Cannot see my mom suffering

So sorry you and your mom are going through this. I have no advice but know that there are many people here who are thinking about you and praying for you. Have her doctors talked to you about hospice care?

I'm not sure what country you are in. If you're in the U.S., then please ask your mom's doctor for drugs to manage her pain.  If they have already prescribed drugs, please call the doctor and tell his office how much pain your mom is still in.  Her pain can be managed.

Also ask if they will give you information to contact hospice.  Hospice will come every day if needed and see that your mom is as comfortable as she can be.  I lost a loved one to cancer last year and they were wonderful.  They told me what to expect and signs to look for.   I will keep you and your family in my prayers .

Sorry, I do see now that your mom is in pain still.  This always shocks and saddens me.  The team needs to put your mom on pain meds and her pain can be managed.  You will feel much better once your mom is resting more peacefully.  Pain management is a right, not an option.

Bless your heart Sid you are a son to be proud of. I'm sure your parents are. Such a heavy burden for a child. My parents are no longer living and when they passed away we were prepared for the inevitable. 

I can imagine how hard it is to see her in pain and not be able to stop her suffering. Chemo is brutal for some people and a double dose is unimaginable. 

The thing is you are doing all you can for her. Only God knows for sure when her time in this life will be over. So hard to accept. You sound like a strong person and even though you could use some family support and you should ask for it, you appear to be your Mom's caregiver. An incredible responsibility. 

I watched friends deteriorate so I prayed harder. Didn't change the outcome but I found a sense of peace knowing what was to come. Not a religious zealot at all but it was the only thing I could hold on to. I know you feel helpless but just know you are doing the best thing for your Mom - being there for her. Do reach out for help. 

Diane 

Hi Sid,

I am going to tell you my experience which I have never shared with anyone, it isn't "discussed" by many about hospice. I get the feeling it isn't politically correct. But I think it should be talked about. So you are prepared. I wasn't.  And I really hope my thoughts do not offend anyone.

A year ago my Father in law passed away from advanced prostate cancer and it wasn't easy, we had hospice care and I have to tell you I have some mixed feelings about the experience.  I was the family member who it fell on to take care of him, no one else was able to deal with him as he was a difficult personality even in his good years.  Hospice done properly will give you all kinds of support at home and will keep your love one pain free, all of that is true

My unsettled feelings about the experience come from how he passed at the end.  He was at home, began to struggle with his breathing and I called the hospice nurse.  it was his wishes that there be no trips to the hospital when the time came and the family agreed.  he had no prospects of any improvement or cure, he was 95.  She came, had me go to the pharmacy get morphine, I had to try 3 separate pharmacies in my small town to find the morphine. she put a magnet on his pacemaker to disable it (so when his heart stopped it would not kick in and try to start his heart) and administered a large dose of morphine, he passed holding my hand. It was just a matter of fact, this is the job we are doing kind of experience that left me feeling a little odd. 

He needed help, that is true and the morphine eased his suffering, it calmed his breathing and there was no more struggle.  But I was left with the feeling that the morphine sped up his passing, it made it easy yes, but something about it made me feel as if we assisted his death in some way I wasn't prepared for.  It was like taking the Christmas decorations down and putting them away, it was a task that had to be done, just very matter of fact.

I don't want you to take away from my experience that hospice is  bad, I would  use hospice again.  I just wasn't prepared for the feelings that it left me with. 

You will carry this experience with you the rest of your life, the good and the bad.   you  have the gift of still being able to communicate with your mom and get to tell her how much she means to you.  But be prepared when her suffering is over, it can leave you with feelings you may not expect.

You are a loving son, and nothing about what you are going through is easy.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  And it never hurts to ask God to ease your mom out of her suffering.  Prayers do get answered.