INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    Sass I love you, lol it's so good when you help someone with your knowledge cuz i take notes lol 

    It's funny I now understand better just from readying what you said. I also had that Fear. A few months ago I started feeling pain in one knee and I began to be very scared.  It was a different pain, it was as if my leg will no want to respond when trying to walk. So I ask at a walking clinic. Lol Ya I just went to a walking clinic and I ask for an ultrasound. Off course they have no clue about my history of bc. I just told the doctor there was some strange pain and I need to check it. Then I was in fear all week waiting for the result,  sure enough I have a cist in my right knee about 1 cm but the doctor said it's very common and that there is nothing to do unless it becomes worse. Well I took a copy of the result and I showed to my family doctor during my last appointment. She said the same and gave me some cream. I bought a knee thing like a band at Walmart and wore it for a few days, didn't even use the cream and the pain went away. Off course I will watch it now but for some reason I am learning to let go of that fear.  I am trying to ignore pain. Then I was told about the PMPS tread and found so much info regarding the burning freaking pain I still have in my chest, so now I again was able to stop the fear. Cuz i was worry it was worse. At some point I thought it was c coming back some how.

    Anyway Sass thank you!!!

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited July 2014

    U guys have been busy

    Sassie  how cool about phillie, tell her I was asking bout her plzz, miss her

    Susan good luck with chemo

    Yep u heard it right I stopped  chemo about a month ago. I started with  hormonals 5 years ago almost and when thry stopped working went 2 gemzar 2 1/2 years ago as u can see by my signature I have done many with major side effects.  I basically have spent the last year in bed with starting having 2 good days to having no good days. My quality of life was horrible,  n when I missed all of my grandson andrews baseball games an most of my granddaughters softball games I deccidrd I would rather have 3 months of a good life, then 6 months of bring in bed. Have 5 kids, 39,36,33 and the twins who live with me are 20 told them of mh decision n  thry r not happy but thry r cool wiyh it.  The dr understand also, , I havent really gotten flack about from people. How am I doing, fine, have diverticulitis and was recently in the hospital for a flare up and n now sprained my ankle,  sometimes nauseous n pain is there but no more than there was

    Cammie u are awesome.  U know I adore u

    Nettie that sucks dont u need something stronger

    Enerva hello

    Chevy..u r too funny,  u r the best

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited July 2014

    Sas u'r great and yes I did notice my little thought on top.

    Chevy my Grandma liked my sister hahaha cuz her skin was more Italian than mine But I'm really glad u did get close to u'rs, now u have great memories, while I still laugh at mine.

    Enerva I think fear and pain are exhausting, it fear that makes it harder to handle and so much more on u'r mind, once the fear goes u might of course still have the pain, but there's is a different feel about it--It's more like chit the pain is here, it's not OMG what's happening now. And worry and fear is there.

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    yaaa you are so right Cami ;)

    Blondie, it's terrible what you are dealing with I send you lots of strength and hugs.

    I took these today, during my pole walks 

    image

    image

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2014

    Nettie sweetie while I'm waiting for the list , also add date done and if they were before or after BC dx. My goal here is to give you words to make the MO accountable for not responding to your concerns. I just need to know what or if anything has been done. Then the words will fit the scenario.

    Blondie, I saw about the stopping treatment then splatted. Bless you Lovey. Have you decided about Hospice? They have so many services available. You deserve to have things easier.

    CAMI, Enerva, Chevy :)hugs

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  • susan3
    susan3 Member Posts: 3,728
    edited July 2014

    blondiex, sorry to read about your chemo journey.  I totally get what u r saying. Feel the same way. I am sooooo good with however it ends up. Live it fully, no regrets and that's that. Took my hubby the longest to smile again...daughter was pretty ok quickly. I am lucky that chemo se's aren't all that bad for me. Don't know why, but it has bought me time...quality time.  So wish that could be the case for you. I prob have a couple more yrs left..like I said, the chemos I tolerate...but  I am chemo resistant too, so I don't get much time on them. I will decline radiation when the time comes. Wouldn't b able to talk...no comment ladies. Lol....and I would have a feeding tube..and be very very sick. Hope you are enjoying life to the fullest...you certainly seem like a very cool lady

    Love you girls

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2014

    Enerva, Love you too! Did either doc give you a list of signs and symptoms(S/S's) to watch for with the cyst? This is where the medical establishment as a whole just fails. There is a faction that feels if you give a patient to much info they will suddenly develop all the S/S's. Instead of teaching the S/S's which allows the patient to become a partner in their own care. Look at the "Impressions" section of the imaging report. for a word before cyst i.e.Baker's. Also, look at  where it is exactly located. If it's greek we can figure out something. Have you got a fax or scanner machine? :)

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  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited July 2014

    SAS and Phyllie, Angels come in many forms; not all are human.

