The hardest part about cancer

I know what you're saying. When there's a big group sitting at a restaurant you can't talk to everyone.   Is your avatar your diva?  She's beautiful.  I have to confess, my poodle never looked as cute as the one I posted for my avatar.  Shhhhh, don't tell anybody!

hi barbe- Join meetup.com  You can meet plenty of people. But, you may have to drive a bit. They do all types of fun stuff

Oh, meant to add...at one job everyone was having jewellery parties. I was invited to them all as they knew I would "suck up" and buy at each one. I didn't bother having a party of my own as I KNEW no one would come and didn't need the slap in the face. I think they were very, very surprised that I didn't attempt to even host one! Then of course, they probably thought I didn't have a nice house or something....sigh. 

And Barbe, ditto me on the parties. I hate them, very very seldom go. Usually over priced junk! And I WONT host them either, same reasons as you. 

A support group could be a good thing. If you can find one you are comfy with. My center ran one, it was nice, but not a good fit for me. I'm sure there were more around here, it took a lot of effort and energy to go. Do you have a hobby? That might be an option too. 

Well, I sure know how it feels alone and not having alot of friends. In the beginning of my dx I did have an outpouring of support from friends, people from church, and even acquaintences. It was quite overwhelming and left me feeling blessd. However, alot of that dies down after initial dx and after the shock of dx wears off to the reality of what is happening, it starts to feel lonely.

I tend to not really trust or even like people, I know that sounds awful but it is true. This forum is helpful for someone like me because I can interact with people and still have space. However, I am planning on going to a cancer support meeting at my church. I've also found that I have had to reach out more to people for some help, which under normal circumstances that would never happen.

Alienwish-I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. ((hugs)) I think alot of people on social media(aka FB) can easily say "praying for you" and move on like it is nothing. It can be hurtful and I've experienced that too. I had a "friend" beg me to let her be a part of my treatment and she just wanted to be there for me....she came over once and I've not heard from her in months.

I guess I'm rambling, just want you to know you are not alone. This forum can really be a lifesaver and I've found alot of support and love here.

I couldn't stand the "looks" I got when people found out I had cancer. It was pitiful. I wanted to shake them and say... "I am not going to die- stupid".  lol.  I prefer not even to talk about my circumstance (cancer free now- just cosmetic at this point)- I can't stand those looks. Then people think of you - as a disease versus a person.  Secondly- sometimes women can be passive aggressive. The most supportive people were men (besides my PS - in which I fired and got a new one).... just their kindness.  I found women got pissed that I didn't go into details.  So weird...  I am a person with a life first and the disease is just something happened to me along the way....

i have lost my two best friends in the last 5 years to two forms of cancer, and i am seriously mourning the loss of them. they liked me! and i loved them! they were awesome, and i let them lead the conversation, if they had a day they wanted to talk about cancer or not. the were both fun-loving, and i am just not doing this as gracefully as they did. they were close enough that i could  walk to their house and knock on their door, and they would call me up and knock on my door. i just miss em.

Oh man Kathec, I can only imagine how you feel. To have not one but TWO close friends succumb  would make me weak too. I have not had to deal with much cancer in my life, but what I've seen (My dad with mesothelioma and my dear mother n law w/ colon cancer) it was not survivable. I know I have something totally different, but I am feeling blue over the place I am right now. Sometimes the tears just flow (always when I'm alone). I have to have another scan on Monday. I had a small node on my lung in my pet scan and the MO said she didn't think it was anything because it looks like a scar, but she wanted to wait three months and do it again. Now I'm just tired of the treatments and now gotta do this. I'm worn out with the tests and the results and the roller coaster. I'm pissed that I have to deal with this. I feel it's going to be ok, but I have to get through the next week. Friday is my first Taxol treatment. UGH!

I had lung nodules appear on my first PET scan, they followed up with CT scans every 6 months for about 2 years and let it go.  most people will have lung nodules from previous lung infections.  I was diagnosed with bronchialstasis (sorry spelled it wrong) and since then nobody pays any mind to the lung nodules. This last PET showed a new nodule but nobody is really worried about it, I will go for follow up CT eventually just to make sure it was nothing.  But I also had bronchitis a week before the PET so I wasn't surprised that something new popped up.  

that is really  reallystressful kathec.  Sorry to hear this. Like you mentioned nobody is concerned- but, I am sure it would make you feel better if there was nothing on the scan.... 

Aha. I understand a bit more Alien. Your sibs don't "have" to care if your parents are still alive!! They let Mom take care of you. Both my parents are dead and my sibs didn't step up to the plate.

AND, friends don't make you happy. I'm one of the happiest people I know (though extremely stressed out!). I don't need someone else to make me happy. It's not their responsibility, it's mine. A lot of people didn't believe I had cancer as I was so calm about it and stayed my happy self. Then I returned to work dead flat and they believed me! Doctors sometimes don't take me seriously as I don't tend to whine and complain. 

Good luck on your surgery tomorrow, keep us posted. Wake up HAPPY!!!!!!!!

AllenWish,

That's a good way to think about it. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and praying all will be well!  

((((Hugs)))  from another Florida nerd.

lily55, how could i not? you were very honest with your feelings about what you were going through, and i just wanted you to know that some one cared, and that someone in the whole wide world, cared. You have had a tougher time than many, and your being so up front about yourself, made me realize some things about my self, too. so thank you.. alien wish, i know it sounds kind of silly, but please go and look up chemo angels. there are some people there who will send you cards, and they do care, and it is for people who are going through this with no one to encourage them. i felt for me, like it wasn't for me, but really? it made me happy to see something in the mailbox besides bills and junk, and it was kind of fun, and, it got me up off the couch and gave me something to look forward to. i enjoyed it much more than i let on to my boyfriend, who sweet man that he is, wanted to be the only thing i needed. And the women here, who really do get what we go through mentally and physically, when you just don't want to scare some one closer to you.

what barbe has said is very true. i have been pretty happy in my life, even with some awful things, i think i was just born that way. i am telling you, if i could make it through, i KNOW you can, and good for you for finding all the great women here, so early in the game.

WEll said Wintersocks - this came up`on facebook for me today and I think it is so true, we were all mega stressed when diagnosis and then the treatments etc, we need time to settle and of course we re-assess, people I thought were friends I now realise were stressors........and I really am working on de-stressing and not getting stressed in the first palce, that should be written the other way round.  I think i am 100% better than I was pre diagnosis.....

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14560/10-reasons-why-stress-is-the-most-dangerous-toxin-in-your-life.html