One year anniversary and upcoming PET scan.

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Hope40
Hope40 Member Posts: 26
edited July 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I finished my last Herceptin treatment last Friday.  Everyone was saying way to go! "Aren't you so excited your done?" I was just frozen on the inside.  I still have my reconstructive surgery to be done in about three weeks.  Another five hour surgery.  I am glad to get it over with but I feel like I am in limbo.  My oncologist wants to do a PET scan it has been a year and this is going to be done on Wednesday.  I had a regular scan done in March and it showed post radiation changes and a small node in my right lung.  This is the side my cancer was on. and where I had all my radiation done.  I am so scared right now.  I broke down at work and cried.  I never do that. I am scared as hell.  I feel like I can't breath.  I have imagined every scenario of what the results could be.  I keep running into people who have lost a loved one to breast cancer.  I hear their stories and its like I walk around thinking, when is my time coming.  I keep thinking I will look over my shoulder and see the damn grim reaper.  So yes I am being a bit dramatic but this PET scan has me scared.  Finishing treatment has me scared.  I don't know if I like not doing treatments.  At least I am doing something.  I have no idea why I got breast cancer.  What did I do to get it, and what the hell if I do it again?  I am so just not coping well.  I need some good cheer, and some hope!  Anyone out there with scarring and nodes where they had radiation that turned out ok?

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  • 2timer
    2timer Member Posts: 590
    edited July 2014

    Dear Hope40,

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this emotional turmoil.  I am a stage II "survivor" and I just finished chemo in January (no radiation because I had it before).  I don't usually post here but your post really rang a bell with me.  I don't have scans unless there are some kind of issue that requires them.  But I do know that radiation causes changes in the area that has been targeted.  And that is probably what it is going to show but that won't stop one's mind from going to dark places or thinking bad thoughts.  I wish I could tell you how to stop worrying, fretting, obsessing about BC but I can't.  You see I do the exact same thing.  I'm done with "active" treatment (I'm taking arimidex daily) but instead of being happy with growing hair, getting stronger and not being a cancer patient, I feel abandoned by my doctors.  LOL, I know, it's crazy.  

    Plus every single ache and pain is now mets.

    I don't know what to say to you that could help but I don't want you out there thinking you are alone in how you feel.  It's pretty normal to be scared sh!tless at the idea of any kind of scan.  But scans are a fact of life for a bc patient (at least in the beginning) and they have to be done to ensure proper treatment.  I hope everything turns out okay for you and that you can find some kind of closure and move on.  If you do manage to do that could you post how you did it?  I could use some ideas on that myself.

    *hugs*

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  • TectonicShift
    TectonicShift Member Posts: 752
    edited August 2014

    I get so scared before my scans. It's a fact of the BC patient's life. Can you distract yourself? Keep busy. 

    And my sister always says, "Don't borrow trouble." You don't know what you don't know. I don't know why we assume the worst. I do too.

    Why not assume the best outcome? It's hard, I know.

    The lung node could just be a node. My doc said before my first scan, "Listen, people have all kinds of things on their scans that aren't cancer. They have nodes and things everywhere. So don't freak out if your scans show something. It's usually not cancer."

    There's nothing to do but push through it. And congratulate yourself for keeping on top of things and being brave enough to face whatever the scan says.

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited April 2015

    I echo what has been said above.  Scanning is one of many hard realities we have to deal with...I'm being scanned every 6 months due to what is thought radiation pneumonitis to my lung.  My scan is coming up and I am nervous but have had 3 different medical opinions - which help some to ease my mind.

    Finishing treatment was difficult for me. I felt some sense of control over the dis-ease during treatment.  Once it was done, I was/still scared and wanted to continue towards better health...so, I sought help with supplements, diet and other treatments.  I struggle every day in some form or shape - counseling and faith help.  

    Some days are better than others - I try to think of the many stage 3 women survivors on these threads and that I've been in contact with - that helps me too.  I met a woman at Gilda'a club who was dx with stage 3c triple negative 8 years ago.  Anyway, I'm rambling on...please let us know how you are.

    Many brave hugs to you.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    Hope:  my chest was being scanned for like 3 scans after rads due to seeing a cloudy spot at the top of the lung.  The pathologist seems to see it as a result of scarring after rads, or another possibility is it is from a long-ago infection.  It has stayed same relative size for a few years so I'm not going to worry -- yet.  I know what you mean, though.  The slightest thing in a scan can set me off.  And yes, when I hear of another's loss to BC, it puts me in instant depression and sadness.  I know I and many others have felt the same as you about finishing treatment -- I was totally lost because it felt like after the active treatments were done and no guarantee that they did what they intend them to do, we are left hanging onto uncertainty.  It will get better, just keep saying "had" cancer, not "have" cancer !! 

    Hugzzz

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  • Hope40
    Hope40 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2014

    I had PET scan today. Now I wait. I have done pretty good. Still imagining every scenario that could happen. My oncologist  gave me something for anxiety and it has helped. Just going to try and stay busy. Thank you all for your support, it has helped immensely having someone to tell how I really feel about things. It isn't always easy confiding in family and friends because I don't want to upset them. It's hard for them to understand what it is like. They mean well and love me unconditionally and I'm grateful for that.

    Now getting through the next couple days.. I will let you know how it turns out.

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  • Hope40
    Hope40 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2014

    the results from my scan were clean. No cancer. I'm so relieved. My oncogist said my thymas lite up but that was normal and he wasn't worries about it. Has anyone had that happen with their Thymas?

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  • hopefour
    hopefour Member Posts: 459
    edited July 2014

    WOO HOO....so glad that is behind you and all was clear!!! It's never easy having blood work or scans...but you did it! You showed up for the scan, waited for results and fought the battle for your mind while you waited...thats strength and courage!! No your not alone ever, there are to many of us and we're here for each other. I too don't share with my family as the fear and concern on their faces is the worst even though they love us. Have a great rest of the summer!

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  • Hope40
    Hope40 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2014

    thank you!  Feeling so relieved tonight.

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited July 2014

    Hope40 - awesome!  Enjoy the weekend.

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