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    Sass, my family doctor looked at the results and said it's no big deal. I need to tell you all something that happened to me which I haven't share with anybody here before.

    Last year in Nov 2013.  One of my brothers experienced pain in the left leg , he was sent to pt, the pain got worse. Then the doctors said with the Xr that it was a nerve which run from the hip down the leg. Not sure of the name in English. Then in January my younger brother seen him in such an agony told him he was going to go pick him up so he could go to my relatives city to get a second opinion. The new doctor when he saw the Xr, said he wanted an MRI. At that point I started to fear. Ever since I had bc when ever I hear MRI, ct scan, XR I just fear. We waited for results then we were told he had bone cancer metastatic, that a biopsy was needed but that the MRI suggested that. Well I went home to help my family we now had him and my sister with c. My brother past away last month :( he suffered a lot of pain. Back home we had no access to morfin only oxicodine was given. It broke my heart to see him go through it.

    I am only telling you this, cuz i know exactly what you are going through when you mention bone cancer. I saw my poor brother how it affected him. He was healthy last year then gone within 6 months. 

    Now I fear for my sister and for all of you and even for me. So I try not to but it's so hard. I can't stop wondering what will my sister pathology report will say. 

    anyway, here is a picture of my results. Small bugger cist 

    image

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  • susan3
    susan3 Member Posts: 3,728
    edited July 2014

    oh my gosh..cutest thing ever....eating dinner on screen porch...I live across from a park, and I can her cheerleaders practicing......they can't be more than 2nd grade !!!!! They sound sooooo cute :)

    Enerva, sorry so many in your family. Sad about your brother...sending you hugs and prayers..I am sure it is still painful for you.  Thanks for sharing :)

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    Susan thanks, it all started with me and I am the youngest of 10 kids 

    So we have not clue which Gene we may have I tested negative for brca1/2 but I bet we carry some gene which there is not way to know yet.

    No cancer in my father or mother history we are the first generation to have it.  

    Anyway I am ok, I now try to live day by day. And if I get back to making money I ll get a new bike lol 

    I will live la vida loca till I am able to. ;) 

    I think what makes me strong is the lost, hard to explain it hurts so much yet it numb you. My sister told me she hates how she can not feel her breast now. She says she keep bumping into things and it doesn't hurt. I didn't tell her but I feel that way inside now. I mean in my heart as if I am a rock as if nothing can hurt me. That must be depression lol 

    Oh well I am ok for now ladies not to worry. 

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited July 2014

    Enerva u'r walks are beautiful, and I'm sure they must bring u peace,--I am so sorry for u'r brother  this damn disease doesn't give a damn who it hits. Wow

    My sister has bone mets and at first she got an infusion every month, then she got a shot every month, then a shot every 2 months now she gone to every 4 months. But mets is so different than Bone cancer. She's going on 7 yrs now never had chemo or rads, just this  infusion and shots. And she's still working FT and just missed for her operation. ??? I don't get it but I'm glad so glad (we're very close) tht she's doing so well. She's doing better than me that b*tch. Happy

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited July 2014

    image

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    image

    wow Cami that is so good. I mean that she is doing good not that she has it. U know what I mean. My brother was so full of life and he wanted to live, that is what was so hard, the situation in our country is very bad, medical asistence is just poor. Also it seams like it just hit him and then so fast took him away. Here is a picture of him with me when I was having chemo. In this pictures we had no idea he was sick. Everytime I see it I just go back to that moment. Life is just crazy 

    He was 48, his birthday is in August right after mine. :( 

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited July 2014

    Enerva I'm glad u shared his picture and his story. Thank you.

