is. If I wear a bra with inserts, he'll comment that I'm wearing my pillows that day. Other than that, I think for him it's a non-issue. 

Wishing you both the best with surgery and recovery.

* Another reason I let his teacher know--and your son may be old enough for this not to be an issue--was that he became curious about other women and whether they had "had their breasts removed yet," as he would say, and if he asked her or said something else related to it at school I wanted her have some context.

I forgot to mention that I am not doing reconstruction. I'm flat most days, but wear a bra and inserts sometimes.

Edited to add that I am a big fan of just talking about it. I think being secretive gives the impression that there's something wrong somehow, and that can be confusing to kids, because they don't get what's wrong, just that something is, and they tend to assume it must be them.

I *was* the 7 year old daughter. Mom told me and I asked her questions like "Will you be ok? How long will you be gone? Will you still be my mom? Will you be able to cook? and when she answered everything I asked..."What is a breast?"

We always called them boobies so my mom threw me a curve ball to use the word breast.

Kids handle things like this very well. They just need assurance you are going to come through this.

I was believed to have a rare kind of tumor that can begin benign but become malignant quickly and aggressively. Turned out I had large but benign fibroadenomas in each breast, but because we didn't have a way of knowing until after surgery, I told my son it was to find out what kind of cells were there so we would know what to do next.

I think all these responses are helpful. I have two things to add. My daughter who was 7 understood that she couldn't lay on me for a while and had to be careful around me until I healed. About 2-3 years later we were having a puberty talk and it was clear to me he 'forgot' I had no breasts. And honestly the kids at school didn't notice and had no idea which surprised me.