My radiation is ending on Friday and I am an emotional mess why?

I felt like this as well. My Radiotherapy finished 5 weeks ago and it feels kind of like 'now what?'. Supposedly we are cured, but I will always be worried about what the future brings. We are supposed to put it behind us, but how can we? I feel kind of empty. I am hoping this feeling with lessen with time, but who knows? Don't forget you are probably really tired as well, radiotherapy can certainly make you feel very tired and run down? You aren't alone

Totally normal, I think it is a sort of post traumatic stress reaction. You are crashed into this experience with no time to prepare mentally or physically, your life is centered around your treatments & then BAM you are sent out the door with 'Bye, good luck, have a nice life" (not really, but that is how it feels at the time). Time is what helps the most of course, but for me jumping back into life (I teach & the new school year started 3 days after I finished radiation.....plus DS was a senior in high school that year, so I had to be focused on the present and future) and also getting lots of exercise helped me a lot. I don't think I let myself even start to process the whole experience until the next summer. Other people like to journal, contemplate etc. but what worked for me is to be busy (and go shopping!).

I remembered seeing this topic and I realized today that I think I'm depressed.  I finished rads one week ago today and I'm just very sad.  

I retired at 44 from the state in Nov 13, my child is married and 2 hours away, my husband works from daylight till dark and I sit here alone dwelling on "things".  That's just not good and its got worse since I dont have my daily appointment. 

So like Ruth my "used to be" stress reliever was work and being busy. I can only clean my closets so many times! So, I think I'll apply for a new job. If I don't do something soon, I'll be bat crazy!  

I also have 3 month appts. I am reading a book called "Picking up the Pieces",  Life after surviving cancer. It has been helpful. I think it takes us all by surprise, when we felt as though we have just fought the hardest battle of our lives and we aren't really done...and then, everyone else thinks we should go back to our "normal" lives, like nothing happened.

Take one day at a time.  Do what works best for you. Each day will be different for a while. I am so thankful for this forum! I am trying to read more, journal, walk, eat healthier and hope to find a volunteer group to join soon. Those things are what I can still control. They will take the place of my treatments and appts! Would love to hear what others are doing~

Good luck to all of you!

Shellbell, it is so normal. Mine hit about 2 months after I was done, but it was wicked just the same. I was crying all the time and felt like I was swirling down the drain.

I think on diagnosis I had adrenaline and shock, and then there was a lot of structure to get me through treatment.

I don't think some of us start realizing what just happened for a while.

It's kind of like, it took me a while to truly comprehend the Twin Towers were not there, that part of NYC was missing. They were still in my brain's map of the city for a while.

I hope that is not tasteless, but we really absorb what has happened at our own speed.

If you can find a post-treatment support group I HIGHLY recommend it. They are hard to find, but it is worth it. Specifically people who are done with active treatment.

Grammy I've actually thought about taking up sewing.  I'd like to learn to make my own curtains! Maybe now is a good time to do that unless I rejoin the workforce. 

Hi Shellbell,

I posted a similar post a few weeks ago and asked Am I Crazy? I found out two weeks before I finished rads that they were subtracting the last treatment. I never did know why. I just know after weeks of coming home and ticking off another treatment you would think I would be overjoyed at one less treatment but I was very sad. The reaction completely threw me. I did think am I crazy! When several from BCO said it was perfectly normal to feel that way it made me understand my thoughts a little better. My physical therapist who deals with breast cancer patients said she sees much more tears at the end of treatment than at the beginning. My RO said that we have been in this medical safety net for weeks and then when we walk out the door we feel alone and vulnerable. Most of us have been in battle mode and when we feel like the battle is over then the reality of what has happened to us comes crashing down around us. My RO said I will have six breast exams in the next year so I will be obviously checked very closely. So the idea that we are on our own is of course not true.  I finished rads on July 3 and was on the verge of tears the whole morning before I left for my last treatment. I was so out of it on July 4th and made myself go through the motions of celebration.  My skin is pretty much healed up now and I have done some fun things with friends to feel like I am getting my life back. I still had quite a few doctor apts when rads finished but I don't feel sad anymore. I think that this board is great place to come and talk because no matter how supportive your friends and family might be they don't really understand what we have gone through or how we feel. We may not understand how we feel and it may take some time to process it all. Each of us has to learn to deal with the fear of the unknown and will the cancer come back. I think everyone has to find their way that is comfortable and right for them. Since this is Friday I am assuming you are finished now. Congratulations. It is an accomplishment and you did it. I hope that after some processing this you will find your way and your new normal. Good luck.

Bandwoman

I can understand the feeling. When I finished, I got a little depressed, but I kept having the feeling of, is that it. A pat on the back, see you in a few months. I just kept thinking there should be something more we should do. Not that I knew what.

Oh my goodness, thank you all so much. I finished my sixteen day radiation yesterday and had thought I'd be elated but it was exactly the opposite. Deflated was putting it mildly and I looked here to see if anyone else felt the same way. You've all described it exactly.  It's like, "now what".  This has been the main thing on my mind since my diagnosis in June.  Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was, dcis, stage 0, "the best cancer to get it you gotta get it",  but I still had to go through all that stuff. And now it's over and it sinks in that, oh, I had cancer.  (When do you start saying "had cancer" instead of"have cancer" ? Can I say it now?  

Anyway, I'm really feeling down right now, but reading your stories had made me feel more normal

And on top of that, I wonder if I really needed all that treatment, now that they're starting to talk about renaming DCIS stage 0 "indolent lesions..."  

And now it's time to start tamoxifen, so I can remember every day that yes, I have/had cancer....

Rest up- eat healthy, exercise when up to it  AND take a mini vacation if you can.