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2014

    Enerva--sorry about your brother and sister. But happy you got a diagnosis. Baker's cysts are common this is a link to Mayo-Clinic. MC always is a good place to start for definitions and info. Please, consider getting an orthopedist opinion about your nordic walking. You may be able to google it.You love your walking, but it is a repetitive motion, sadly that may aggravate a Baker's cyst. An orthopedist or sports medicine orthopedist or physical therapist might will give you the definitive scoop on this.

    http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bake...

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  • Nettie1964
    Nettie1964 Member Posts: 759
    edited July 2014

    Sas...I will give the rundown tomorrow, it's hard to type from my phone.

    THANKS!!

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  • 3rdtimenow
    3rdtimenow Member Posts: 256
    edited July 2014

    Thanks Chevyboy, good to remember, I am really trying to forgive and not be so impatient with her, for my sake as well as hers. She really knows how to push my buttons and I feel the stress rising every time, when I told her about my mastectomy and that I was concerned about the pain and long recovery, she said " you'll be fine, I have pain in my thumb all the time from arthritis". Recently when I told her I  was really stressed out about my new diagnosis, she said, you! what about me? I have to learn to react differently. My MIL was a sweetheart and I always got along great with her,and she was always there for me, now with the dementia, she is angry with us, for not allowing her to go home. She would have been very supportive now, but not so much. Sorry ladies, talk about whining, I guess something broke loose and this vent was coming for a while. Thanks for listening, my prayers are with all of you as you go through your challenges, this isn't for sissies, Stephanie

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  • Enerva
    Enerva Member Posts: 3,162
    edited July 2014

    oh ok Sass I ll look into it. Thanks ;) 

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  • camillegal
    camillegal Member Posts: 16,882
    edited July 2014

    Oh 333 I'm sorry u'r mom is reacting oddly, I don't understand why she would even say what about her thumb, but I think we know people like this in our lives, and I believe they really think whatever u'r going thru theirs is worse, and I am sorry u don't have u'r MIL to help u. And u'r right not for sissies, cept I am LOL

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited July 2014

    333 sorry about y r mom, vent away it is fine

    Enerva so sorry about u r sister n brother, keep coming back we r, always hugs

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  • susan3
    susan3 Member Posts: 3,728
    edited July 2014

    image

    sleep well everyone

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  • JWoo
    JWoo Member Posts: 1,171
    edited July 2014

    hey ladies- 

     someone asked why my treatment was so aggressive- 

    while both my tumors were only stage 1, they were both grade 3, 2 different types of cancer in the same breast. 3neg and est+

    one was palpable within 6 months of my last self exam, the other was deep in my breast, directly under the nipple and close to my chest wall. i had very dense breasts, and at my age and with a family history of several different cancers, and about 23 cousins, aunts, and my dads mom all having breast cancer in the last 10 years, my MO and I talked about the most aggressive way to kill it. neoadj chemo, and then dmx was our joint decision. i am not happy about losing my breasts, or the hell that i went through at my age, but i am not prepared to lose my life to this if i can help it. shit- i was ready to take a knife to them myself if i had to. i want at least 60 more years on this crappy planet if i can get it. i have things i need to do and people to love and it really just chapped my hide that some dividing cells in my own friggin body were trying to take me out.   i am still very angry. 

    angry because none of us should be having to deal with any of this. none of you beautiful women should be suffering, worrying, and fighting for your lives the way you are. 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    am sorry for all the pain, worry and suffering so many of you are going thru. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. 

    Haven't had a good night's in weeks, really tired (for once) so I won't be writing much more. Want you to wake up to some smiles

    Big gentle hugs!

    image

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    image

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  • Chevyboy
    Chevyboy Member Posts: 10,786
    edited July 2014

    "Girls!"  I can call you that, because I am older than all of you..... Ha!  I got up this morning, and was reading what is really going on with you Blondie....  And then Susan, and Enerva....  

    I just want to say I am proud and priviledged to be in your company!  Such strength!  I just can't imagine.  I know I'm sounding all normal here, but it DOES happen.....

    I think Blondie, that when we all get to that point, and have gone through what you are going through now, it's only up to us.  We know in our hearts what is going on, and how much more we are willing to take.   I just want you to know I love you.....  Just know that us guys will always be here for you...  it's like you give US strength!   

    Same with you Susan..........okay.... you can nap whenever you want to!

    I come here whining and carrying on about nothing special, and some of you gals  have gone though hell, but are going on, with the strength of  a thousand Vikings!  Or what ARE those women called?   You know what I mean..... those women with the steel hats, with wings, and holding swords!

    Enerva...  you WALK with poles?  You don't dance on them?  I think you got it wrong!  And aren't you our Biker Babe?   Well..... I love that picture with your Brother.  I'm so sorry, for 'things'............  How the first diagnosis was wrong.... how it went on... how heart-breaking for all of you.

    And Cammi! And little JWow....  WTH you guys?   Just wish I could straighten you all up....  make you all "whole" again....and with no more pain.

    Morning Sass, 22222222222nd and 3333333333333rd!  Okay, if I go "back" a page, I'll lose this...Catch the rest of you later! 

     xoxoxoxo

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  • susan3
    susan3 Member Posts: 3,728
    edited July 2014

    2nd...hope you get the well needed rest that you body is craving for.....the mother of a very dear friend of mine, ( who has gone through a lot) always says.......I can handle anything as long as I can sleep. It does make a huge difference....take care of yourself :)

    Chevy...has your neighbor moved ??  How r you doing with that change ?  

    If any of you remember Pedro  (carrier pigeon ).....he left us:(.   Never saw him again after I went to Michigan to visit my daughter...I kinda miss him :(

    Sas..sorry never answered you....don't know anyone in grand rapids but my kids.  Daughter and hubby both went to hope college in holland Michigan.  There, everyone knows everyone...many generations of Dutch go to that school. 

    Good morning all

    Sending you all hugs, and prayers, and best best wishes for a lovely day today :)

    image

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  • Chevyboy
    Chevyboy Member Posts: 10,786
    edited July 2014

    This is
    definitely for the man in your life, only they would
    understand...












    A husband concerned about his wife's whereabouts goes
    to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing
    wife:

    Husband: My wife is missing; she went shopping and hasn't come back
    yet.
    Inspector: What is her height ?
    Husband: No idea.
    Inspector: Slim or healthy?
    Husband: Not slim, so probably healthy.
    Inspector: Color of eyes?
    Husband: Never really noticed.
    Inspector: Color of hair?
    Husband: Changes according to season.
    Inspector: What was she wearing?
    Husband: Not sure . It may have been a dress or maybe trousers and a
    top.
    Inspector: Was she driving?
    Husband: Yes.
    Inspector: Type and color of the car?
    Husband: A silver Audi A8 with 4.2 liter V8 TDI engine generating 321 horse
    power teamed with a 6 speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode.
    It has full adaptive LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all
    light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door.
    (At this
    point, the husband starts crying.)
    Inspector: Don't worry sir. We will find your car.


    Morning Susan!  She moved yesterday...  I walked back up the alley to get the Sun and the Moon ceramics off of her garage... (She had told me to come get them)  And it looked like they had all left...  I didn't want to see them... I had told her good-by that morning...   I just worried about her last night...  I can't imagine what she was feeling.... thanks!
    I think Pedro found him a mate, or went searching for one?  


    =

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  • sas-schatzi
    sas-schatzi Member Posts: 19,603
    edited July 2014

    Morning Owlies, 

    Enerva, serious ole me. I can hear in the "OH"  That I've worried you. Your nordic walk may be the best exercise you can do with the cyst where it's at. I just have no clue. But a sports medicine doc or physical therapist would. Nordic walking as an extension of nordic skiing i.e cross country was seen when I was paying attention, to be an excellent---less joint stressful, but great aerobic physical workout. If you read the post where I hurt my back doing the absolutely WRONG exercise for my poor little bulging discs.  Those discs were totally without symptoms till I messed them up. The Physical therapist when I told him what I did, said that was the worst thing I could have done. Now you on the other hand have chosen a VERY good exercise. I'm suggesting a little chat with someone whose life work is to understand the mechanics of the body during physical activity. My guess is they may suggest a few things to tweak your exercise. Did I do better with that? :)

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited July 2014

    good morning owls, I'm off work today for an app't.   

    image

    LOVE you ladies! Don't mess with us!! ♥ 

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